Sex and intimacy can be a powerful and connecting exchange between individuals. At times, sex can be described as playful, curious, and deeply connecting. Sex can be closely tied to emotions, your identity, and how safe and connected you feel with a partner. However, this is not always the case as time progresses. How can you tell when sex starts to drift away from connection and starts to feel disconnecting? Knowing some of the more common warning signs can be a helpful start.

Some common issues reported by couples include(s):

• • Avoiding sex or making excuses to skip it. 
  • Arguments about frequency, initiation, or “who wants it more”. 
  • Feeling unwanted, criticized, or like you’re letting your partner down. 
  • Worrying about erections, orgasm, pain, or “doing it right”.

What is Sex Therapy?

Sex therapy is a type of talk therapy that focuses on sexual concerns, relationship patterns, and usable skills. It does not involve physical exams or any sexual contact in sessions. Instead, you and the therapist talk through what’s happening, what it means to each of you, and what changes could make things feel better.

Sex therapy can help you and your partner communicate more clearly, reduce anxiety centered around sex and intimacy, and rebuild closeness at a pace that feels respectful for both partners.

Different Sex Drives: When Desire Doesn’t Match

A mismatch in sexual desire is one of the most common reasons for seeking out sex therapy. It can show up in any relationship and at any time. Different needs does not mean anyone is “broken” and it does not automatically mean the relationship is failing. Often, it simply means your bodies, stress levels, and life circumstances aren’t lining up right now.

You may hear the word libido, which simply means “sex drive” or interest in sexual activity. Desire can also show up in different ways:

• Spontaneous desire: you feel “in the mood” out of the blue.
• Responsive desire: desire grows after you start connecting (i.e., kissing, cuddling, or feeling emotionally close).

If one partner expects spontaneous desire and the other mostly has responsive desire, it can feel like rejection when it’s really a difference in how desire tends to work.

Low desire can have many causes, including stress, poor sleep, depression, anxiety, body image worries, certain medications, hormone changes, relationship conflict, boredom, and past experiences

First steps you can try

• Desire-friendly scheduling: set relaxed “connection time” that can include cuddling, massage, or platonic touch.
• Yes/No/Maybe lists: each partner lists what sounds good, what’s off-limits, and what they might try.
• Focus on pleasure, not performance: take orgasm and erections off the “must happen” list.
• Build non-sexual affection: daily hugs, compliments, and touch that isn’t a lead-in to sex.

Consider sex therapy if you’re having repeated fights, the pain of rejection keeps building, or one partner feels obligated to have sex to keep the peace.

Anxiety, Performance Pressure, and “Spectatoring”

Experiencing anxiety symptoms around intimacy is another common reason for why couples seek out sex therapy. You might worry about getting or keeping an erection, reaching orgasm too fast or not at all, lasting “long enough,” being “good,” or being judged by your partner. Even with a kind partner, your mind may still whisper, “What if I mess this up?”

One anxiety pattern that may show up is called spectatoring. Spectatoring can be understood as observing and experiencing yourself from a third person perspective while engaging in sex and intimacy (Trapnell et al., 1997). This experience can impact the sexual relationship between you and your partner as focus shifts away from enjoying each other’s experience to then shifting into hyper-awareness of yourself and your performance.

This also connects to the body’s stress response. When you’re anxious, your nervous system can shift into fight-or-flight mode. That state is great for escaping danger, but it can make arousal harder. Then one frustrating moment, like losing an erection or not orgasming, can start a loop: fear of it happening again creates more pressure, more avoidance, and less confidence.

Tools you can try in the moment

• Slow down: take intercourse off the table for a bit and focus on kissing, touch, or oral–whatever feels safe.
• Breathe low and slow: longer exhales can help your body shift out of alarm mode.
• Ground in sensation: name three things you feel (skin, pressure, temperature) to return to the present.
• Give permission to pause: a short break is not a failure; it’s a reset.

In therapy, you can work on reducing shame, challenging unhelpful beliefs such as “I must always perform”, rebuilding confidence, and creating low-pressure intimacy plans that help you feel connected again.

Pain During Sex: When Intimacy Hurts

Pain during sex is real, and it deserves attention. Sex shouldn’t be something you “push through” to keep your partner happy or to avoid conflict. If intimacy hurts, your body is sending an important signal.

Pain can show up in different ways, including:

• Pain with penetration: At the opening or deeper inside. 
• Pelvic floor tension: Tight muscles that can make touch feel sharp or burning. 
• Dryness: Often linked to hormones, medications, stress, or not enough warm-up. 
• Vulvar pain: Pain on the outside genital area. 
• Endometriosis-related pain: Can cause deep pelvic pain, cramping, or lingering soreness. 
• Prostatitis-related discomfort: Pain in the pelvis, testicles, or during/after ejaculation.

A medical checkup is important, because some causes of pain need medical treatment. Sex therapy doesn’t replace medical care, but it can support you alongside it by helping you talk about pain without blame and rebuild a sense of safety.

Small steps that often help

• Agree on clear stop/slow signals 
• Use plenty of lubrication and reapply early.
• Try a longer warm-up which can give more time for arousal and comfort.
• Explore non-penetrative options that still feel intimate.
• Track triggers such positions, timing in cycle, stress, and certain touches to spot patterns.

In therapy, couples often focus on reducing fear, pacing intimacy, and supporting both partners emotionally so connection can grow without pressure.

Communication Breakdowns: Talking About Sex Without Fighting

Sex can be hard to talk about, even with someone you love. Many people feel embarrassed or worried they’ll hurt their partner’s feelings. Past rejection can also make the topic feel risky.

When sex talks go badly, it may be due to patterns like:

• Mind-reading: Assuming you know what your partner thinks 
• Criticism: Blaming language such as  “You never care about my needs.”
• Defensiveness: Explaining or counter-attacking instead of listening.
• Shutting down: Going quiet, changing the subject, or leaving the room.
• “Silent agreements”: Unspoken rules such as “sex only happens on weekends”.

In sex therapy, couples practice skills that lower the temperature and make needs clearer: using “I” statements , reflecting back what you hear your partner say, asking for consent, and making specific requests instead of hints.

A simple check-in to try

• Pick a calm time to communication (hint: preferably not right before or after sex).
• Set a time limit between 10-15 minutes.
• Choose one topic to discuss at a time (i.e., frequency, pain, initiation, or a new idea).

