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Neurodivergent Meaning: What is Neurodivergence?

Neurodivergent Meaning - What is Neurodivergence - AZRI

What is Neurodiversity - Therapy for Neurodivergent People in Arizona - AZRI - The Arizona Relationship Institute

It has long been known that everyone’s brain functions differently. Artists, inventors, and thinkers are often praised for the way their minds work just as much as they are praised for the works they produce. The “great minds” of history are called-such because their minds worked differently than most, but in a way that was highly efficient and at unique perspectives. These types of thinkers are all “neurodivergent.”

What is Neurodiversity - AZRI - Neurodivergent Therapy - Therapy for Neurodiverse Patients

What is Neurodiversity?

Neurodiversity simply means that all brains are different. Like fingerprints, the connections, synapses (spaces), and networks of the brain are all unique to each person. No two people have brains that form and function in the exact same way; each person’s brain shows unique “diversity.”

The term “Neurodiversity” was first used by Sociologist Judy Singer in 1998. She, like many other sociologists and neuroscientists, wanted a term that could be used for individuals’ whose brains unction atypically (differently) than neurotypical brains. Each brain functions in its own way, but 80% of the populations brains function very similarly — or “neurotypically.”

What Does Neurodivergent Mean - Neurodivergent Therapy in Mesa Arizona - AZRI

What Does Neurodivergent Mean?

Neurodivergent is a person whose brain functions differently than the 80% majority of the “neurotypical” population. Simply put, neurodivergent peoples brains process information differently.

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Am I Neurodivergent?

Neurodivergent is an “umbrella term” for those whose brains function differently, and often there are no “symptoms” or characteristics that would make a person’s neurodivergence apparent. However, there are a number of medical conditions that affect the brain processes and inherently make a person neurodivergent.

Autism Autism-Spectrum Disorders and Neurodivergence - AZRI

Autism, Autism-Spectrum Disorders, and Neurodivergence

Autistic Children at all spectrum levels are neurodivergent, in-that their brains function differently than the 80% majority of “Neurotypicals.” Those with Autism-Spectrum disorder often suffer from less intense symptoms of autism, though their brains still function differently — placing them in the neurodivergent category.

Not all neurodivergents suffer from a medical condition or autism, but a high number of those with autism are neurodivergents. It is important to remember that neurodivergence is not a handicap or mental/physical malady, but simply a brain that functions differently than most.

Neurodivergence is on a spectrum, just like autism — and the spectrum goes from mild to severe. Some neurodivergents find little-to-no impact on their daily life, while others find that it causes great impact on their daily lives.

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ADD, ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder & Neurodivergence

Is ADHD Neurodivergent? Yes! ADD and ADHD are neurodevelopmental disorders (disorders that first appear during the development of the brain). These disorders lead to neurodivergence in ADD/ADHD sufferers — sometimes extreme neurodivergence, and other times the neurodivergence is very slight and not readily noticeable.

Again, there is nothing “wrong” or “problematic” with the way ADD/ADHD sufferers brains — they just function differently than what is considered “normal” by sociological “Standards.”

What Conditions are Included in Neurodiversity

What Conditions are Included in Neurodiversity?

There are a number of medical conditions that cause greater instances of neurodiversity, including:

    • Autism
    • Autism-Spectrum Disorder
    • Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)
    • Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD)
    • Bipolar Disorder (BPD)
    • Dyscalculia
    • Dyslexia
    • Dyspraxia
    • Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD)
    • Dysgraphia
    • Misophonia
    • Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
    • Prader-Willi Syndrome
    • Slow processing speed
    • Social Anxiety Disorder
    • Stammering
    • Tourette’s syndrome
    • Williams Syndrome

Is BPD Neurodivergent - AZRI

Is BPD Neurodivergent?

Experts don’t officially recognize Bipolar Disorder (BPD) as a neurodivergent condition, but many Bipolar Disorder sufferers are neurodivergent. Experts argue that too many BPD sufferers align more with neurotypicals versus neurodivergents for BPD itself to a neurodivergent condition.

However, that separation is typical of neurodiversity – the neurodiversity can be tied to a medical condition or not. Neurodiversity is its own condition separate from all other conditions, even though it often accompanies other conditions like autism at a higher rate.

Famous Neurodivergent People - Neurodivergent Examples

Neurodivergent Examples

Examples are the best way to communicate the complexities of some neurodivergence cases. Examples of famous neurodivergents examples to illustrate the point give a better understanding of the idea.

Famous Neurodivergent People

    • Animal Scientist: Temple Grandin 
    • Actor: Sir Anthony Hopkins
    • Artist: Vincent Van Gogh
    • Inventor: Nikola Tesla
    • Author: F. Scott Fitzgerald
    • Activist: Greta Thunberg
    • Scientist: Sir Isaac Newton
    • Director: Tim Burton
    • Scientist: Alan Turing
    • Artist: Michelangelo
    • Poet: William Butler Yeats
    • Author: Hans Christian Anderson
    • Founding Father: Thomas Jefferson
    • Comedian: Jerry Seinfeld
    • Founder of IKEA: Ingvar Kamprad
    • Poet: Emily Dickenson
    • Actor: Ryan Gosling
    • Actor: Dan Ackroyd
    • Actress: Liv Tyler
    • And: More…

Do Neurodivergents Face More Struggles Than Neurotypicals?

