If you were told as a kid that you were “mature for your age” or “wise beyond your years”, you might have been what’s called a “parentified child.” Parentification, a subcategory of abuse, is when a child and their caretaker reverse roles, so the child is expected to take on adult responsibilities and/or emotions that their caretaker or parent should have been in charge of handling. Role reversal can have a harmful impact on the development of children and their future relationships.

The Two Types of Parentification

According to Guy-Evans (2025), there are two types of parentification.

Instrumental Parentification

Instrumental parentification is when a child takes on physical or child-care responsibilities, like getting a job to help pay bills, assuming parental duties for siblings like emotional comfort, “babysitting” or driving siblings places without a choice, and maintaining upkeep of the household, separate from typical chores.

Emotional Parentification

Emotional parentification is when a child is a “confidant” or “therapist” for their parent. Raypole (2024) also calls this type of parentification “emotional incest”, differentiating this type by a parent treating their child more like a romantic partner than their child.

Emotional incest/parentification looks like a child managing or taking on the emotions of the parent, providing comfort, advice and loyalty to the parent unable to manage their own “adult” emotions. Guy-Evans (2025) states the child might try to keep the parent calm when that parent is dysregulated, be expected to keep secrets, listen to the parent’s problems, and/or take actions that the parent insists the child do in order for the parent to emotionally stabilize.

The emphasis in emotional parentification is on the parent’s well-being, not the child’s, and is not developmentally appropriate or healthy for the child.

Signs of Parentification

Common signs of parentification in childhood include being “mature” for your age, difficulty with prioritizing personal needs over the needs of others, caretaking of others, calm situations being uncomfortable, and feeling grief when reflecting on childhood (Guy-Evans, 2025).

It can also present as needing to “fix” or “rescue” people, difficulty saying “no”, anxiety when trying to rest or relax, seeking validation through productivity or helpfulness, and difficulty asking for help (Guy-Evans, 2025).

Long-Term Effects of Parentification

Parentified children often experience symptoms of anxiety, perfectionism, and missed developmental milestones, with anxiety being the most common feature, particularly in social situations (Guha, 2021).

These symptoms are the result of a child needing to maintain a connection with their parent (please refer to research on “attachment theory”) and thus adapting to the circumstances in order to maintain that connection, despite the lack of the child’s emotional and physiological needs being met.

According to Guha (2021), this creates a sense of fear and helplessness for the developing child. The child perceives that the world around them is dangerous and requires adaptations for “survival” that would not have otherwise been present had the child felt safe to be a child.

Who Is Most at Risk?

Most at-risk are children who have parents with substance abuse problems, suffer from mental illness/chronic illness or health concerns, are immigrants/refugees, or are single/divorced.

Adults who were also victims of parentification are more likely to carry that forward with their own children (Dariotis, et al, 2023).

According to Buie (2026), parents are oftentimes unaware that they are parentifying their child. Despite this, Buie (2026) states that parentification usually happens in private, away from “other adults who could point it out” or step in to care for the child.

Healing From Parentification

The longer these behaviors continue, the more detrimental the negative effects. Building a supportive network as a parentifying adult or expanding resources to eliminate these behaviors is critical for personal well-being, relationships and family care.

There are also resources available to help someone who might have been parentified as a child and experiencing any of these symptoms.

Beginning therapy with a focus on attachment work (Psychology Today, 2025), learning boundaries, practicing mindfulness and self-compassion can encourage healing.

Books like Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, Running on Empty by Jonice Webb, and The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van Der Kolk can provide further education on family roles, emotional neglect, childhood stress and trauma.

It’s time to take care of yourself and your needs.

References

Buie, E. (2026). Stolen childhoods: Divorce and emotional parentification. Psychology Today.

Dariotis, J. K., Chen, F. R., Park, Y. R., Nowak, M. K., French, K. M., & Codamon, A. M. (2023). Parentification vulnerability, reactivity, resilience, and thriving: A mixed methods systematic literature review. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 20(13), 6197.

Guha, A. (2021). The parentified child in adulthood. Psychology Today.

Guy-Evans, O. (2025). Parentification effects: How growing up too fast impacts adulthood. Simply Psychology.

Psychology Today. (2025). Parentification. Psychology Today.

Raypole, C. (2022). How to recognize and heal from emotional incest. Healthline.