Helpful starters include starting the conversation with, “I miss feeling close.”,  “Can we try…” , “What feels good to you?“,  and “What’s a no for now?”.  Communication problems are often the hidden driver behind desire differences and anxiety centered around intimacy.

Life Changes That Shift Sex: Stress, Parenthood, Aging, and Health

Sometimes changes around sex and intimacy are not because the relationship is flawed, but because life is heavy. Stress and burnout can drain desire and patience. Work pressure, financial concerns, and the mental load of managing daily life can leave your body stuck in survival mode, where relaxation and arousal are harder to access.

Parenthood can also reshape intimacy. Sleep loss, body changes, limited privacy, and shifting roles are also common triggers to changes in your intimate life. Many couples may go through a “roommate phase,” especially in the early years of parenting. Reconnecting often starts small with short check-ins, a few minutes of touch without expectations, or protected time after the kids are asleep.

Aging and hormones matter, too. During perimenopause and menopause, changes in estrogen can affect dryness, comfort, and arousal. Testosterone can shift over time in all genders, which may change desire and energy. For many people, arousal simply needs more time, more warm-up, and more direct stimulation than it used to.

Medical issues and medications can also play a role. Antidepressants, blood pressure medications, chronic pain, diabetes, and recovery from surgery can affect sensation, lubrication, erections, and orgasm.

Make sure to consult with your doctor or primary care provider to adequately address these concerns.

Ways to adapt together

• Plan intimacy: Schedule connection time like you would any important appointment.
• Protect couple time: Trade chores, ask for help, and set boundaries with screens.
• Adjust expectations: Aim for closeness, not a specific outcome.
• Expand what “sex” means: Touch, massage, oral sex, mutual pleasure, or simply being naked together can count.

When grief about changes, mismatched expectations, or feeling stuck becomes the new normal, that’s another of common reason for sex therapy.

When there is a lack of communication centered around these changes, you may begin to feel stuck or disconnected from your partner. Seeking out sex therapy can support each partner in building skills to adapt their sex life without blame and build a sex life that fits the season you’re in.

Trust, Boundaries, and Mismatches in Values or Interests

For many couples, sexual closeness depends on emotional safety. When there is a breach of trust after infidelity, secret messages, hidden spending, or repeated broken promises, sex can start to feel tense or unsafe. One partner may pull away to protect themselves, while the other may push for sex to feel reassured. This tug-of-war is painful, and it’s a common reason for seeking out sex therapy. With honest, guided conversations, couples can work to repair and rebuild their trust.

Porn and masturbation can also become a conflict. Some partners see porn as private and normal while others experience it as a betrayal. Differences in comfort level, frequency, or what porn means can lead to accusation and shame. Therapy often helps couples move from “You’re doing something wrong” to “What need is this meeting, and what agreement would feel fair to both of us?”

Consent and boundaries matter in every relationship. Both partners should feel free to say yes, no, or not right now–without being punished with anger, guilt trips, or coldness. Clear boundaries can actually increase desire because they build safety.

Couples may also have different sexual interests or fantasies. That doesn’t mean anyone is “too much” or “too boring.” A respectful talk can focus on:

• What feels exciting, neutral, or off-limits
• What each person needs to feel safe (i.e., privacy, pacing, aftercare)
• Where there is overlap, even if it’s small

If there is coercion, threats, or fear, prioritize safety and seek specialized support right away.

What Sex Therapy Looks Like and How to Take the Next Step

Sex therapy is talk therapy focused on intimacy, desire, and connection. Sessions usually start with an assessment: what’s been happening, what you’ve tried, and what you both want to change. Then you’ll set goals, learn helpful information (i.e., how stress affects arousal), and practice better ways to talk about sex.

Many therapists suggest simple at-home exercises to lower pressure and rebuild trust. Homework might include:

• Intimacy check-ins: a short weekly talk about what felt good, what felt hard, and what you want next.
• Sensate focus-style touch: structured, non-goal touch to reconnect with pleasure and safety.
• Reducing intercourse pressure: taking penetration “off the table” for a set time so closeness can grow.

How long does it take? It varies. Progress often comes in steps, not overnight.

To find a good fit, look for a licensed mental health professional with sex therapy training or certification. In a consult, ask about their experience with your concerns, what sessions are like, and how they handle homework and consent. Many reasons for sex therapy are common and workable. With the right support, change is possible.

The post When Sex Becomes Stressful Instead of Connecting appeared first on Arizona Relationship Institute.

It’s no secret that the divorce rates are high in the United States, with approximately 43% of first marriages ending in divorce, according to Kennedy and Ruggles (2022).  

What may be more surprising to learn is that second, third, and so forth, marriages continue to increase in probability of ending in divorce. So much for old cliches (“fool me once, shame on you…” and “third time’s a charm.”) Roughly 60-67% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages end in divorce (Forbes Advisor, 2025). 

The rates are pretty astounding and let’s just say I wouldn’t be placing any high bets in Vegas hoping for favorable results if marriage tokens keep getting put in the penny slot machines on impulse. 

Why Do Second (and Third) Marriages Fail More Often?

Why is this the case? It seems that lessons would be learned, and I certainly do not have expectations that someone be willing to forego one of the most beautiful feelings of the human experience (AKA love), especially given our innate and biological need for it. It’s a big question and not one that has been explored very much; however, a good place to start is looking to the biggest contributors to divorce in the first place. 

According to Forbes Advisor (2025), the top five contributors to divorce are 1) lack of commitment (75%), 2) infidelity (60%), 3) excessive conflict/frequent arguing (58%), 4) married too young (45%), and 5) financial problems (38%). Domestic abuse and substance abuse are also noteworthy contenders (Forbes Advisor, 2025). 

What Makes Love Last?

Conversely, reasons for long-term successful marriages (because we need to know what we’re doing RIGHT, not just what we’re doing wrong!) include shared religious beliefs and spirituality, commitment/loyalty, intimacy (not just sexually, but that’s important, too!), effective communication/problem-solving skills, and alignment in values and beliefs (Systematic Review, 2022). 

Both the reasons for divorce and longevity/success in marriage are nuanced and complicated. Commitment, for example, is not just agreeing to not engage in infidelity, but to dedicate a concerted effort to the marriage’s welfare on a daily basis. Infidelity, while devastating, also can be overcome with high success rates if intentionally worked on and through in couple’s therapy or workshops. 

These contributors, while not exclusively the responsibility of only one partner in the relationship, need to be taken into serious consideration and thoroughly explored before diving right into another marital relationship to avoid becoming a part of these disheartening statistics. 