We live in a neurotypical society, with standards that are literally set in stone and steel. People are told and expected to act in a very certain way.  This works fine for the 80% majority of the population that is neurotypical, but can cause issues for those who are neurodivergent.

Social anxiety and awkwardness are only the minor struggles a neurodivergent may find when navigating the Neurotypical “real world.” School, work, and social functions seems to be where neurodivergents struggle the most — since these three institutions are all about “fitting in” to a predetermined criteria. While many neurodivergents overcome these obstacles or their neurodivergent minds find comfort working through the challenges, many others let themselves get overcome by the anxiety and challenges.

Nurturing Neurodivergent Children and Adults

It is so important to nurture neurodivergent minds all throughout life. Neurodivergent minds become the great thinkers of our generations, if nurtured properly. This means telling neurodivergents that their minds are precious gifts, not impairments, and encouraging them to follow their education, dreams, and goals.

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Therapy and Counseling for Neurodivergent Children and Adults

Therapy and counseling to help through mental health challenges, anxiety and depression is all about working through the processes of the mind. This is why it is critical that a neurodivergent’s therapist understands that he/she/they are neurodivergent and understands how to treat someone a neurodivergent mind.

Therapy For Neurodivergents in Arizona

The Arizona Relationship Institute and our therapists have a deep understanding of diversity in people and their minds. We are neurodiversity-informed and can treat adults, children, and families with both neurotypical and neurodivergent minds.

 

How To Rebuild Trust in a Relationship

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After you have lost trust in a person, it is difficult to regain trust. You will likely lose trust in both the person  and in other people. You may even second guess yourself or question everything you believe.  So how do you get over betrayal, loss of trust, and trust issues?

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Tips for Re-Building Trust

You have to trust that the ground will stay under you while you walk, otherwise you will die where you are sitting. You cannot live without trusting in various certainties to the world around you. The number 1 key to rebuilding trust is to slowly allow yourself to be more vulnerable to trusting in others.

Actions That Cause A Loss Of Trust in Another Person

Actions That Cause A Loss Of Trust in Another Person

It is important to start with a list of common actions that cause hurt and distrust in others. Many people plead ignorance when confronted with their actions that have hurt others, so it is important to establish these actions as hurtful and will likely cause distrust in relationships both intimate and platonic.

Lying – Lying is the biggest action that causes a loss of trust, because a lie is taking advantage of trust. White lies can also cause a loss of trust because it gives a person a reason to second guess another’s actions, intent, and the information relayed.

Withholding the Truth — Purposefully withholding the truth, or not telling a person certain things can also cause a person to lose trust just like a lie. The intent to disinform, or misinform causes the same feelings of betrayal as lies do. Even if you are lying or withholding information in an attempt to shield a person or protect them, the betrayal of the lie or withholding the truth is painful and causes a loss of trust.

Cheating — Both friends and lovers can feel “cheated-on” by other people.

Platonic Infidelity – Friends can feel a loss of trust in another friend from “cheating” behaviors such as:

        • Not being included in certain groups  – (not being invite when other friends are around – even when trying to protect a person or “keep peace,” the omission / lack of invitation can be seen as “cheating” or platonic infidelity.)
        • Acting Different in Certain Groups – If someone treats you differently depending on the other people that are around, this can be hurtful and cause a loss of trust for what a person says or how they act in all situations.
        • Betraying Trust / Secrecy — Telling other people secrets that were told in confidence can cause a person to lose trust.
        • Taking Another Person’s Side in Personal Criticism — often, friends will feel a hurt or loss of trust when being criticized by a 3rd person and the friend agrees or takes the 3P’ side.

Sexual and Romantic Infidelity – this is the common form of infidelity most are familiar-with. Cheating can be flirting, kissing, hugging, engaging in intimate conversations, fantasizing about cheating, sexual activity, and other intimate acts.

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Re-Building Trust After Lying

Depending on the lie-told, the seriousness of trust issues can vary. Assuming the lie was a very serious, large, earth-shattering lie, rebuilding trust in others depends on the severity of the trauma caused on the psyche of the person with lost trust.

The Trauma of Being Lied-To

Trauma is the root cause of a number of mental health conditions, including depression, anxiety, and betrayal. Betraying a person’s trust can cause a number of traumatic symptoms, the most common is a adopting a mistrust of others. In order to maintain a healthy social psyche, an individual must get over trust issues that negatively impact their day-to-day life.

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Survivor Mentality for Overcoming Betrayal

We get over betrayal because we “have-to!” it is a fact of life, and something that must be overcome if we are to survive in our world. How long it takes a person to overcome that betrayal is the one factor that is on a sliding scale, though. A person can suffer with mistrust and distrust issues for years before finally getting-over trust issues, or succumbing to a number of dangers that away a person who cannot trust others.

Getting Over Cheating and Betrayal - Sex Therapists in Arizona - AZRI - The Arizona Relationship Institute

Getting Over Cheating and Betrayal

Again, we overcome cheating and betrayal, because we need-to. Living in a lonely world where you cannot trust others or let another person be intimate with you is miserable. In order to love and be loved by another person, you have to open-up to that person, allow them into your life fully, and trust that person.

Yes, you could be opening yourself-up to the hurt and betrayal again if the person you let-in betrays you. But, there is no love without vulnerability.

