Q. Why do I have to be specific with my husband about things that I want him to do? If he really loves me, shouldn’t he know me well enough to just figure out what I want from him?
One of the most common mistakes women make is to expect their husbands or boyfriends to “know” what they want without them having to tell them. It is not uncommon fo rwomen to place a high value on intuitiveness. To the extent that they place a high value on intuitiveness and a person’s ablility to identify what others are wanting or needing, without it being specifically stated, may confuse this ability with the ability to love. It is unfair for anyone, woman or man, to assume that their love one can or should know what they want without being told explicitly. It is also important to remember that men tend to be more concrete than women in their thinking. Therefore, the more specific you are about what you want, the more likely you are to get it.
Is it unfair for anyone, woman or man, to assume that their loved one can or should know what they want without being told explicitly?
Women often think we are being specific when they say, “I want you to show me that you love me more often” or “I want you to do more of your share of the housework.” To many men, hearing something like that can be like getting a pop quiz on a book they didn’t even know they were supposed to read. They won’t even know where to start. It is not because they don’t love you, but they don’t know how to measure whether or not they have met your expectations. Give them something they can work with. Try asking instead, “Will you please hold my hand when we go out together? I feel more loved when you hold my hand.” or, “I’m feeling overwhelmed with the housework and it would really mean a lot to me if you would work with me and the kids to pick up their toys before they go to bed.”
Most men want to succeed at showing the women they love that they love them and would welcome the specifics on how they can accomplish this. Make sure to acknowledge and thank them when they do respond to your requests for change. The more genuine poistive feedback they get from you, the more likley they will be to gladly respond to future requests. Pleasing you will become fun because they will know exactly how to be successful in doing what makes you happy. They will also enjoy the reward of your love and appreciation, as well as the reward of seeing you happy and knowing they have contributed to it.
