By: Dr. Lisa Gold
The ability to appreciate that which we have instead of focusing solely on that which we do not have is a key factor in a person’s resilience during difficult times. Even in the direst of circumstances there are things to be grateful for. There will be days when it seems like the only thing that goes right is there was a beautiful sunset or your morning run went well. There may even be years when you have to dig deep to acknowledge the gifts you have in your life. However, while you may have to dig deep to find something for which you are grateful, there is always something if you will dig deep enough.
One of the greatest gifts any of us can be fortunate to experience is the gift of a happy marriage. A happy marriage is not the result of one person’s efforts alone. It is not a result of being more worthy of love than those who do not enjoy such a marriage. It is nothing short of a miracle that the two of you have found each other and have both been committed to creating the kind of life together that you both desire. For those of you who are lucky enough to have a good marriage, I encourage you to express your appreciation to your spouse for the ways in which your life is better because of them. Don’t take them for granted. It is unfortunately all too common for spouses to take the quality of their marriage for granted. They often assume that a happy marriage is nothing out of the norm: that it is just an expected part of life. People sometimes mistakenly believe that a good marriage is just something to which they are entitled. Nothing could be further from the truth.
If you have a good marriage it is to your credit, but it is not to your credit alone. You have also been blessed to have a good spouse. That is something for which you should be very grateful. Make sure you express your appreciation to your spouse frequently. Make it a part of your daily life. By doing this, you are likely to see improvements in your already great marriage. For those of you who are in an unhappy marriage, one of the best ways to improve both the quality of our marriage and your personal happiness is to focus on the things that are good about your spouse and your marriage. Unless you are in an abusive relationship, there are likely to be good things about your spouse and your relationship. It is also important to focus on the things outside of your marriage that bring you happiness. Make sure you take time to include as many things in your life that are meaningful to you. Take responsibility for your own happiness and be grateful for the things that are going well in your life.