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Learning To Be Vulnerable After Trust Issues

Learning how to be vulnerable after trauma, betrayal, and loss of trust is an uphill battle, but that is why therapists employ a number of therapy types (CBT, DBT, EMDR, etc.) to break-down the natural self defense mechanisms the damaged mind puts-up.

Working with a therapist can help you to strengthen your own mind, soul, and psyche — removing anxiety, fears, and self esteem issues that hold you back in your thoughts and actions. A therapist builds your mind into that of a fighter, who doesn’t shy away from a mental play-fight that lovers and friends often engage-in. With a renewed confidence and positive attitude,  those with trust issues are eager to work at regaining trust in people and in love and in human caring.

Sexual Trauma Therapists at The Arizona Relationship Institute Mesa Arizona

Cheating and Betrayal Therapy in Arizona

Our therapists at The Arizona Relationship Institute work with many individuals and couples that have experienced cheating, infidelity and betrayal. Not only have our therapists successfully helped those who have been betrayed to trust others again, but our couples therapy for infidelity sessions have helped serial cheaters and those who have betrayed their partner understand the hurt they have caused and reverse their behaviors.

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Couples Therapy in Arizona

If you and your partner have experienced past infidelity and are looking to re-build trust and strengthen your relationship, we suggest signing up for our FREE 15 Minute Consultation. The consultation will familiarize you with our therapy standards, and whether we may be able to help your relationship.

Using Couples Therapy as a Marriage Coach

Using Couples Therapy as a Marriage Coach - The Arizona Relationship Institute - AZRI

 

Too many couples wait until it is too late to seek help with their relationship problems. Like any problem; the longer you ignore the problem the worse it becomes, and the harder it is to fix it. The best relationship advice a therapist can give is to work on the little problems and solve them together, before those little issues grow into bigger, unreconcilable differences.

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When is the Best Time to Seek Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling?

At the earliest signs that there is an issue. When your opinion of your relationship goes from a positive view to a negative one, this is the point where a person can get mentally disillusioned. At this point it is important to ensure that both individuals are engaged in the relationships and committed to growing the relationships together.

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Is it too early in the relationship to suggest couples therapy and counseling?

No, it is never too early. Yes, many couples wait until the problems become too big to ignore to seek couples therapy; but most couples take a proactive approach to their relationships and try to strengthen and grow their relationship from the early stages.

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Couples Therapy to Strengthen and Grow Relationships

AZRI offers Couples Therapy to Strengthen and Grow Relationships because this is the best way to build a relationship that can withstand the test of time, and not crumble under the weight of any future marital or relationship problems.

You cannot foretell what future weather disasters are going to happen where you live, so you build a strong home to withstand fire, flood, winds, and other problems that are out of your control. This is exactly how you should also build your relationship.

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How to Build a Relationship

First, you must be ready and committed to building your relationship and doing the work that it takes to strengthen the bonds between you and your partner. Building a relationship is much like building muscle by exercise. You must strengthen the small, individual strands that make up the muscle mass – this means strengthening the small bonds between you and your partner.

Accept Small Relationship Challenges

Exercise is a test, and so are the exercises that test the bonds of relationships. Challenge yourself and your partner to endure the tougher aspects of the relationships.

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Relationship Tests

Meeting Family — Are you nervous about meeting each others parents? Don’t avoid the test, embrace it and see it as a wonderful exercise to test your bonds. Dive into the situation together as a couple; face the challenges that come from first meetings and introductions and strive to get through the challenge as best as you (both) can as a couple.

Explore Each Others Interests — you and your partner are not going to be into the same things; you will each have your own hobbies, likes, dislikes, and activities. This is a point where weak individuals can let their partners differences get to them, or where a schism between your personalities can occur. Even if you don’t particularly like or share an interest-in your partner’s likes and hobbies, you should respect their interests and learn how to allow your partner their own personal “things” (likes, hobbies, goals, etc.)

If you and your partner’s differences in interests cause you strife or are too much to get over,” then you have just discovered a “weak point” in the relationship. This weak point can either be dealt with and fixed early in the relationship; or. if allowed to linger, it can eventually be a failure point — causing the relationship to crumble later.

Overcoming Time Apart from Your Partner — some people let their negative feelings and thoughts overcome them, when they are “alone” or without their partner for extended periods of time. Your partner is your “rock” and your support system, but it is a great test of your relationship to see how you function apart for a short period of time. Distance should make the heart grow fonder, and the time apart should strengthen your bonds.

If the time apart brings you to desire other things (goals, qualities from your partner, experiences), then this is a great point where you can together decide whether the relationship can survive these desires for change. Again, this test can discover a weak point in the relationship that can either 1.) be repaired, or 2.) cause both partners to re-evaluate their long term goals for the relationship.

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Marriage Coaching for Relationship Tests

A coach is simply someone who brings out the best in you and your actions. A Marriage coach is someone whose input and insight will help you and your partner to engage in relationship tests to bring out the best in you as a couple and in your relationship actions.

Marriage coaches can help in two ways: A.) Proactive Marital Coaching, and B.) Remedial Marital Coaching.

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Proactive Marital Coaching

A Proactive Marital Coach works on a healthy relationship, before any major relationship problems arise, with the goal of strengthening and making the relationship bonds better.