How Long Should You Date Before Marriage?

I understand we oftentimes are hoping for a future within our relationships and would like the commitment piece now. We want to be reassured that it’s all going to work out and our efforts aren’t for naught. No one that wants to get married envisions dating or being engaged forever. 

So then how long really is long enough to date someone to truly gauge success in marriage? This isn’t something with a distinct, correct answer; however, research shows that dating for at least a year can decrease the risk of divorce by 20% (Business Insider, 2017) and dating for at least three years can decrease the risk of divorce by 50% (Couples Analytics, 2025). 

The “Honeymoon Phase” and Hidden Red Flags

That’s helpful to know if you have genuinely done the work to heal your attachment patterns, but if you struggle with feelings of loneliness, shame, or self-doubt, then enter into another relationship right away,  you might go and trigger what’s called a “honeymoon phase”, which engages the brains reward response, potentially blurring any “red flags” in your new partner and abruptly shifting the focus to the idealizations of a relationship instead of yourself and own patterns. 

As a result, our love goo-goo eye goggles are tinted red, masking our relational triggers, and thus preventing the imperative need for improved boundaries, better communication skills, or genuine authenticity in being ourselves, which will ultimately lead to the inevitable: if not divorce, then high dissatisfaction and potential symptoms of depression/anxiety. 

Preventative Steps: Building Healthier Relationships

So let’s talk about some preventative measures that can be played strategically from our hands instead of just rolling the dice and hoping for the best:

Start With Self-Reflection and Therapy

Therapy, both individually and/or with your partner, can be incredibly helpful and insightful. Pre-marital or relationship counseling can encourage healthy communication, help you to develop a plan and discuss combined previous patterns by a professional that is an advocate for you as a team. 

Individually, being willing to delve into your own history and patterns with someone who is as objective as possible, but again, an advocate for you, can bring to light important work that can be done on your own behalf. 

Seek Honest Feedback From Loved Ones

Reaching out to trusted friends and family for support. What do the people that care about you and love you think and feel about your potential spouse?

We do want to be careful with this. All too often our own blind spots are generational or enabled by our surrounding circle by blind loyalty, and we don’t necessarily want that, either, but if people in your life that you know have your best interests at heart are telling you to pay attention, we can be curious about what it is that they are trying to say, without giving them final authority on the decision being made. 

Learn From Your Own History

Reading previous journal entries, letters or texts about or to previous partners can also be incredibly insightful as well, if possible. I want to emphasize that here, I don’t mean re-reading or re-living your previous trauma and harboring on all the negative things that your ex contributed to the relationship. 

This is supposed to be with the intention of looking at your own communication styles, your own behaviors, how you reacted or responded to things, how you felt in scenarios, etc. This isn’t meant to be dismissive of your experiences or emotions, but more so intentional in identifying what sort of strategies you employ when you are hurt, in conflict, or desiring in order to give you a leg up on what you do have the power to change and control, without harping on all the wrong-doings of others. 

Moving Forward With Hope

It’s always okay that we make mistakes because that’s how we learn and grow. Just because someone had been married previously does not mean that something is wrong with them, or that they are incapable of being amazing spouses. Anyone can find happiness, love and security in subsequent marriages as long as they are willing to do the work. 

Works cited

Business Insider. (2017). How long you should date before you get married. https://www.businessinsider.com/how-long-you-should-date-before-you-get-married-2017-10

Couples Analytics. (2025). How long should you date before marriage. https://couplesanalytics.com/science/how-long-should-you-date-before-marriage

Forbes Advisor. (2025). Revealing divorce statistics in 2025. In Forbes Advisor. https://www.forbes.com/advisor/legal/divorce/divorce-statistics/

Kennedy, S., & Ruggles, S. (2023). First marriage dissolution by gender and education, 2023 (Family Profile No. FP-23-02). National Center for Family & Marriage Research. https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/fp-23-02.html

Systematic Review. (2022). Protective factors of marital stability in long-term marriage globally: A systematic review.BMC Psychology. Retrieved from PubMed Central.

Written 9/30/2025

The post Stop Rolling the Dice on Love: Build the Relationship You Deserve appeared first on Arizona Relationship Institute.

1. 1. Physical Intimacy

Physical intimacy is not sexual intimacy! Physical intimacy is all the ways we engage in physical touch that don’t involve or lead to sex. Think about holding hands, hugging, massages, kisses, resting a hand on the small of someone’s back, your feet touching under the table, or brushing against each other when sitting side by side. If you’re feeling disconnected in your relationship, ask yourself: How often do I touch my partner without the intention of sex? 

Touch is essential in a healthy, secure relationship. Non-sexual touch builds safety, security, trust, and connection in relationships. Cheryl Fraser, PhD, has written and researched on the importance of non-sexual touch. She teaches couples in her Become Passion classes that there are three 3 “keys to passion:” 

1. 1. 1. Three-Breath Hugs: Hug your partner and breathe deeply together for three breaths. Hugs are a powerful tool for calming the vagus nerve, which helps regulate your body’s stress response. 
      2. Naked Bedtime Cuddles: Just as skin-to-skin contact is vital for newborns, it’s equally important for adults. Snuggling naked—without the expectation of sex—builds comfort and emotional safety. 
      3. Holding Hands: Something as simple as holding hands for as long as possible can strengthen your bond. 

These small acts of physical intimacy may seem insignificant, but they have a profound impact on creating a secure, connected partnership. 

1. 2. Sexual Intimacy

Sexual intimacy refers to all the ways we engage in sexual activity, including foreplay and arousal. Sex is deeply personal and varies widely from person to person. What feels like sex to one person might not feel the same to another. (Remember when a certain U.S. president claimed he “did not have sexual relations with that woman”? It made many of us stop and ask: What even counts as sex?) 

The definition of sex is something to explore together. Ask your partner questions like: 

• • • “What does sex mean to you?”
    • “What do you enjoy most about sexual intimacy?”

While sexual intimacy is central for some, it’s not a necessity for everyone. Asexuality, for example, exists on its own spectrum, ranging from “sex-averse” to “sex-neutral.” Many loving, intimate relationships thrive without sexual intimacy. 

For those who want to nurture or rebuild sexual intimacy, consulting a sex therapist can be transformative. Sex therapists are trained to help individuals and couples understand and embrace their sexuality through tailored interventions, exercises, and open conversations. We work hard to stay educated on kink, BDSM, sexual minorities, non-traditional relationships, and more so we can compassionately and respectfully help our clients and meet them where they’re at. We’ve heard it all and if you think you’re going to surprise us, you’re probably not. 