Written 5/18/26

The post Parentification: When a Child Takes on Adult Responsibilities appeared first on Arizona Relationship Institute.

You might be sitting at a hospital bedside, driving to yet another appointment, or helping a parent tell the same story for the third time. From the outside, life can look almost normal–work, meals, small talk, errands. But inside, it can feel like you’re living with a countdown you never agreed to. You may find yourself caretaking and grieving at the same time: loving someone deeply while also bracing for what might be ahead.

Anticipatory Grief is the name for grief that happens before a death or major loss. It can show up when someone has a serious illness, ongoing decline, dementia, a high-risk pregnancy, active military deployment, addiction, or any situation where a major change feels likely. This kind of grief isn’t “giving up” on the person. It’s your mind and heart responding to uncertainty and fear.

One of the toughest parts is how conflicting your emotions can be. You might feel:

• sadness and love
• anger and compassion
• relief and guilt
• numbness and hope

Sometimes several of these show up in the same day–or even the same hour. That doesn’t mean you’re cold or selfish. It means you’re human.

Anticipatory grief can feel especially confusing because the person is still alive. Routines keep going. Other people may say, “At least they’re still here,” and not understand why you seem so shaken. You may end up holding it alone, especially if you’re trying to stay “strong” for everyone else.

Grief can also begin with smaller losses long before the final loss: a change in personality, lost independence, shifting family roles, or shared plans that no longer feel possible. Those losses count, even when they’re hard to put into words.

What Anticipatory Grief Is (and What It Isn’t)

Anticipatory Grief is grief that starts while a loss is approaching but hasn’t fully happened yet. Many people notice it comes in waves: you might feel steady for a few days, then get hit with a surge of sadness, anger, or numbness after a test result, a fall, a new symptom, or even a quiet moment at home. As the situation shifts, your grief can shift too.

Anticipatory grief also isn’t limited to death. It can begin with other major losses, like:

• loss of independence (needing help with bathing, driving, or memory)
• relationship changes (becoming more of a caregiver than a partner or child)
• moving to assisted living or a nursing home
• infertility or a high risk of pregnancy loss
• divorce or the end of a long-term relationship

Some common myths can pile on shame. You might think, “If I grieve now, I’m giving up,” “I should only feel grateful,” “I’m being dramatic,” or “I’m jinxing it.” But grieving early doesn’t cause the loss, and it doesn’t mean you love the person less. Often it means you love them so much that your mind is trying to get ready for change.

It can also be tricky to sort grief from other struggles. Grief often comes in waves and is tied to the situation–certain dates, places, or medical updates may set it off. Depression tends to feel more constant and can affect many areas of life at once, like sleep, appetite, motivation, and hope. Anxiety often comes along with anticipatory grief too, showing up as worry about the future, medical decisions, finances, caregiving, or being alone.

There’s no “right timeline” and no single correct way to grieve. If you’re unsure what you’re feeling, or it’s starting to interfere with daily life, it’s okay to reach out to a counselor, doctor, or support group.

Signs of Anticipatory Grief: Emotional, Physical, and Social Clues

Anticipatory grief can look different from person to person. You might feel “fine” in the morning and fall apart at night. Or you may feel numb and wonder why you’re not crying. Noticing the signs of anticipatory grief can help you name what’s happening and ask for the support you deserve.

Emotional signs

Many people feel a mix of emotions that can change quickly. Common emotional signs include:

• sadness
• irritability (getting annoyed more easily than usual)
• guilt (for feeling upset, needing a break, or wishing things were different)
• fear about what’s coming
• helplessness
• resentment (often tied to unfairness or exhaustion)
• longing for “how it used to be”
• feeling detached or emotionally numb

Thought and focus (cognitive) signs

Your mind may stay on high alert. You might notice trouble focusing, racing thoughts, “what if” loops, forgetfulness, or feeling unreal or on autopilot. This can be your brain’s way of trying to manage stress and uncertainty.

Physical signs

Grief can show up in the body. Some people notice sleep changes (too much or too little), appetite changes, fatigue, headaches, a tight chest, or stomach upset. If symptoms are severe, new, or worrying–especially chest pain, shortness of breath, fainting, or ongoing stomach issues–check in with a medical professional.