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Remedial Marital Coaching

A Remedial Marital Coach works on a relationship that is in trouble, where major relationship problems are arising, and with the coal of saving the relationship from ending.

Proactive marriage coaches can help to relieve issues between partners that may eventually evolve into relationship-ending issues. These proactive marriage coaches also help to keep the relationship in a healthy state by challenging the couples with healthy relationship tests whenever the relationship gets “stale” or if the stability of the relationship begins to waver.

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Finding Arizona Marriage Coaches

All of our Couples Therapists at AZRI are well-versed in the practices of marriage coaching. It is the overall goal for a couples therapist to strengthen all relationships — even during “Discernment Therapy” where the goal is to END a relationship on “Good Terms.” Our Arizona Marriage Coaches and Couples Therapists can help couples to sort through the noise in a relationship and discover the true underlying problems . Together with your Marriage Coach, couples either strengthen their relationships and become committed to saving the marriage, or will prove that their problems are truly irreconcilable.

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What Are The Different Types of Sex Addictions?

What Are The Different Types of Sex Addictions - AZRI - Arizona Relationship Institute Mesa Gilbert JPG

 

When discussing sex addiction, therapists look to find the source of the compulsion for sex. Why is a sex addict so compelled to seek pleasure in sex that he or she is willing to engage in unhealthy or dangerous behaviors. Therapists often find that both males and females with sex addictions fall into 6 categories or types of sex addicts.

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What Are The Different Types of Sex Addictions?

Biological Sex Addicts

This type of sex addict is naturally-born with a biologic component that causes the sex addiction. It is important to note that zero psychological or sexual trauma has occurred in these individuals. This category includes those who have neuro-conditioned themselves steadily into the state of sex addiction.

Abuse and Neglect Sex Addicts

Abandonment, abuse, and neglect issues from past experiences form the basis of these types of sex addicts, and it is the most common type of sex addict. Therapists estimate that 80% of sex addicts have had some form of  abuse or neglect in their past that causes the root basis of their sex addiction.

Spiritual Sex Addicts

These types of sex addicts are looking for spirituality through sex. We all have a spiritual appetite that needs to be sated from time to time (church, getting outdoors, philosophical journeys, sabbaticals, truth-seeking, mind-expansion, spiritual awakenings, etc.)

A Spiritual Sex Addict is “looking for a spiritual connection in all the wrong places.” This type of sex addict may also be more attracted to trying to connect with another spirit sexually, even for a moment.

Trauma-Based Sex Addicts

Males and females who have experienced sexual trauma as a child or adolescent usually display behavior typical of Trauma-Based Sex Addicts. Whatever the sexual trauma situation that occurred in the past, the addict tends to fantasize about this or seek to reenact the traumatic situations.

Intimacy Sex Addicts

Intimacy Sex Addicts can fall into two groups:

Intimacy Sex Addicts – who are seeking intimacy through free patterns of sex or dangerous sexual behaviors.

Intimacy Anorexia Sex Addicts – A term coined by Dr Doug Weiss, “Intimacy Anorexia” refers to a person who has chosen to withhold intimacy from a partner.  This type of person may completely withhold sex from their spouse or proper partner, while cheating and displaying free patterns of sex or dangerous sexual behaviors with others.

Mood Disorder Sex Addicts

An existing mental health condition of a mood disorder can cause a person to self-medicate with sex. Sex creates a powerful release of endorphins and other “Feel good” chemicals in the brain. A person can try to self medicate themselves or “feel better” with sex — even if only for a few moments at a time.

Can You Get Addicted to Sex - Sex Therapists in Arizona - AZRI - The Arizona Relationship Institute

Can You Get Addicted to Sex, Like a Drug?

Yes. Those with opioid use disorder, alcohol use disorder, and other substance abuse disorders are simply using other substances to trigger the euphoric chemical releases in the brain. You are just using different stimuli each time to produce a similar effect.

Chemical dependency, however, is different than sex addiction. A chemical dependency is when a drug or alcohol has been used for so long, the body cannot function normally without it. A sex addiction is purely a psychological addiction, even though a sex addict can show signs of “Withdrawal” (hormonal imbalance) if abruptly quitting sex after frequent ejaculation, orgasm, and “release.”

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Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder

Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD) is a term that many psychologists and medical professionals use to describe many of the forms of sex addiction.

What Are The Symptoms of Sex Addiction?

Loss of Control : The first word: “Compulsive ” is key — it infers a complete “loss of control.” This loss of control or no control over your sexual desires and behavior is what sets sex addiction apart from just hypersexuality and mild preoccupation with sex.

Extreme Preoccupation with Sex: The second point that defines CSBD is that the preoccupation with sex is “extreme” or intense, inferring that it is disruptive. If the preoccupation with sex is enough to disrupt one’s daily life, this sets it apart as sex addiction rather than just mild hypersexuality.

Compulsive & Impulsive Sexual Behavior:  Impulsive sexual behaviors you “jump into without really thinking about it.” Compulsive sexual behaviors recur in patterns, like repetitive sexual behaviors in cycles. The cycles can even include periods of abstinence with feelings of shame or regret, before the patters starts over again.

Dangerous Sexual Behavior and Negative Consequences: The most important point that defines a sex addiction is engaging in dangerous sexual behaviors that hold negative consequences, but the compulsion or impulsion to engage is too strong to resist. There are too many negative consequences that can come from these risky behaviors to name them all  (STDs, Getting involved with dangerous people, putting yourself in dangerous situations, etc.).