1. 3. Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy asks: 

• • • Do I feel safe sharing my feelings with my partner(s)?
    • Can I trust them with my vulnerability?
    • Am I a safe space for their emotions, too?

True emotional intimacy is reciprocal. It requires both authenticity and the willingness to hold space for one another’s feelings. In my practice, I’ve often observed that when emotional intimacy is lacking, physical and sexual intimacy suffer as well. 

To foster emotional intimacy, start by building it within yourself. This means: 

• • • Recognizing and naming your emotions. 

• • • Understanding the ways your body expresses those emotions. 

• • • Practicing mindfulness to stay present. 

• • • Journaling or seeking a trusted confidant to help you process your experiences. 

In a relationship, emotional intimacy grows through storytelling, curiosity, honesty, and shared experiences. Also, consider working together on projects, housework, volunteering, learning a new skill together, or (and maybe especially) being really terrible at something together. Whether you’re laughing at an inside joke or supporting each other during tough times, these moments weave the fabric of emotional connection. 

1. 4. Intellectual Intimacy

Intellectual intimacy thrives on curiosity, attentiveness, and shared excitement. It’s about being engaged in each other’s passions, even if you don’t share the same interests. Intellectual intimacy is an essential part of secure attachment in any kind of relationship – romantic, familial, platonic, etc. 

For example, one of my children, a math and computer wizard, once showed me a complex equation he’d written. While I couldn’t follow it at all, I stayed curious and celebrated his enthusiasm. His excitement became my excitement. 

This concept is what John and Julie Gottman, renowned relationship researchers, call “bids for connection.” Every time someone shares something they’re excited about, they’re offering a chance to connect. Intellectual intimacy is built when we respond to these bids with genuine curiosity and attention. 

To nurture intellectual intimacy, pay attention when your partner shares something. Ask questions, celebrate their enthusiasm, and stay present in their world, even if it’s outside your own interests. 

1. 5. Spiritual Intimacy

Spiritual intimacy is a bonus type of intimacy—it’s not essential for everyone, but it’s deeply meaningful for those who value spirituality or religion in their lives. It involves sharing and respecting each other’s beliefs, practices, and views on life, death, morality, and the meaning of existence. 

I’ve worked with countless people navigating relationships where spiritual beliefs differ. What I’ve seen is this: When there’s mutual respect and curiosity, spiritual intimacy can become one of the strongest bonds in a relationship. Without it, the relationship may struggle to feel truly secure. 

If spirituality is important to you, explore ways to share it with your partner. Whether it’s meditating together, discussing ethical dilemmas, or attending religious services, spiritual intimacy grows when both parties feel honored and respected. 

Final Thoughts 

Each type of intimacy plays a unique role in creating secure, loving relationships. While some types may matter more to you than others, nurturing multiple forms of intimacy can create deeper connections, foster trust, and bring joy into your relationships. 

What type of intimacy do you want to focus on in your relationships? Start small—one moment of connection at a time—and watch your relationships flourish. 

The post The Five Types of Intimacy appeared first on Arizona Relationship Institute.

Grief is an overwhelming and sneaky emotion — it’s symptoms are similar to sadness and depression, but permeates every facet of your life including parts of your life you wouldn’t normally expect. Grief can also have a significant impact on your relationships with others; with family, friends, and especially your significant other. A couple that grieves together in a positive way can achieve new heights in their relationship, while improperly grieving can cause problems or exacerbate relationship problems to a breaking point.

How To Grieve In A Positive Way

Death is a natural part of life, and those who have a healthy outlook-on and acceptance-of death tend to grieve more easily, productively, and positively, than those with unresolved issues-with or a fear-of death. Allowing the symptoms of grief (sadness, intense sorrow, isolation, guilt, self-blame, etc.) to overcome you is NOT dealing with grief in a positive way.

The Grieving Process

The grieving process is the expected routine that a person will go-through after suffering an intense loss. The loss could be the death of a loved one, a pet, a close friend, or it could even be the loss of a job/opportunity, the loss of a home, or any traumatic loss. After the initial shock of the loss, a person usually goes through the stages of grief.

What Are The Stages of Grief

Therapists and professionals use a 5 or 7-stage model for the stages of grief. The 5-stage model for grief is as follows:

1. 1. 1. Denial
      2. Anger
      3. Bargaining
      4. Depression
      5. Acceptance

The 7-stage model for grief is as follows:

1. 1. 1. Shock and Denial
      2. Pain and Guilt
      3. Anger and Bargaining
      4. Depression
      5. The Upward Turn
      6. Reconstruction and Walkthrough
      7. Acceptance

Professional Grief Therapists tend to like the 7-phase grief model because it shows that there are 2 steps between Depression and Acceptance. These steps outline what needs to happen for depression to turn to acceptance, and for the phases to complete with closure.

There are certainly some cases of complex grief that last a lifetime, and this is primarily because the person grieving is never able to get out of their depression and reconstruct their life. For this reason, it is so important to recognize the “hidden steps” of the 7-step model of the grief process, and to do the work to turn things upward and start reconstruction and rebuilding.

How Death, Grief, and Loss Affects Couples

Couples are 2 parts of 1 unit. They live-together and breathe-together… all experiences are shared between the couple; both the good and the bad. When grief and loss hit a couple, it hits them both very hard individually, and it hits them hard as a couple. As an individual, a person needs to go through a personal grieving process; but as a couple, there is a separate grieving process where you mourn the loss of a person and what they meant to you as a couple.

The loss of parents and friends can hit couples especially hard; and have an impact on the entire family: kids, extended family, etc. These added stresses put even more pressure on the couple, and even the those couples with iron-strong bonds can bow to the pressures.

Some couples may have needed couples therapy before grieving, simply for the marital or spousal issues they are encountering. When you add grief on top, the need for counseling and therapy becomes urgent. Too many couples wait to deal with their own intimacy problems until something dramatic and shocking wakes them up to the need for help. By then, the emotions have built up even higher.

Separating Grief Issues From Intimacy & Relationship Issues

It is difficult to try and fix 2 problems at once. It is easier to focus on just 1 problem, fix that problem, then move onto the next problem. This is how relationship problems need to be attacked: one by one, while still looking at the big picture. Whether the relationship is with a family member, a friend, or an intimate relationship, it is always important to separate the grief issues from the relationship issues.