Behavioral and social signs (including family dynamics)

You may pull away from friends, snap at loved ones, overwork to stay busy, avoid the ill person because it hurts, or become overly controlling to feel safer. In families, people often grieve differently–one person talks constantly while another shuts down. Those differences can lead to conflict around care decisions, money, or “who’s doing enough.” It’s also common to feel alone even in a crowd.

These signs are common, and they don’t mean you’re failing. If they start to interfere with daily life–work, sleep, relationships, or basic self-care–support is available through counseling, support groups, faith leaders, or your doctor.

Coping Skills You Can Use This Week

When Anticipatory Grief is active, your nervous system often stays on high alert. That can make everyday tasks feel heavier and emotions feel bigger. The goal isn’t to “fix” grief–it’s to help you get through the next hour or day with a little more steadiness. Think of these steps to take as small experiments, not rules.

A quick pause for intense moments

When you feel panicky, flooded, or close to snapping, try this 60-90 second reset:

• Slow breathing: inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 6 counts. Do 6-10 rounds. A longer exhale can cue your body to slow down.
• Grounding with the five senses: name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste. This pulls your mind out of “what if” and back into “right now.”

Name feelings to tame them

Strong emotions can feel less overwhelming when you put a name to them. Try simple phrases like, “This is fear,” “This is sadness,” or “This is anger.” Then add a kinder follow-up: “Of course I feel this way–this is a hard situation.” This kind of self-talk can ease shame and soften the inner pressure many people feel when they notice signs of anticipatory grief.

Make a small circle of control list

On paper, draw two columns: Today I can control and Today I can’t control.

• Can control: eat one decent meal, drink water, take a shower, rest for 20 minutes, make one phone call, ask a question at the appointment.
• Can’t control:  outcomes, timelines, other people’s choices, test results, how fast someone declines.

When your mind starts spinning, come back to the “can” list and choose one next step.

Support your body (because grief lives there, too)

Grief isn’t only emotional–it can affect sleep, appetite, and energy. A simple routine can help your body carry stress:

• pick a consistent sleep window when possible
• keep water nearby
• take a short walk or stretch
• get a few minutes of daylight

Set boundaries with information

Too much information can crank up anxiety. Limit doom-scrolling, choose one trusted “medical point person” to share updates, and set update times (for example, after appointments or once each evening) so you’re not on alert all day.

Use connection as support

Pick one person to text daily–even a simple “Thinking of you” counts. If you need help, ask specifically: rides to appointments, a meal drop-off, childcare, or someone to sit with your loved one while you rest.

Try journaling when your mind won’t stop

• “What am I afraid of?”
• “What do I need today?”
• “What do I want them to know?”

Some coping tools can backfire when they turn into a pattern–like alcohol, isolation, or constant busyness. If you notice those habits creeping in, try gentler swaps: a warm shower, a short walk, a support group, a calming playlist, or a 10-minute check-in with someone safe.

Steps to Take When Loss Feels Near: Conversations, Planning, and Meaning

When loss feels close, it can help to choose a few steps to take that reduce uncertainty and future regret. These are options, not requirements. You don’t have to do them all, and you don’t have to do them perfectly. Even one small step can bring a bit more steadiness to anticipatory grief.

Have the conversations that matter (when possible)

If the person who is ill can talk, consider gentle questions like:

• “What matters most to you right now?” (comfort, independence, faith, being at home, seeing certain people)
• “What helps you feel comfortable?” (music, quiet, certain foods, blankets, less talking, more touch)
• “How do you want updates shared?” (who should know what, and when)

If talking feels like too much, you can still offer presence: “I’m here,” “We can sit quietly,” or “I can read to you.”

Do a little practical planning

Planning won’t erase the pain, but it can reduce stress during a crisis. If you can, gather:

• advance directives (health care wishes) and the loved ones attorney
• a current medication list (dose, schedule, pharmacy)
• emergency contacts and key doctors
• insurance information and important documents (all put in one place)

If this feels overwhelming, ask a social worker, hospice team, or the medical care team where to start.

Create memory and meaning in small ways

• record stories, photos, or voice notes (even a few minutes)
• make small rituals: tea together, favorite music, reading aloud, a short prayer, a hand squeeze

Make room for repair and closure

If it fits your relationship, simple phrases can carry a lot: “I love you,” “Thank you,” “I’m sorry,” “I forgive you,” or “Goodbye for now.” You can say them in a letter, a text, or out loud.