Do I need Sex Addiction Therapy - Sex Addiction Quiz Questionnaire Test - AZRI

Do I Need Sex Addiction Therapy?

This is a tough question to ask ourselves, but we need to be honest with ourselves when asking it, because it will decide your fate. Ask yourself these questions honestly to see if you need a sex addiction test:

Am I Okay With My Sexual Identity? You should easily answer yes. A yes quick yes answer shows confidence and a lack of shame. If thinking about your sexual identity causes confusion, negative thoughts or emotions, shame, sadness, depression, regret, or other negative feelings, then there may be deeper issues you should explore with your therapist.

Have I Ever Experienced Negative Life Consequences from Sex? Any negative experience is going to leave a mark on your psyche for long time unless it is dealt with and overcome. A yes answer on this question does not necessarily mean you need sex therapy or have a sex addiction, but these negative experiences in the past can often lead to negative views on sex and negative patterns of  sexual  behavior later in life.

Have I Ever Experienced a Traumatic Sexual Experience? Yes, this includes past sexual abuse, but it goes deeper than that. Body shaming, awkward sexual encounters, “slut-shaming”, being called a “prude”, sexual gossip about you, online bullying and harassment: all of these can be considered traumatic past experiences of a sexual nature, and can have profound impact on your identity and mental health. Again, a yes answer does not necessarily signify a serious problem, but should be considered in your overall sexual-mental health.

Sex Addiction Quiz - AZRI - The Arizona Relationship Institute - Sex Therapists

Sex Addiction Quiz

Below are questions that are based on the Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST) and can help you and your sex addiction therapist determine the need for sex addiction therapy.

      1. Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts? [Preoccupied]
      2. Do you hide some of your sexual behavior from others? [Ashamed]
      3. Have you ever sought help for sexual behavior you did not like? [Treatment]
      4. Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behavior? [Hurt others]
      5. Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire?
        [Out of control]
      6. When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?
        [Sad]

Answering “Yes” to 3 or more of these questions is a standard concern for sex addiction. However, in our opinion, if you answered yes to even 1 or more of these questions there is a legitimate therapeutic concern. It is important to ensure that any adverse past experience that could lead to sex addiction be a “closed case,” that no longer concerns you in your day-to-day life.

Sex Addiction Therapy in Arizona - AZRI - The Arizona Relationship Institute

Sex Addiction Therapy in Arizona

If the world was becoming hypersexualized in the 1970s, its current state should be considered “terminally hypersexualized” in 2024. An extinction-level sexualization of every aspect of life has taken place and many are confused as to what constitutes normal, healthy sexual behavior anymore.

If ever there was a need for sex therapy, it is in 2024. Pornography addiction and extreme sexual behaviors are very prevalent today. Addiction to masturbation is also a big concern and can cause intimacy issues and issues with your partner. With this many stimuli out there for triggering sex addiction, no one should feel ashamed for wanting to therapeutically address your thoughts and behaviors.

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What Is Bilateral Stimulation?

What Is Bilateral Stimulation - AZRI

 

EMDR Therapy is a very effective psychotherapy technique that helps deal with distressing thoughts and traumatic memories via rhythmic eye movements. These movements are a form of bilateral stimulation.

Bilateral Stimulation Dots

What Is Bilateral Stimulation?

Bilateral stimulation is simply an alternating sound, sight, or feeling that you experience.

    • Bilateral stimulation – SOUND: An example of a sound bilateral stimulation would be snapping your fingers next to your ears, alternately left hand/ear, then right hand/ear. Do this over and over again.
    • Bilateral stimulation – SIGHT: An example of a sight bilateral stimulation would be a light pen being run back and forth from left to right in front of your eyes like a doctor does to check your pupils.
    • Bilateral stimulation – Feeling: An example of a feeling bilateral stimulation would be crossing your arms across your chest and tapping your shoulders: right hand/left shoulder, then left hand/right shoulder alternately. Do this over and over again.

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What Is EMDR Therapy?

By moving your eyes in a certain rhythmic pattern and focusing on traumatic memories or thoughts, the brain is re-trained or “re-processed” to associate more positive emotions with the stimuli. EMDR and Bilateral Stimulation both can help individuals and therapists to deal with a wide variety of mental health concerns. EMDR usually uses a visual form of bilateral stimulation.

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EMDR in Arizona

The Arizona Relationship Institute Staff is fluent in a number of psychotherapy techniques including bilateral stimulation, tapping, and EMDR Therapy.

Learn More About EMDR Therapy at AZRI >>

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Bilateral Tapping for Anxiety

A very basic form of bilateral stimulation is “tapping,” and is used by many therapists and counselors alike. Bilateral tapping is a mind-body technique that utilizes tapping at meridian points on the body.

Bilateral Tapping Points - JPG

Bilateral Tapping Points
      • The side of your hand, just below your little finger (Karate Chop Point)
      • The top of your head (Brow Point)
      • The inside of your eye (Inner Eye Point)
      • Under your eye (Under Eye Point)
      • Beside your nose (Side of Nose Point)
      •  Under your chin (Chin Point)
      •  The center of your chest (Chest Point)
      • The side of your hand, just below your little finger (Karate Chop Point)

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Bilateral Stimulation and EMDR Success Rates

The success rates of bilateral stimulation and EMDR for cognition and desensitization are clearly evident in recent studies to find out the exact mechanism of therapy.

