In a garden, everyone notices the beauty of the flowers. What no one sees is what makes the blooming all possible—the roots underneath the surface.
In typical nuclear families, both relationship and intimacy satisfaction levels decline when becoming parents. As the number of children increases, the satisfaction levels continue to decrease (Twenge, Campbell, & Foster, 2003).
Delicate, Ayers and McMullen (2018) recommend couples receive antenatal education that includes preparation for relationship changes and transitional resolutions. Given the stress that accompanies parenthood, the decline in satisfaction makes sense.
The Added Stress of Blended Families
It should come as no surprise then that blended family couples are susceptible to increased stress that could negatively affect the relationship between them.
There are many more variables of stress for blended families that can influence whether a couple is satisfied or not. Parenting differences, conflicts between co-parents or chronic tension between stepparents and stepchildren can dramatically influence stress levels of a marriage and be determining factors of separation/divorce in remarriages (DeLongis & Zwicker, 2017).
According to Aughinbaugh and Rothstein (2024), approximately 46% of first marriages end in divorce. Second marriages have a divorce rate ranging from 39-41% and continue to show higher risk of dissolution as the number of remarriages increases (Aughinbaugh & Rothstein, 2024).
With the exposure of additional stress and risks posed in blended families, protection of the foundational relationship is vital.
It’s a different feel than what exists when a nuclear couple becomes “new” parents, but if the relationship is going to last, there needs to be intentional focus on nurture and care.
Parenting differences is a significant factor in relationship stress of blended families, but that stressor already existed in nuclear families. In fact, in blended families, research shows that relationship satisfaction actually increases long-term with the introduction of a shared biological child (Ivanova & Balbo, 2019).
If you don’t share any children, don’t feel the need to start baking in hopes of increasing your relational satisfaction. Please defer to the (6) ways below to protect and nourish the relationship so a strong foundation leads your family.
1. Prioritize the Relationship
Dates nights, weekends, or little moments in between. With or without the children in the house, making sure your partner feels seen and cared for by being intentional with your time and affection goes a long way.
It’s also a plus if there is time for the two of you to connect when the kids are at their other household.
Try to make time to foster that emotional connection that brought the two of you together in the first place.
2. Find Good Educational Resources and Materials on Blended Families
Like the recommendation above for couples stepping foot into parenthood, preparing ahead of time and continuing to resource can provide armor for any conflicts or stress presented in blended family life.
Finding books, podcasts, research, blogs (look at you, already doing this!) or even seeking counseling support can all contribute to strengthening your relationship.
3. Establish Clear Family Roles
Children AND adults in the house benefit when everyone knows what to expect.
Ensuring clear family roles, boundaries and expectations can provide reassurance and ease anxiety/frustration all-around.
(Note: see previous blogs on establishing roles as stepdads/stepmoms).
4. Present as a United Parenting Team
As much as possible, work together as a team to identify any problem areas or disputes in parenting.
It’s not going to be perfect, but working to establish a good understanding of what each of your ideal expectations, rules and consequences for your household is critical to relationship stability and health.
5. Practice Flexibility
It’s going to change. Constantly.
As children develop and grow, seemingly so do needs, rules, scheduling demands and routines.
Being able to easily adjust, hopefully with open and frequent communication, can help immensely.
6. Create New Family Traditions
There is grief for everyone in blended families, even if the circumstances are mostly positive.
Creating your own traditions as a couple and family can promote closeness and create something to look forward to in the relationships.
Nourishing the Roots
In a blended family, the chaos never stops.
If you let it, the stress can take hold and quickly overwhelm the foundation supplying all the nutrients and holding it all together.
The strength of your partnership is the root system that nourishes every other family relationship, giving the entire garden a better chance to flourish.
References
Aughinbaugh, A., & Rothstein, D. S. (2024). Patterns of marriage and divorce from ages 15 to 55: Evidence from the NLSY79. Monthly Labor Review. U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. https://doi.org/10.21916/mlr.2024.15
Delicate, A., Ayers, S., & McMullen, S. (2018). A systematic review and meta-synthesis of the impact of becoming parents on the couple relationship. Midwifery, 61, 88–96. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.midw.2018.02.022
DeLongis, A., & Zwicker, A. (2017). Marital satisfaction and divorce in couples in stepfamilies. Current Opinion in Psychology, 13, 158–161. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.09.003
Ivanova, K., & Balbo, N. (2019). Cementing the stepfamily? Biological and stepparents’ relationship satisfaction after the birth of a common child in stepfamilies. Journal of Family Issues, 40(10), 1346–1363. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X19836456
Twenge, J. M., Campbell, W. K., & Foster, C. A. (2003). Parenthood and marital satisfaction: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Marriage and Family, 65(3), 574–583. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00574.x
Written 9/07/26