Family Relationship Issues and Grief

Another common problem that arises after a death in a family is that familial problems that have been sitting silent for years may come back to the surface. Tensions may run high between family members, and the emotions caused by the grief can be overwhelming; family members may say or do things they regret, and arguments can start or re-start.

Family Issues After The Death of a Loved One are some of the most heartbreaking and intense emotions a human being can experience. Grief and loss are hard enough without added pressures from family, friends, or family and friends of the deceased. It is very important to work these problems out and not let them sit and fester; or else a person is in danger of becoming stuck in the “Anger and Bargaining” phase of the process of grief.

Anger Issues, Grief, and Loss

Anger and temper issues are often associated with grief, loss and death — particularly unresolved feelings and emotions associated with grief, loss and death. Again, it is so important for humans to go through all the steps of the grieving process for them to finally find closure, mental clarity, and to free themselves from guilt and other negative feelings. Those that are not able to overcome their anger, are in-turn overcome by their anger.

It is important for couples to not let their anger overcome them in the relationship. Anger must be controlled and overcome by your unconditional love for each other. Couples may need to seek couples anger therapy if they are only arguing and not making and progress in their arguments. This uncontrolled anger is like poison and needs to be bled-out, or diffused. Couples Anger Management Therapists can help couples to resolve differences enough to let-go of the anger and to start working together again.

Unresolved Loss and Grief Therapy for Individuals and Couples

For widows and widowers who have been working to rebuild and start a new life, the negative emotions of grief can always come back to haunt them. Starting a new relationship after the death of a significant other is a positive process, but can be sabotaged by unnecessary feelings of shame or guilt from unresolved grief.

It is so important to move-on with your life after the death of a loved one, because you HAVE TO. You are still alive and cannot just lay down and die. Couples Therapists can help you to build a new life after experiencing the greatest of losses.

Grief Therapy for Couples, Individuals, and Families in Arizona

There are so many in Arizona suffering with loss and grief. The Grief Therapists at The Arizona Relationship Institute can help you to understand your personal emotional losses, deal with the stages of guilt, and rebuild our life into a positive one after overcoming grief.

The post Couples Grief Counseling: Strengthening Bonds While Grieving appeared first on Arizona Relationship Institute.

American Psychiatric Association. (2024). What is narcissistic personality disorder?. Psychiatry.org – What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder? https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/what-is-narcissistic-personality-disorder 

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When a marriage goes from bad to critical, many couples need Emergency Marriage Counseling & Therapy. Emergency therapy for married couples in times of a crisis can offer one or more benefits:

1. 1. It gives couples a “pause” on the current fights/arguments/unhealthy behaviors. A timeout on the escalation of your emotions can keep fights from going “nuclear” (saying devastating things you can’t take back or making mistakes in the heat of the moment). This allows couples to save all that energy until later when a therapist can act as a “referee” and mediate the communication.
   2. It gives couples a neutral setting where both individuals can outline: their issues with the relationship, their goals for their life and the relationship, and all the reasons to save/end the relationship.
   3. For couples who are seriously considering a divorce, separation, or breakup, Emergency Marriage Counseling & Therapy can either help to save the relationship, or help all parties to come to terms with ending the relationship as amicably as possible.

Marriage counseling can be incredibly beneficial for you and your spouse at any phase of your marriage (from newlywed to closure therapy for ending a marriage), but there are a few things you should consider before scheduling your appointment for marriage counseling.

Tips For Successful Marriage Counseling Experience

Counseling and therapy can be a wonderful experience, or it can be a terrible experience — just like any other experience. In order to ensure that it is a positive experience, you must enter into therapy fully prepared for what it takes and what to expect to give. At AZRI, we strive to help all of our guest couples have a positive life experience through marriage counseling, and there are several tips that can help you to have an equally satisfactory time.

Finding the Right Marriage Counselor Therapist

A therapist needs to be the right fit for the individual, couple, or group that is attending therapy sessions. This is very true marriage counseling therapists; the couple must be a good fit for the therapist, and the therapist must be the right fit for both parties.

• • If the therapist is not right for BOTH parts of a married couple, the balance can become lopsided. One partner in the marriage may feel that the therapist and other partner are “Ganging-up” on them, or other uncomfortable symptoms of imbalance may show. It is important for the  therapist and both partners to all form 3 strong sides of a pyramid of healthy communication.
  • If one or both partners do not feel comfortable being completely open and truthful with the therapist, problems may arise. It will take time (sometimes a few minutes or a few sessions) for couples to become fully comfortable with their therapist, but it is important to choose the match that gives you the best shot at adjusting quickly. People have their own quirks, and may not feel as comfortable opening up with a male versus a female therapist, or vice-versa, for example. It is important to consider personalities, behaviors, and quirks when choosing a therapist so that you can have the best chance of success.

Male Versus Female Therapist – Which is Better for Your Needs?

Read our exclusive blog on choosing a therapist and whether a male versus a female therapist is best for your personal situation.  Click Here to read the blog >>

Types of Marriage Counselors and Therapists

There are lots of different credentials and certifications for therapists and counselors, so what should you be looking-for if you want a good counselor or are looking for the best marriage therapist? You should look at both “credentials” and “areas of focus.”

Credentials — credentials are important to show that the therapist or counselor is “competent.” Credentials show that they have studied the basic required education for a level of therapy, and are not just some random person claiming an expertise without anything to back up those claims. Credentials are important in finding a legitimate counselor and therapist; however, “areas of focus” is a more important factor in deciding on a marriage counselor.

Licensed therapists credentials include:

• • • Licensed professional counselors (LPCs)
    • Licensed mental health counselors (LMHCs)
    • Licensed marriage and family therapists (LMFTs)
    • Licensed clinical social workers (LCSWs)
    • Psychologists (PhDs or PsyDs)
    • Psychiatrists (MDs or DOs)

Areas of Focus — therapists and counselors all have their own specialties, or “areas of focus” that primarily work-with. Some counselors specialize in trauma or PTSD, while others focus on individuals or family counseling. Marriage and couples counselors usually focus on the complex relationships between two or more individuals in a love, sexual, or intimate relationship.

Many of the therapists at AZRI.org have their “areas of focus” listed right on their bio pages. These areas of focus are vast and range from childhood issues to sexual identity issues. Certain areas of focus can be a good match for couples, or can be a better fit for the unique problems a certain couple is facing. A therapist specializing-in infidelity may be a good fit for married couples facing infidelity, cheating and trust issues.