Protect the caregiver, too

Caregiving stress can intensify anticipatory grief. If you’re providing care, consider rotating tasks, taking respite breaks, and accepting help–even if it isn’t done your way.

Handle family conflict by returning to shared goals

When tension rises, try coming back to comfort and dignity. Use “I” statements (“I’m worried about…”) and consider a mediator like a chaplain, counselor, or a family meeting with the care team.

After the Hard Days: Finding Support and Moving Forward

Even after the loss, Anticipatory Grief may not simply “end.” It often shifts into a different kind of grief–sometimes with relief, sometimes with sadness that comes in waves, and sometimes with numbness. This is normal. Your mind and body may have been bracing for a long time, and it can take time to adjust.

When things feel heavy, come back to the coping skills that help you stay steady:

• Grounding: slow breathing, five-senses noticing, or feeling your feet on the floor
• Routines: simple sleep, meals, water, and movement to support your body
• Connection: one honest check-in with a trusted person
• Boundaries: limit draining conversations, information overload, or extra obligations
• Small steps toward meaning: a short walk, a letter, a ritual, a memory project, or one helpful task

Support can come from trusted friends, faith leaders, support groups, hospice or palliative care resources, and therapy (including grief counseling). If the signs of anticipatory grief–or grief after the loss–feel stuck or overwhelming, it’s okay to ask for more help.

Seek urgent help if you have thoughts of self-harm, feel unsafe, can’t function for days, have panic that feels unmanageable, or find yourself depending on alcohol or drugs to get through. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or call emergency services.

You don’t have to carry this alone. If today feels like too much, focus on one next step.

The post When Loss Feels Close: Coping Skills for Anticipatory Grief appeared first on Arizona Relationship Institute.

What Are The Types of Grief Counseling?

Grief is an emotion someone experiences due to sorrow over loss. The loss is usually the death or loss of someone close, but an individual can experience grief at any time for any number of reasons that are considered a devastating loss to that person.

The loss of a pet, the tragic death of a co-worker, or even the loss of a business can trigger feelings of grief. Some may even experience grief at the loss of opportunities — like missing a promotion, realizing you are unable to fulfill a dream, or any form of regret that also pains you as a loss.

It is important to realize that grief is an emotion or a state that a person is-in; it is not the cause of the emotion (the death / trigger), it is the reaction in your mind and body to the trigger. The reaction to the action of loss.

With a wide spectrum of types of grief and triggers for grief, it is important to break out the types of grief counseling to see the commonalities and differences. Therapy and counseling techniques should always be tailored to each induvial and case; however, there are some very common forms of grief therapy that we will touch upon below…

The Stages of Grief:

We will speak a lot about moving through the different phases of grief, so it is important to have an idea of what those phases are. There are 5 phases of grief, though some modalities recognize 7 phases. Most therapists stick with just the 5-phase model, though we will list both below:

The 5 Stages of Grief Vs. The 7 Phases of Grief

The steps are non-linear, meaning people don’t usually go through them in order, and steps can be repeated and progress lost or made toward ultimate acceptance and closure.

Five Stages of Grief:

• • • • Denial
      • Anger
      • Bargaining
      • Depression
      • Acceptance

The Seven Phases of Grief:

• • • • Shock
      • Denial
      • Anger
      • Bargaining
      • Depression
      • Acceptance and Hope
      • Processing Grief

Christian Grief Counseling

What is different about Christian Grief Counseling? Christians hold many beliefs, practices, ideas, and ideologies about both life and death. When discussing matters of both life and death with a Christian individual, couple, or family, it is important to have a shared understanding about the basics of the Christian faith.

Though there are many different forms of Christianity (LDS, Catholic, Protestant, etc.), they share many of the same foundations, and are based on the teachings and history of Jesus Christ. A Therapist-patient relationship is often more efficient when the two share a common ground. Sharing a spiritual common ground has helped many therapists and individuals work through a number of problems, especially grief and end of life counseling issues.

The Arizona Relationship Institute employs a diverse staff from a range of cultural backgrounds and faiths. Meet our AZRI Therapists and start your free consultation to begin the process of setting up Grief Therapy with a therapist you like, get along with, and can help you be a better you.

