Love is in the air! As a couple’s therapist, I carry zero shame about my Valentine’s Day obsession. It is absolutely my favorite holiday. I love love.
Understandably, not everyone shares that same sentiment.
With Valentine’s Day fast approaching (Hello, February!?), there is often pressure for couples to publicly display their love and affection. There are reservations to schedule, gifts to purchase, romantic trips to plan, photos to post…it can feel like a lot.
If you’re not super enthusiastic about celebrating the day—or don’t care to pay attention to it at all—that’s okay. And if you’d like to celebrate but aren’t sure how, let’s explore ways to make it more aligned with your relationship needs.
The Pressure Behind the Holiday
Many people question the holiday’s cultural origins or dislike the idea of focusing on relationships for just one day. Others find it overstimulating to go out when “a billion” other people are doing the same thing.
There can also be mismatched preferences between partners, performative pressures, relationship comparisons, and unspoken expectations. All of these can create tension.
According to Choi (2023), social media data using “Valentine’s Day” as the keyword showed the most associated term was “shop,” even over the word “love.” Recent Google searches focused heavily on Nike Valentine’s Day Air Force 1s and Squishmallows.
Societal and commercial forces often push material expressions of love instead of relational meaning. It’s easy to feel like the day is about what you buy rather than how you connect.
Connection Doesn’t Have to Cost a Thing
If you’re ballin’ on a budget and hoping to “slam dunk” without buying expensive shoes, there are meaningful ways to celebrate that are completely free—or finance-friendly.
Consider making a meal together, playing games at home, taking a walk at a favorite park (especially with this beautiful Arizona weather!), creating a homemade card, writing a love letter, or asking each other intentional relationship questions.
Simple doesn’t mean insignificant. In fact, it often means more.
The Comparison Trap
Pressures and comparisons can easily create resentment, disappointment, or doubts about compatibility.
Social media makes everything look possible—without fully representing reality. We see curated snapshots of “perfect” relationships and romantic gestures. But even couples who build brands around their love stories still face real-life challenges.
Trying to photo-op every romantic moment can amplify pressure to appear “perfectly in love” instead of cozying up in the mindful moments that truly make relationships meaningful.
The photos shouldn’t replace presence.
Love Beyond Romance
If you prefer unconventional celebrations—or you’re not in a romantic relationship—creating your own traditions can be incredibly special.
When I was growing up, my mom gifted my siblings and me a simple treat every Valentine’s Day. Now I carry that tradition forward with my own kids. It’s a reminder that intimate relationships aren’t the only important ones in life.
“Galentine’s” and “Palentine’s” celebrations have also grown in popularity. Whether it’s a movie night, a weekend trip, a dinner out, or a cozy night in catching up, connection is the real reward.
Traditions That Carry Meaning
Finding something meaningful outside the typical dinner-and-gifts routine can deepen tenderness.
For example, every Valentine’s Day my grandpa would fill a tiny heart-shaped vase with red carnations for my grandma. After he passed, my aunts continued the tradition. Now my spouse fills that same vase with red carnations for me each year.
Grandma holding the heart vase with flowers from grandpa in 2002. Photo coutesy of: Donnella Corey
It fills my heart cup right up—not because of the flowers themselves, but because of the meaning behind them.
Traditions create emotional continuity. They remind us that love is layered, generational, and deeply personal.
Preparing for the Day (So It Doesn’t Prepare You)
However you choose to spend Valentine’s Day—or not—you can prepare by identifying what’s important to you and your partner.
Ask yourself: What would feel meaningful this year? What feels like pressure? What expectations need to be clarified?
Having these conversations ahead of time can prevent disappointment, mawkishness, or resentment.
Then you can structure the day (or an alternative time) around genuine celebration instead of obligation.
Take or leave the sap—Valentine’s Day can be a day of connection for everyone.
References
Choi, J. A. (2023). Commercialization of Valentine’s Day on social media. Montclair State University. DigitalCommons@Montclair. https://digitalcommons.montclair.edu/
Written 01/31/26