Throughout the centuries, parents and their children have disagreed on things. No matter the era or societal structure, parents have struggled to understand their children and children have struggled to understand their parents. The gap between parents and their children is 100% natural, even though it leaves both frustrated with each other.
Every generation of parents has its “big parenting scare,” and it usually has to do with sex, sexuality, morality, and the struggle between two generations to understand them. In the 1960s “free love” and sexual exploration was a scary topic for parents just as it is today. Even though parents in 2024 are generally more sexually open than most parents in the 1960s, we see the same problem arising.
Gender Fluidity Throughout History
Sexual and gender fluidity is nothing new — for centuries men have been attracted to men and women to women and all combinations thereof. “Gender identity” is a relatively new word, but the ideas behind the word have circulated for years. There is also nothing wrong or unnatural about this fluidity, and the concepts of LGBTQ+ occur naturally in humans and other species of animals on Earth. Those who identify as LGBTQ+, have a fluid sexual or gender identity, or have a different sexual orientation are no better or worse than the other portion of the world that does not identify in this matter.
It is good to understand all of this above before we diver deeper into the discussion about parenting and LGBTQ+ issues. This will help bring an open understanding just as LGBTQ+ Family Therapy Sessions with your therapist will.
Understanding LGBTQ+ Children
Teens and young adults — as their sexuality develops — begin to explore and question their sexuality, among other emotions. This exploration is natural and helps us to develop a healthy understanding of sex and how we experience sexuality. We fumble and make mistakes as we learn about sex — just as with learning anything else — and our experiences shape our understanding.
One cannot fully understand sex without experimenting with sex, and speculations about sexuality cause anxiety and other negativities in both biological males and females. Everyone must be given the freedom to explore, make mistakes, learn, and perfect their understanding of sex and their sexual identity.
Do Parents Have Anything To Fear From LGBTQ+ and Sexual Identity Questions in Their Children?
No, this is to be expected in children as they develop their sexuality. They have no idea what is right or wrong or immoral, the are only trying to rationalize their sexual thoughts and feelings. That fear that parents feel is 100% in the parent’s head — and that is where the problem needs to be addressed.
Are There Any Behaviors Associated With Sexual Identity Exploration That Parents SHOULD Be Considered About?
Of course. Risky behaviors, especially risky sexual behavior, should be a concern of every parent. Sexual predators are common in all social circles, including SOME religious circles and SOME LBGTQ+ social circles — Sexual predators prey in all corners of society. However, don’t pre-judge any social circle, nor assume that all LGBTQ+ ideas are good or bad, they are just ideas — PEOPLE do good and bad things.
Should I worry if My Son Identifies As A Woman, Or My Daughter Identifies As A Man?
No. Parents have lots of rightful concerns, but developing your child’s personal identity is not your responsibility, it is your child’s. A parent’s direction can help mold the child’s opinions, perspectives, and identity, but those are wholly the child’s responsibilities and concerns.
Remember, Identities Change and Evolve Constantly
Parents are often terrified that the person their child is at 16-19 is going to be the person they are for the rest of their lives. This is false for all aspects of their character, including their own gender and sexual identities. While your adolescent telling you that they are now the opposite sex can be shocking for a parent to hear, its actually pretty typical of a teen or adolescent.
Teens and adolescents love shock value, especially shocking their parents, and they tend to gravitate towards ideas and behaviors that are opposite of those of their parents. Remember that they ARE young still, and their likes, dislikes, and personalities have changed, are changing, and will change again.
Christian Family Therapy for LGBTQ+ and Gender Identity Exploration
Christian and devoutly religious families facing challenges with LGBTQ+ issues and sexual identity questions can truly benefit from family talk therapy. Healthy and open conversation in a safe therapy environment can help all families members to discuss questions and issues that are uncomfortable or difficult. In this safe and comfortable environment, real progress can be made in the entire family.
Even the most devout and pious people are faced with thoughts, feelings and emotions that they do not understand; this includes sexual urges, sexual thoughts, and struggles between the thoughts and their sense of morality. Only through experience can we truly know what is right and wrong; our parents teach us the fundamentals of right and wrong, but we don’t truly understand why things are marked as right or wrong until we fully understand those things, and we can’t fully understand them unless we experience them.
Christian values teach us how to love and be a good person to others, and give a basic framework for living a happy life that Christ and God would approve of. There is not much mention about sex in the scriptures (Bible). Societal values have more to say about sex than traditional Christian teachings do; it is people and society that makes up rules about the “morality” of sexual thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Those societal values may have been built around a Christian foundation, but never forget that all constructs about sexuality are purely made by people and society — not ordained by a higher power.
The 10 Commandments and 7 Deadly Sins don’t say anything about condemning people for their own sexual explorations. People condemning or persecuting others for their own sexual thoughts, feelings, urges, or preferences is not okay; it is not “right,” nor is it in-line with the true Christian values we are taught to follow.
Advice For Christian Parents Struggling with a Understanding a Child’s LGBTQ+ and Sexual Identity Exploration
Our children’s life choices are their own, and not ours as parents; even though it is not our place, we feel the need to comment on their choices and try and steer our children in the direction WE want them to go. The feelings are 100% natural, and never really go away; but when a child gets to their developmental ages of teens, adolescence and young adulthood, we need to learn to let-go and let them live their own lives.
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- Family Therapy for LLGBTQ+ and Gender Identity Exploration IS NOT Conversion Therapy. It is not meant to fundamentally change or influence anyone’s life choices either way. It is to ensure the family all remains in-tact, loving, and happy in the face of even the toughest conversations.
- Therapists have a goal to help their patients find the truth within themselves, not to plant false truths or lead the patient to a conclusion that is fundamentally wrong or will harm them long-term.
- Family Therapists have a goal of helping all members of the family find their own truths and learn acceptance of others finding their own truths. We don’t always understand each other’s quirks, likes, dislikes, characteristics, habits, behaviors, and preferences; but we do accept them.
- Keeping the family together as a happy, whole, healthy unit is of the utmost importance and supersedes all smaller problems. Therapists offer an outside perspective and structured setting for the family conversations to take place.
Starting Family Therapy in Arizona for LGBTQ+ and Gender Identity Concerns
At The Arizona Relationship Institute in Mesa, AZ our therapists are very helpful in both areas of family therapy and healthy conversations about sexuality. Our therapists are experts and are not afraid to have the difficult family conversations that either make or break family relationships.