Image Source:  National Institute of Health (NIH) / National Library of Medicine

Tension, anxiety, depression, feelings of dejection, anger, hostility, fatigue, inertia, confusion, and bewilderment can all be desensitized using bilateral stimulation and EMDR therapy.

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Reducing Anxiety with Bilateral Stimulation and EMDR Therapy

EMDR and Bilateral Stimulation both work wonders in working-through traumatic experiences and PTSD, but it also can be very helpful in treating anxiety, stress and panic.

Many anxiety sufferers familiar with  bilateral stimulation and tapping can perform this stimulation on themselves in times of panic or stress. Just like counting when your mad, tapping and bilateral stimulation can unwind your emotions and “cool you off” emotionally (Desensitization) enough to get comfortably through the situation.

Bilateral Stimulation is the base mechanism used in EMDR Therapy. Therapists use and teach the skills of bilateral stimulation in EMDR therapy sessions. Bilateral stimulations and EMDR can be used to help a number of therapeutic concerns including: trauma, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Grief, Anxiety, Panic Disorders, Mood Disorders, Depression and a range of other mental health concerns.

EMDR For Grief Therapy

Yes, EMDR can help reduce your sensitivity to stressors that cause depression, but it can also be helpful in treating grief.  Not just the depression stages of grief, but all stages of grief:

    • Denial
    • Anger
    • Bargaining
    • Depression
    • Acceptance

Getting through the emotions of anger, bargaining, acceptance, and denial can also be aided with bilateral stimulation and EMDR Therapy. EMDR Grief Therapy helps to reduce your sensitivity to the thoughts and emotions surrounding loss that cause the negative symptoms of grief.

When you are suffering the loss of a loved one or any other deep personal loss, the symptoms of grief can show up without warning. Maybe it is a picture of a lost pet that triggers grief-depression; or, maybe seeing a friend’s life successes reminds you of your own past mistakes and chances never taken, sparking anger. These critical times when grief strikes is an opportunity to use the skills learned in EMDR to desensitize yourself to these negative stimuli, and overcome your bouts of grief.

Grief Therapists in Mesa Arizona

What To Expect From Bilateral Stimulation & EMDR Therapy

You can expect a deeper insight into how your mind and emotions work, when starting EMDR Therapy. You will begin to learn the skills that therapists use to analyze behavior and your thought processes. You too will begin to see the processes of your mind unfold — you will see how triggers can stimulate you in a positive or a negative manner, and your reaction to these plays a big part in your mood, your happiness, or your sadness/anxiety.

The video above shows 1 hour of continuous Bilateral Stimulation. A bilateral beat, or a visual stimulation like this will be shown to you while you think about certain thoughts, emotions, memories, and images. The combination of your mind viewing the bilateral stimulation + your mind processing the thoughts and memories leads to a “desensitization” of these thoughts and memories.

In short, you practice dealing with the triggers of depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues, and over time you become de-sensitized to the triggers. They no longer evoke such a deep and profound (negative) response in you. Likewise, your brain can be trained to respond in only positive manners to stimuli that would otherwise cause a negative response.

Associating a positive memory with an otherwise sad photo can completely change the emotions that unfold in you after seeing this visual stimulus.

How to Start EMDR Therapy and Bilateral Stimulation in Arizona

The Arizona Relationship Institute and our therapists are well-versed in EMDR Therapy and Bilateral Stimulation. We use this form of therapy (in addition to CBT Therapy, EFT Therapy, and a myriad of other therapies) in our individual, couples, and group therapy sessions. If you are interested in learning more about EMDR for your concerns, or would like to start with a FREE 15 Minute Consultation, contact AZRI Today!

 

 

Therapy + Integrated Care for Chronic Illness

Therapy Plus Integrated Care for Chronic Illness in Arizona - AZRI

 

Chronic Illness is extremely common in the United States, with 60% of adults having at least 1 chronic disease, and 40% of adults have 2 or more chronic diseases. It is so important to not only treat the medical and physical health symptoms of chronic illness, but also to treat the mental aspects of living with chronic illness.

What is Chronic Illness - Therapy for Chronic Illness in Arizona - AZRI

What is Chronic Illness?

Chronic Illnesses are defined as having 3 major traits:

      • Chronic Illnesses Last More Than 1 Year
      • Chronic Illnesses Require Ongoing Medical Care
      • Chronic Illnesses Limit Activities of Daily Life

Common chronic illnesses include: heart disease, stroke, cancer, diabetes, ALS, Alzheimer’s and dementia, arthritis, inflammatory bowel diseases, bone diseases and diseases related to smoking, alcohol, and/or drug use.

Therapy For Chronic Illness Sufferers

Therapy For Chronic Illness Sufferers

Everyone needs therapy from time to time; when dealing with stressful times in life, major life changes, and for simply getting through life more efficiently. Those suffering from chronic illness also take a lot of mental stress alongside the symptoms of and care of their physical health concerns.  These stresses are best mitigated with the help of a therapist.

