I was driving back to Mesa from a professional conference in Long Beach, California when something happened to me that made me think a bit about my life. I had carefully planned by trip using an online map program, and I was set on my way. I thought I had done everything necessary to prepare for my journey. I was sure about where I wanted to go, and I had researched the best path to take. I was careful to stay alert to the signs along the way that would indicate I was on the right path. I was vigilant about looking for the sign designating the turn I needed to make in order to stay on the path I needed to follow to take me to the ultimate destination.
Despite all my efforts to stay on course, I somehow missed the turn I was supposed to make. I got off track and was headed a whole other direction than I had planned. I was getting further and further away from my planned destination. “How could I have missed it?” I asked myself in disbelief. “I was watching so carefully, and I had planned so well. What went wrong?” I remained in disbelief for a while and continued along the wrong course even though I knew in my gut that I was not on the course I planned on going. I just couldn’t believe that I got off course when I was trying so hard to stick with my plan. “How is that possible?”
Finally, I turned off to a rest stop, I got some lunch, re-evaluated my map, and I took some time to think through things. I still couldn’t see how I got off course, but I figured what I needed to do in order to get back to my desired path. I took a deep breath and swallowed my pride. I felt better after the short rest and the nourishment. I turned around and did what I needed to do to get back on track.
As I turned back, I felt frustrated that I had wasted all that time driving on the wrong course. “But what good does it do to feel bad about that?” I asked myself. “It won’t get me there any faster. It will only make me feel more miserable and interfere with my ability to enjoy the ride from here on out. It is what it is. I can’t do anything about it now but get back on course and enjoy the rest of my journey as much as possible.” So, I took a deep breath and let it out. I let my shoulders relax and put on some of my favorite music. I took in the scenery and thought about how good it felt to just be on the open road with nothing really to worry about at the moment but moving forward. Worrying about the past would not do me any good, and I couldn’t do anything about the future at that moment, except do my best to stay on course. As all of these thoughts flooded my brain, I couldn’t help but see this experience and the thoughts I had about it, as a metaphor for life. I encourage you to reread what you’ve just read, but this time, instead of reading it as being about my drive home from California, read it as if it about your life. Read it as if it is about how you somehow got off course from accomplishing a goal you had set, and apply these ideas to getting back on track toward succeeding in accomplishing the goal. Life is not a destination, it is a journey. Despite our best efforts, we all get off course at different times along our journey. Sometimes, we may not be paying enough attention to the signs that will keep us on course: other times, we really are doing our best, but we still somehow missed the signs.
When we get off track, the only thing we can do is to get off the wrong track as soon as we realize we have done so. Sometimes it takes a while as we may be in denial or lying to ourselves before we are ready to turn around. We tell ourselves that we must be on the right course, even though in our gut, we know we are going in the wrong direction. Sometimes, we may stay on the wrong course for a while because we don’t want to face the reality of how long it will take us to get on the right track once we do turn around.
Denial, or ignoring what we know to be true deep inside ourselves, will never help us get where we really want to go. Once we are able to be honest with ourselves and listen to our gut, we need to turn around. Often times, in order to face the longer journey that we must embark upon to get back on track it can be wise to make a pit stop. During this pit stop, it is wise to take some time to honestly reflect on where we were going, how we got off track, where we want to go, and what we have to do to get to where we want to be. Nourishment for the body and soul can help promote healing and give us the jump start we need to face the road ahead.
Once we have turned around and we are embarked upon the necessary road back to our intended path, we must try to focus on the present more. We must learn from the mistakes of the best but then be willing to let go of any regret, sadness, or guilt associated with it. Regret and guilt serve the purpose of bringing our attention to things that we need to change. Once we have acknowledged our need to change and we have embarked on our new path, regret and guilt only serve the purpose of slowing us down. They keep us from focusing on the present moment and distract us from taking action that will enhance our future. They mire us in fears that we are not capable of staying on course or teaching our desired goal.
Sadness and pain from the loss of something or someone we loved or from the loss we have seen others we love experience is a topic for a whole other article. But suffice it to say, for the purpose of this article that we must work toward acknowledging and honoring our pain as a means of promoting our healing. Holding on to our pain and incorporating into a lasting part of our identity, will only unnecessarily prolong our suffering. There is a future to be had and no matter how bleak the past or even the present may be, nothing will improve in the future by continuing to mourn the past or dread the future. The present is the only moment in which we can truly make a difference. It is actions in the present that ultimately determine our future. Therefore, anything that interferes with us being fully focused on doing our best in the present moment inevitably interferes with our future being the best it can be.
It seems to me that a lot of us spend far too much time worrying about the past and worrying that our future will either be like our past or be worse. We often spend our limited time and emotional resources consumed with thoughts of worse case scenarios, devising plans to prevent those scenarios from happening, and/or devising plans of how we would handle those worse case scenarios. By doing so, we are only failing to take advantage of the only sure thing we have in this life: the present. The actions we take in the present are the only true power we have over ensuring that our future will be the best that it can possibly be.
We have no real control over the details of our future, except through 1) the visions we create in the present about our future, and 2) the actions we take toward making those dreams a reality. I repeat: the present is the only dimension of time in which we truly have any power to make a difference. Our thoughts and actions in the present can help us and others learn and heal from the past as well as enhancing the possibilities of a better tomorrow.
So here is my New Year’s Challenge to all of you and to myself: let’s make a resolution to live more fully in the present. Let’s take action in the present that promotes growth and healing in the future. Let’s take action in the present that honors the past, acknowledges past pain and mistakes but does not anchor us there. Let our thoughts be of things we hope for, instead of things we fear. Let us relish in the joys and sweetness of the present. Let us take heart in knowing that any pain we are now experiencing will not always be with us.
Once the pain has served its purpose, and we have allowed ourselves to grieve whatever we may have lost, let’s let it go and be free of it. Let’s stop wasting our limited resources of time and energy clinging on to 1) negative feelings about our past not being what we wanted it to be, 2) worst case scenarios of what the future may hold, or 3) how we might prevent and/or deal with those worst case scenarios. Let’s just live each moment the best that we can. Let’s focus on what we can do in the present to contribute to reaching our desired destination and enjoying the journey along the way. Let’s make it a Happy New Year!