Visit the “Meet the Team” page of AZRI to browse through our currently available therapists and see their “areas of focus” for yourself. Familiarize yourself with our team, and this may help streamline the process of booking your consultation with a marriage counselor.

Important Notes on Choosing A Therapist

• • Not all therapists will accept all types of insurance. The therapist conducting your therapy sessions will need to accept the type of insurance you plan to use, if you do plan to use insurance to pay for marriage counseling and therapy.
    • If you must use a certain type of insurance for payment, you must also match with a therapist that accepts that form of insurance.
  • Be mindful of therapist’s schedule. All therapists get very busy, and everyone must work to find the best times slots available for therapy sessions.
  • Be open-minded. Accept everyone’s unique personalities and perspectives.

Christian Marriage Counseling Therapists

For those of Christian Faith, we have Christian Non-Denominational therapists, LDS therapists, and therapists of various other faiths and spiritual backgrounds. We also offer Christian Pre-Marital Therapy for engaged couples and those Christian couples who are looking to get married within the scope of their Christian creeds.

How to Schedule an Appointment for Emergency Marriage Counseling

There are many factors to consider when choosing an Emergency Marriage Counselor in Arizona, but chances are that you and your spouse want to act fast. At The Arizona Relationship Institute, we make the first step easy. Just schedule your FREE 15 Minute Consultation, and we will take care of the rest. An intake specialist will schedule your initial call and get the process moving forward.

The post What To Consider When Scheduling Emergency Marriage Therapy appeared first on Arizona Relationship Institute.

I was very active and involved in high school. I was on my school’s newspaper, the theater state board and high school board, was the school’s news anchor, on yearbook, was student teaching a 1st grade English Language Learners class, was in advanced/pre-college courses, etc. I lived and breathed school. I was also in a serious relationship.

That relationship took a lot of my energy and focus. He did not have a supportive, healthy family, had eventually dropped out of school, and did not want me to go to college. After high school, I hadn’t applied to the university I wanted to go to, and we moved in together. I became pregnant with our son and eventually dropped out of the community college I was attending to focus on working and taking care of our household. Around a year after our son was born, our situation became dangerous and, to protect our son, I ended the relationship.

So, he left. And I was left to pick up the pieces. Our circumstances were highly traumatic—but I leaned on my supports and worked hard to provide for us. We sacrificed a lot. His dad was legally obligated to help, but didn’t, and I didn’t pursue it. Our son didn’t deserve that.

I wasn’t even angry for myself. I probably should have been. I was just so heartbroken for my son. But here, I let love win. Because that’s what we needed.

I went back to school. Associate’s to Bachelor’s to Master’s. Worked multiple jobs to make ends meet. Spent time with my son, tried to balance my social life/relationships, slept where I could. Moments of sadness transformed sometimes into spirals of anger.

Somehow, I stayed living in love. It kept me from resorting to attacks, pursuing “justice”, and inviting chaos back into our lives. I was deeply hurt but recognized that my desire to “do” something other than focus on my own relationship with my son and our well-being would have been BECAUSE I was hurt. So the saying goes that “hurt people hurt people.” It wouldn’t have served a purpose. It would have clouded my judgement and blocked love in my heart.

There are so many times, even now, where a specific Game of Thrones scene pops into my head. The Queen of Dragons, who wishes to change the world, end slavery, and protect the lives of innocent people, lets a moment of deep pain and trauma trigger her into violating her own values and beliefs—which are grounded in love. She calls upon her dragon, Dracarys, to burn a whole city filled with innocent lives in order to avenge her most trusted confidant and advisor’s murder.

Moving On After Ending A Relationship

After starting graduate school, I knew that I wanted to specialize working with relationships. Shortly after, I met the loves of my life. My son and I are now a part of a beautiful, blended family. My son now has siblings and I have a teammate. A man that loves and protects us, that is a loving partner and father. I do the work that I do because I believe in love so much. It is always there. It’s our natural state. We are all born full of love and just hoping to have that need fulfilled; we need to be connected for literal survival. We just have to allow it to show itself.

While hurt people may hurt people, hurt people may also love people. Hurt people may also heal people. We are able to break the cycles of pain and instead, move with love. You are Love. We are Love.

The post We Are Love appeared first on Arizona Relationship Institute.

Too many couples wait until it is too late to seek help with their relationship problems. Like any problem; the longer you ignore the problem the worse it becomes, and the harder it is to fix it. The best relationship advice a therapist can give is to work on the little problems and solve them together, before those little issues grow into bigger, unreconcilable differences.

When is the Best Time to Seek Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling?

At the earliest signs that there is an issue. When your opinion of your relationship goes from a positive view to a negative one, this is the point where a person can get mentally disillusioned. At this point it is important to ensure that both individuals are engaged in the relationships and committed to growing the relationships together.

Is it too early in the relationship to suggest couples therapy and counseling?

No, it is never too early. Yes, many couples wait until the problems become too big to ignore to seek couples therapy; but most couples take a proactive approach to their relationships and try to strengthen and grow their relationship from the early stages.

Couples Therapy to Strengthen and Grow Relationships

AZRI offers Couples Therapy to Strengthen and Grow Relationships because this is the best way to build a relationship that can withstand the test of time, and not crumble under the weight of any future marital or relationship problems.

You cannot foretell what future weather disasters are going to happen where you live, so you build a strong home to withstand fire, flood, winds, and other problems that are out of your control. This is exactly how you should also build your relationship.

How to Build a Relationship

First, you must be ready and committed to building your relationship and doing the work that it takes to strengthen the bonds between you and your partner. Building a relationship is much like building muscle by exercise. You must strengthen the small, individual strands that make up the muscle mass – this means strengthening the small bonds between you and your partner.

Accept Small Relationship Challenges

Exercise is a test, and so are the exercises that test the bonds of relationships. Challenge yourself and your partner to endure the tougher aspects of the relationships.

Relationship Tests

Meeting Family — Are you nervous about meeting each others parents? Don’t avoid the test, embrace it and see it as a wonderful exercise to test your bonds. Dive into the situation together as a couple; face the challenges that come from first meetings and introductions and strive to get through the challenge as best as you (both) can as a couple.

Explore Each Others Interests — you and your partner are not going to be into the same things; you will each have your own hobbies, likes, dislikes, and activities. This is a point where weak individuals can let their partners differences get to them, or where a schism between your personalities can occur. Even if you don’t particularly like or share an interest-in your partner’s likes and hobbies, you should respect their interests and learn how to allow your partner their own personal “things” (likes, hobbies, goals, etc.)