Therapy for Terminal Illness Sufferers in Arizona - AZRI

Therapy for Terminal Illness Sufferers

When you or a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal disease it causes a wide range of emotions including shock, disbelief, anger, and other negative thoughts and feelings. “Anticipatory Grief” is when someone starts suffering the stages of grief BEFORE a person has passed away. Both a person diagnosed with a terminal disease, and the friends and family of a terminal patient can suffer from anticipatory grief.

Grief Therapy and Therapy for Terminal Illness in Mesa Arizona - AZRI

How Do You Deal With a Loved One With Terminal Cancer or Disease?

It is the hardest thing a person can go through, knowing a loved one is going to die, and there is nothing you can do about it. It is a heavy burden to bear, and no one should go through that grief alone. Anticipatory grief should be worked through with a grief therapist.

It is important to work through your thoughts and feelings as you experience them (while a loved one is dying from a chronic illness), instead of keeping them bottled up to be dealt with later — which is actually an impulsive self-defense mechanism. Bottling up your grief until later only leads to more issues with regret, self blame, survivor guilt, and other negative retrospective issues.

Grief Therapists in Mesa Arizona

Therapy for Diabetics

Therapy for diabetes sufferers is extremely important because of the major lifestyle impact that diabetes has as a chronic illness. Diabetes is an illness that is with you always, and affects every minor detail of your life. It is important for diabetics to share their struggles, achievements and stressors with a one-one-one therapist or within group therapy for diabetics. Therapy also helps diabetes sufferers to adhere to their testing schedules and a healthy diet.

Therapy for Chronic Oral Health and Teeth Issues in Arizona - AZRI

Therapy for Chronic Oral Health & Teeth Issues

Teeth and oral health are always considered a separate category of health from your body and brain health — in terms of practice, insurance, and focuses. But just as chronic health issues can effect mental health, so can chronic oral health issues affect mental health.

A person who suffers months or even years of chronic tooth pain can also be dealing with depression, anxiety, poor self esteem, substance abuse issues, and other negative side effects that are often overlooked. It is extremely important that tooth pain and oral health issue sufferers know they have access to mental health counseling and therapy for concerns.

Quite often, a person with bad teeth, tooth, pain or oral health issues may feel very embarrassed or ashamed of their condition. This can be very detrimental to self esteem and overall mental health. It is so critical to nurture a person with therapy, and keep them going while they deal with the dental side of healing.

Therapy For Unexplained Chronic Illnesses

Quite often, doctors cannot give a diagnosis for a person’s chronic illness – either because the illness is rare and cannot be named; or because doctors do not believe that there is a disease present, believing rather that the symptoms are “somatic,” or “all in their head.”

The later can be a frustrating experience for chronic illness sufferers, especially if multiple doctors and specialists cannot find a root cause for the chronic illness symptoms. At The Arizona Relationship Institute, we treat cases of Chronic Unexplained Illness twofold: 

      1. Our Integrated Doctors and Nurse Practitioners Begin Diagnostic Work to Try and Diagnose a Known Illness or Reason for the Symptoms
        • Allergists test for allergies, hay fever, asthma, etc.
        • Nutritionists check diet and health to rule out eating disorders, malnutrition, and vitamin deficiencies.
        • Our integrated pain, chiropractic specialists, and clinical massage therapists diagnose or rule-out bone, muscle, and nerve damage or diseases.
        • Integrated Team of Doctors specializing in Medication and Clinical Needs rule out medications causing side effects, drug and alcohol use (both present and past use), and medication interactions/accidental poisonings, etc.
      2. Our Therapists tackle the mental side of diagnostics. Their skills with diagnosing the root causes of mental health concerns can also lead doctors and clinicians to find previously missed symptoms. Therapists can help connect dots between mental and physical symptoms to draw a clearer picture of what the chronic illness actually is.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy CBT in Arizona - AZRI

How To Get Started With Therapy For Chronic Illness

To get started on your own unique plan for therapy, you simply start your Free 15 Minute Consultation with The Arizona Relationship Institute in Mesa, AZ. We have a number of therapists, associate therapists, and student interns that can meet a wide range of therapy needs.  Call or Contact Us Today!

Therapy and Doctor for Sexual Pain and Discomfort

Therapist and Doctor for Pain and Discomfort During Sex - Sexual Pain Doctor

 

Many young men and women are confused or scared about pain during or after sex, and are not sure what to do. We wanted to make sure that everyone has the basic information on what to do if you have problems with pain or discomfort during or after sexual intercourse.

Doctor For Sex Pain and Discomfort in Mesa Arizona - AZRI

Sex Pain and Discomfort Doctors

First, it is important to rule-out any Sexually Transmitted Diseases as the root cause of the pain and discomfort. Your doctor or general physician can perform an STD test, or you can obtain information on local STD testing services from your local government services. For STD testing in Mesa, Arizona, you can check the Maricopa County STD Testing Information.

For our guests of AZRI, we can help you with our integrated nurses and physicians as referrals for and medical needs.

Sex Therapy for Pain and Discomfort During or After Sex - AZRI

Finding the Root Causes of Sexual Pain & Discomfort

Once you can rule-out any communicable diseases as the cause of sex pain, it is important to also ensure that there are no physical issues with the sexual organs, pelvis, and muscles surrounding the pelvic area. Quite often your doctor may find that the pain and discomfort during or after sex is related to a completely different medical condition like herniated vertebrae in the back, pressure on the spine, herniated intestines, or undiagnosed infections.

