How To Deal with Jealousy in a Relationship
Jealousy can be one of the biggest issues and tests in an intimate relationship. One person’s jealousy can put strain on a relationship, just as the other person’s reaction to the jealousy can cause further issues. These issues of jealousy often cause one or both partners to question the foundation of their relationship and seek counseling for jealousy issues.
What is Jealousy?
There are 3 common “definitions” or meanings for the word “Jealousy.”
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- “hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage” (ENVY)
- “intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness” / “disposed to suspect rivalry or unfaithfulness” (RELATIONSHIPS)
- “vigilant in guarding a possession” (SAFE IN ASSUMPTION / GUARD)
SOURCE: Merriam-Webster Definitions for The Word Jealous
What Does the Bible Say About Jealousy?
The bible speaks more on “Envy” than “Jealousy”, that is to say the first definition for the word jealousy. The bible calls “Envy” a mortal sin because it causes hostility and rivalry. Envy is considered a reaction a person has to another person’s possessions, family, or perceived advantages.
See Another: Resource on “Jealousy in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints”
Why is The Bible Important When Talking About Jealousy?
We mention the biblical definitions of jealousy and the 3 different definitions for a very good reason… there are 3 different types of jealousy and the circumstances around them differ greatly. When speaking about jealousy in a relationship, one must speak about the traditional views on monogamy, which are also rooted in biblical tradition.
Is There A Good Kind of Jealousy?
Merriam-Webster’s 3rd Definition for “Jealousy” is about as close to a “Good” kind of jealousy as you can get. This version of the word was much more common in past centuries, but can still be understood today by the quote by Scott Buchanan – “…new colonies were jealous of their new independence.”
The above quote give a “justification” for jealousy, and is more likened to the word “Prideful” — though, in the use of the word like this, a strong defense (of the possession / object of desire and jealousy) is implied.
Misunderstanding of the Definition of Jealousy Itself Causes Relationship Issues
Which of the 3 definitions do you think of when you hear the word “Jealousy?” This varies drastically between different people, and the most confusion lies between 1 person who believes their jealousy is “Good Jealousy” (Definition #3, prideful and ready to defend your possessions, family, object of jealousy), and another person who believes the jealousy to be more of definition 1 or 2 (not valiant, but envious or overly suspicious).
With this simple misunderstanding or miscommunication on how one defines their own (Jealous) actions, 2 people can quickly feel like they don’t understand each other.
Just Because One Person Believes Their (Jealous) Actions Are Valiant or Warranted, Does Not Mean They Truly Are
1 single person can also misunderstand their own jealousy, believing they are being noble, valiant, sticking up for the relationship and their partner, and still be acting out feelings of hostility and (bad) jealousy. Humans are complex emotional machines, with lots of quirks like this.
Insecurity and Jealousy
Jealousy that stems from your own insecurity or lack of self confidence is an example of the most negative forms of jealousy. The problem does not lie in your partner or perceived threats from others, but the problem lives inside you. Until you face the problem and fix it inside yourself, this type of jealousy is like a poison that will rot away at your own sanity and happiness until it ruins the relationship as well.
How to Overcome Insecurity and Jealousy
Insecurity can be overcome, and you can be confident and happy. At this point, jealousy issues seem to dissolve away, because they no longer matter. The only problem is that it is a problem that lives inside you and only you can take the steps to fix it. Many cannot get themselves going toward building their own confidents, and end up stuck in a rut. Working with a therapist can help you to build confidence and sort through the issues that accompany lack of confidence and insecurity.
Don’t Let an Impasse With Jealousy Ruin The Relationship
“Irreconcilable Differences” is the leading cause of divorce and relationships ending. It means that the two parties were simply not able to get over their differences or miscommunications, to the point where the relationship needs to be ended.
All too often, couples are eager to give-up and call something “Irreconcilable,” without seeking to understand more about why the problem exists or persists. Some problems NEED a counselor or relationship therapist to intervene and help to rectify. Jealousy issues are the perfect example of marital and relationship problems that require counseling.
Jealousy Treatment from Relationship Therapists
A relationship in the midst of jealousy problems is an urgent case for relationship therapists. Jealousy issues push couples quickly toward frustration and extreme pressures that put the relationship to the test.
It is important that couples — that truly want to save their relationship — seek help from a counselor or therapist for jealousy issues before it is too late.
Jealousy Issues and Relationship Counseling and The Arizona Relationship Institute (AZRI)
At AZRI, we employ therapists with a wide range of personal, educational, and professional backgrounds. Our caring therapists and staff are as diverse as those individuals, couples, and families who come to us and trust us for their counseling and therapy needs.
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