If you and your partner’s differences in interests cause you strife or are too much to get over,” then you have just discovered a “weak point” in the relationship. This weak point can either be dealt with and fixed early in the relationship; or. if allowed to linger, it can eventually be a failure point — causing the relationship to crumble later.

Overcoming Time Apart from Your Partner — some people let their negative feelings and thoughts overcome them, when they are “alone” or without their partner for extended periods of time. Your partner is your “rock” and your support system, but it is a great test of your relationship to see how you function apart for a short period of time. Distance should make the heart grow fonder, and the time apart should strengthen your bonds.

If the time apart brings you to desire other things (goals, qualities from your partner, experiences), then this is a great point where you can together decide whether the relationship can survive these desires for change. Again, this test can discover a weak point in the relationship that can either 1.) be repaired, or 2.) cause both partners to re-evaluate their long term goals for the relationship.

Marriage Coaching for Relationship Tests

A coach is simply someone who brings out the best in you and your actions. A Marriage coach is someone whose input and insight will help you and your partner to engage in relationship tests to bring out the best in you as a couple and in your relationship actions.

Marriage coaches can help in two ways: A.) Proactive Marital Coaching, and B.) Remedial Marital Coaching.

Proactive Marital Coaching

A Proactive Marital Coach works on a healthy relationship, before any major relationship problems arise, with the goal of strengthening and making the relationship bonds better.

Remedial Marital Coaching

A Remedial Marital Coach works on a relationship that is in trouble, where major relationship problems are arising, and with the coal of saving the relationship from ending.

Proactive marriage coaches can help to relieve issues between partners that may eventually evolve into relationship-ending issues. These proactive marriage coaches also help to keep the relationship in a healthy state by challenging the couples with healthy relationship tests whenever the relationship gets “stale” or if the stability of the relationship begins to waver.

Finding Arizona Marriage Coaches

All of our Couples Therapists at AZRI are well-versed in the practices of marriage coaching. It is the overall goal for a couples therapist to strengthen all relationships — even during “Discernment Therapy” where the goal is to END a relationship on “Good Terms.” Our Arizona Marriage Coaches and Couples Therapists can help couples to sort through the noise in a relationship and discover the true underlying problems . Together with your Marriage Coach, couples either strengthen their relationships and become committed to saving the marriage, or will prove that their problems are truly irreconcilable.

The post Using Couples Therapy as a Marriage Coach appeared first on Arizona Relationship Institute.

When couples are stuck in deciding whether or not to break-up, Discernment Counselors can offer a way to sort through the pros and cons of a decision in either direction.

What is Discernment Therapy for Couples Counseling?

Discernment Therapy is recommended for couples who are “ambivalent” about breaking up or divorcing. This means that they are unsure of whether or not they want to break up or stay together. Ambivalent couples tend to “lean-in and -out of their desire to break-up.

Couples needing discernment therapy and counseling are unsure of how to move-forward and are at a stalemate. A discernment relationship counseling can help couples to break the stalemate and move-forward with a decision confidently (whether that decision is to break-up or stay-together).

Discernment Therapy for Couples Looking to Make A Big Step Forward

Couples do not only use discernment therapy for the decision to end a relationship; couples can also discern whether or not to make a big step forward in the relationship: either getting engaged, married, having kids, or other life events.

What Are The Core Principles of Discernment Counseling?

Bill Doherty, a University of Minnesota counselor, developed the principals of Discernment Counseling as a way for couples to clarify whether or not their relationship problems can be fixed. The principals are based of 4 core questions that couples should ask each other and themselves:

• • • What happened in the relationship that caused us to consider ending it?
    • What has been done to try and fix the relationship?
    • How do children factor in the the decision to end the relationship?
      • Either existing children or hopes for future children
    • What were the best best times we experienced in our relationship?

These 4 questions start the framework for looking-at the foundation of their relationship in the past, present and future. This foundation is the groundwork on-which the discernment of the relationship rests.

Interfaith Pre-Marital Counseling >>

Discernment Therapy Before Marriage Counseling

Often times, marriage counseling can begin with a lot of arguing and non-productive fighting and bickering. In these cases, discernment counseling BEFORE the marriage counseling can help to clear away many of the small issues that do not play a big part in the relationship, but cause a lot of arguments.

Pre-marital Counseling Services >>

By clearing away the  mess, and getting the couple to ask themselves if the want to continue, the couple and the counselor start marriage counseling with the ability to get directly to the core issues.

When Should You See A Discernment Counselor?

When you are thinking about ending your relationship or taking a big step forward is the best time to see a discernment counselor. A Discernment Therapist will help couples to organize their thoughts, ideas, worries and goals. This organization helps couples to confidently make decisions about moving-forward or ending a relationship.

Separating The Decision to Save the Relationship from the Work to Save The Relationship

Not only does saving the relationship take a lot of work, but simply deciding whether or not to save the relationship is a big step. Discernment Therapy breaks it down into 2 separate phases: First, decide whether or not the relationship is worth saving. Then start building a path forward in the second phase; either a path forward together, or separately.

What Is The Difference Between Marriage Counseling and Discernment Counseling?

Couples in marriage counseling have already agreed to save their marriage. Couples in Discernment Counseling are weighing whether they want to save the marriage.

A big problem in marriage counseling is when 1 partner wants to save the marriage and the other has already decided to give up on the marriage. Marriage counseling will never be successful if the two partners have not yet agreed on whether to save the marriage — and technically,  these couples are still stuck in discernment therapy, not marriage counseling.

“Is My Marriage Worth Saving?”

The 3 Conclusions of Discernment Therapy

There are 3 conclusions, or outcomes, from discernment therapy:

• • • Both partners commit to the work of couples therapy (commit to fix the problems).
    • Both partners agree to proceed with a separation.
    • The partners maintain the status quo (stay stuck in the stalemate and not commit to separating or working on the relationship)

It is important to understand that the third outcome (Maintaining the Status Quo) can be maintained for years… Like Tic-Tac-Toe, it will always end in a stalemate unless the two partners both allow the game to end.

Discernment Counseling in Mesa, Arizona

At The Arizona Relationship Institute, Discernment Counseling is an integral part of all of our couples therapy and marriage counseling services. All couples must first decide whether or not the relationship is worth saving, and commit to saving the relationship — or no progress will be made.