Grief Anxiety Counseling

We started this article by clarifying that a death does not need to have occurred for a person to begin to get feelings of grief. A person only needs to feel a sense of loss for their emotions to turn into grief. Grief Anxiety  Counseling is a service we offer at AZRI, and is a prime example of a type of “grief anxiety.” What is Grief Anxiety? It is simply the worry or fear about the deaths of others that manifests itself into grief. A person grieves a family member, friend or loved one before they have died.

This is most common when someone you know is terminally ill. When someone is in the later stages of cancer or a disease in-which death is inevitable, your mind struggles with understanding many aspects of the what is coming and it emotionally manifests as grief and loss. It is important to work through the grief emotions at this time, or the grief could last longer than it should and turn into an ongoing depression or other negative mental health condition.

Hospice Grief Counseling

Those that are terminally ill also need to work through their own set of grief emotions. They too are feeling a great sense of loss and may be grieving their own life, their regrets, the loss of mobility, and other personal losses. Grief Counseling for the Terminally Ill is important for those that have not yet made-peace or are ready to transition from this life. Terminally ill patients can usually get in-person or virtual therapy sessions easily scheduled based on their preference and abilities.

Online and Virtual Counseling Sessions from AZRI Are Available >>

Child Grief Counseling

Specifically, counseling for the loss of a child. We want to again point out that the loss does not mean the death of the child; but may be the loss of a child due to custody issues, parental rights issues, separation of blended families, or even the loss of your child’s innocence (turned to drugs and alcohol, other serious problems).

A parent who loses a child, whether through loss of contact or death, moves through the stages of grief at different speeds; but, it is important for them to move forward through the stages to the point of closure and acceptance.  This is the healing process that brings those stricken with grief to a happier life.

Pet Grief Counseling

As living creatures, we form very close relationships with other living creatures. Animals and pets can be our friends, our companions, our sons & daughters, or  our brothers and sisters. When we lose those close to us, we always experience grief in some form.

When an individual struggles deeply with grief, it becomes hard for them to concentrate on their own life and make positive decisions. It is at this point that one needs to seek grief therapy to help them move through the steps.

At AZRI, we commonly deal with grief from the loss of pets and animal companions and offer a wide range of available therapy options that can help you find closure and move on from the loss of those closest to you.

Adolescent and Teen Grief Counseling

Children, teens, young adults, adults and the elderly all grieve differently. Grieving has a lot to do with what stage of life you are in. Teens and young adults experience grief in a different way than adults, so it is important that a teen grief therapist has extensive experience with both teen counseling and grief counseling.

Experiencing death during the formative years of life leaves a lasting imprint on a person. It is very important for these emotions and feelings of grief to be dealt with in a positive way in the teen years. Otherwise, complex issues like regret, shame and guilt could negatively affect them in later years.

Adolescent Grief Counselors should help teens to find their own motivations for life through the grief, and move them through the negative steps of grief and into the healing and acceptance phases quickly, but at a comfortable pace for the adolescent.

Grief Counseling for Adults and Families

Loss affects more than just 1 person in most circumstances. A death especially affects all those that have ever interacted with the deceased. In some circumstances it may be best to engage in therapy for more than one member in a single family. Family Grief Counseling is available for families that are interested.

Adults seeking grief therapy and counseling for themselves or for their family should schedule a free consultation to begin the process of healing:

Grief Counseling for Couples

Many couples that enter into couples therapy and counseling come to find that they have unresolved feelings of loss — either from previous individual losses or shared losses. Couples may have lost their own loved ones earlier in life, or are struggling with grief anxiety and aging or terminally ill loved ones. Not only has Couples Grief Counseling helped with underlying marital and spousal issues, but proper grief counseling between couples can ensure that both partners resolve their own griefs and the relationship remains healthy.

Trauma and Grief Counseling

When an individual has experienced past trauma (Traumatic Experiences, Adverse Childhood Experiences [ACEs], etc.) their psyche and mental state has been damaged and there are often lingering effects. Those with PTSD and Trauma should work with therapists and counselors that recognize modern trauma-based therapy and trauma-informed therapy.

Our counselors and therapists at AZRI are not only trained in trauma-specific therapy but have experience in its related psychotherapies (CBT, etc.). It can be very comforting to work through grief with a therapy that has an understanding of the emotions surrounding both trauma and grief.

The post What Are The Types of Grief Counseling? appeared first on Arizona Relationship Institute.