Our therapists have a wide range of backgrounds, education, and specialties in their therapeutic backgrounds. Making us capable of successfully assisting with individuals, couples, and families in dealing with an equally wide range of issues.

Our integrated team of medical professionals, nutritional wellness technicians, behavioral health technicians, and nurses give us the ability to address numerous life-concerns that play a part in relationships.

For Marriage Counseling, Discernment Counseling, and Couples Counseling, Contact Our Team:

Contact Us >>

The post What is Discernment Therapy for Couples Counseling? appeared first on Arizona Relationship Institute.

When speaking with a relationship counselor, the therapist may mention “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” They are referring to the  4 toxic communication habits that hurt relationships — not to the biblical harbingers of doom. This article is designed to educate you about the 4 horsemen, so you understand what your counselor or therapist is talking about…

Dr. John Gottman

Dr. John Gottman studied couples and how they approach issues in their relationship in a groundbreaking study in 1984. Based on what he observed, he categorized couples into those who were able to “Master” their problems, and those whose relationships turned into “Disasters.”

Masters and Disasters of Relationships

Dr Gottman studied the communication styles of couples and was able identify 4 behaviors in the “Disasters” group that all shared:

• • • Criticism
    • Defensiveness
    • Contempt
    • Stonewalling

By simply looking for these 4 communication styles, Dr Gottman was able to accurately predict (within 90%) which couples would not be able to work-out their problems, and would end their relationship in a divorce or separation.

Further, Gottman found that helping couples to intervene in these 4 negative behaviors would increase the likelihood that the problems would be worked-out and the couple would stay together. He found that these four horsemen indicated the 4 points of communication that make-or-break the relationship. Couples that master these points can overcome even the bleakest of situations. — while those that let these points overcome them, end in disaster.

Criticism Between Couples

It is important to understand the difference between a “complaint,” and a “criticism.” A complaint – is something (like an annoying behavior or action) that partner points-out to another, with the hopes of fixing it together. A criticism is usually not specific to one action or behavior that is used more as an attack than pointing-out to help fix it.

The best example that everyone can understand, is a local store that you have shopped at for a while. As time goes by and your relationship with this store changes, you might have complaints or criticisms.

EXAMPLE #1: A Company

Example of a Complaint:

Your store used to offer loyalty rewards points, where I would get my 10th cup of coffee for free. You don’t do that anymore, and I really miss it. Will you be bringing it back?

Example of a Criticism:

This store has gone downhill! Don’t you even care about your customers anymore? I much prefer the way it used to be. I hope the management gets it together soon, or I will not be shopping here anymore!

EXAMPLE #2: A Person

Example of a Complaint:

You used to come home and kiss me first thing when you got home. Now you come home and the first thing you do is unload your problems from the day on me.  That snowballs into the rest of the night being about our problems and not about us. Maybe we should try to change our first priority in the evenings, and that will help the rest of our issues.

Example of a Criticism:

You’ve changed! Your not the same person you used to be any I don’t like who you are turning into. All you care-about and focus-on is our problems. I can’t keep going on this way and I don’t want to live like this with you.

With the above examples, it is clear to see how your attitude toward the situation can how you communicate can completely change the likely outcome. There are problems in every relationship, and couples need to address those problems; but, if you choose to communicate your issues as a criticism instead of a complaint, you will likely make the problem worse.

Defensiveness Between Couples

Everyone has the right to defend themselves, but much like “Complaint VS Criticism,” there is a right way and wrong way to go about it. Interestingly enough, the First Horsemen (Criticism) also usually leads to the Second Horsemen (Defensiveness). This creates a cycle that the couple cannot seem to get out of — a criticism leads to a defense and/or a criticism back at the other.

The best way to avoid defensiveness is to avoid criticism. However, once the fight has been started, it takes 2 cool heads to prevail, and both need to back down from their positions atop the first two horsemen. Otherwise, it will continue on its cycle between the two until one or both unleash the Third Horseman: Contempt.

Contempt Between Couples

This is a scary place for people to reach — and often the point where couples reach out to a Couples Therapist. The definition of “Contempt” says it all…

“Contempt: the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn.”

Contempt is actually a natural reaction when we feel we have been attacked. It not a good feeling or a positive reaction, but it is a natural defense mechanism, nonetheless.

Contempt for our partners and the ones we care-for is not good, however. And the situation needs to be dismantled just like a ticking time bomb — before it dismantles the relationship.

When couples have contempt for one another, the criticisms and attacks continue. You will often hear couples say things like, “He/she doesn’t care about me anyway so I am doing what I need to do  focusing on myself, and doing what makes me happy.”  – This statement is stuffed full of criticism, defensiveness, attack AND places the partner as worthless and beneath their happiness.

The best way to avoid contempt in a relationship is to once-again avoid the first horseman: Criticism. Work on the problems at their roots — don’t wait until the blossom into a thorny bush, deeply anchored.

Stonewalling Between Couples

At this point the arguments and relationship is almost not salvageable. Stonewalling is when a person “shuts down” and refuses to acknowledge the situation or respond. They sit there, like a stone wall, and let words just bounce right off of them. Again, this is another natural defense mechanism — that the body triggers to avoid further stress on the body and mind.

Stonewalling happens in the short-term and the long-term. During an argument or an intense conversation, a person might shut down temporarily to avoid furthering the argument. However, stonewalling can happen in the long-term as well. This is when huge problems are living just below surface of the relationship, but one or both partners refuse to acknowledge them or bring them up again. The problems have not been addressed or solved, but hidden away while to couple keeps living day-to-day.

Why Do Some People Refuse to Believe Their Partner is Cheating on them?

An example of long-term stonewalling is when 1 partner is cheating, or having multiple affairs, and the other partner refuses to believe it or refuses to address the problem — hoping that the relationship can be saved and go on by pretending the problems don’t exist. This refusal to believe their partner is cheating is simply them stonewalling themselves.

Avoiding the Four Horsemen of Relationship Problems

As we have said multiple times in this article — the best way to avoid any and all of the 4 horsemen is to avoid the first horsemen: Criticism. Criticism in a relationship is like poison. This is easier-said-than-done, however. And this is why we strongly recommend couples therapy when couples get into problems that they cannot work out themselves. Most often, it is the four horsemen that are making their issues “unresolvable.” Therapists are trained to look for these negative behaviors and communication styles, and can help both partners to learn what they are and learn how to avoid them.

The post What Are The Four Horsemen of Bad Relationship Communication Habits? appeared first on Arizona Relationship Institute.