Sex Therapy and Doctors for Sex Pain & Discomfort in Mesa

Types of Sexual Pain and Discomfort During Sex

Pain during sex is called: dyspareunia. It is more common in females (female dyspareunia), though men also can experience pain and/or discomfort during sex (male dyspareunia).

Best Sex Therapists - AZRI - Arizona Relationship Institute

Psychosomatic Pain & Discomfort During Sex

If your doctor cannot find any medical reason for pain and discomfort during sex, they may consider that the pain is “psychosomatic,” or the physical symptom of a mental issue. This is where it is important for your doctor and a sex therapist to work together on the problem

Integrated Doctors and Therapists in Mesa Arizona - AZRI 2

Sex Therapy and Doctors for Sex Pain & Discomfort in Mesa, AZ

At the Arizona Relationship Institute (AZRI), we specialize in cases of psychosomatic pain and discomfort during sex. Our therapists work with you to find the root causes of the pain and discomfort and help you to find intimacy, love and pleasure in sexual intercourse with your partner.

Best Sex Therapists - AZRI - Arizona Relationship Institute 2

Sex Pain Therapy for Men in AZ

Arizona Relationship Institute (AZRI) can help men experience pain and discomfort during sex, as well as counsel the couples on overcoming the issues in the meantime. Pain on Ejaculation may be caused by the prostate gland and Chronic Protasis. Peyronie’s Disease (Curved Penis) or the general shape of the penis can cause pain in both men and women. Phimosis, is a condition where the foreskin of the penis is too tight, and this too can cause pain and discomfort in women.

Mismatched Desire and Mismatched Sexual Libido Between Couples - Arizona Sex Therapists

Therapy for Sex Pain and Discomfort Caused by Sexual Positions

Often, it is the positions used during sex that cause the pain and discomfort. For couples experiencing pain during sex, your therapist may encourage the exploration of different positions. If other positions cause less pain or no pain  at all, it can help point out any physical issues causing the pain.

Allergic Reactions During Sex - Sex Therapy and Allergy Testing

Allergic Reactions During Sex

Allergic reactions can occur during sex — either from prophylactics and lubricants that are being used during sex, or other foreign matter such as soaps, body washes or other chemicals on the body. Pain during oral sex and allergic reactions from oral sex may also occur. It is important for you and your therapist to find the root causes of the pain, so they will want to rule-out any allergies.

We have an integrated allergist to help with any allergy testing needs at Arizona Relationship Institute. Get Therapy and an Allergist with our integrated team. Allergy Testing provided by Family Allergy Clinic and Wellness Center in Mesa, AZ.

Allergy Testing for Allergic Reactions During Sex

Painful Orgasm and Learning How to Have Healthy Orgasms

Have you ever fought-back against a sneeze and you sneezed anyway and it was painful? This same situation can also happen with both male and female orgasms. Men and women need to allow their orgasms to progress from start to finish in an uninterrupted and health flow.

Negative thoughts, emotions, and actions during orgasm can impede a healthy orgasm and actually leave you with a painful orgasm. A Sex Therapist for Sex Pain and Discomfort will help you to learn the importance of healthy orgasmic processes and ensure that you are allowing yourself to orgasm and ejaculate completely and healthily.

Help for Pain and Discomfort During Sex - AZRI

Male and Female Genitalia Come in All Shapes and Sizes

Penises and vaginas are all different shapes, and erogenous zones shift around on different people. What one person finds pleasurable, another might find painful. Some penises have foreskin, and others do not. Some women have a smaller clitoris than others, and some women only feel pleasure in the clitoris while others are vaginally-stimulated and may find clitoral contact painful.

So how do you know what is the correct action or spot down there? Talking! Talk is the backbone of healthy sex, but is often missed-out on by less open couples. You need to have an openness to communicate and listen, but also you need to be open to changes and trying new things. Listening and responding to the needs of your partner is also important.

Polyvagal Theory Couples Counseling in Mesa Arizona - AZRI

Having A Healthy Discussion About Pain During Sex

It is important for couples to be comfortable with each other and comfortable in talking to each other about pain during sex. A sex therapist should be involved if the couple is having issues with communication or openness about the problem.

Arizona Sex Therapists at AZRI are often needed to “break the ice” and open the topic for conversation between couples. Shyness about the problem or simply not knowing how to bring it up can keep couples from even mentioning the issue, let alone fixing it. Sex therapists provide couples with a safe, comfortable, and professional environment in-which they can open-up and tackle the issues.

Desire Discrepancy Couples Counseling in Arizona - AZRI

Sex Therapy for Going from Okay Sex to Great Sex

Sex therapists can not only help couples to move from painful and uncomfortable sex to pleasurable sex, they can also help couples move from mediocre sex to great sex. Just like it is important to be open and communicate about serious sexual issues like pain and discomfort, it is important for you to communicate to your partner when you are looking for even more out of your sexuality.

Great sex is memorable, and connects you and your partner at a deeper level. Sex therapists can help you to ask the right questions, and take the right steps to move from sex that leaves you contented to sex that leaves you amazed.

Sex Therapy in Arizona

Sex Therapists for All A Couple’s Intimacy Problems

At AZRI, we are world-premier sex therapists — utilizing the EFT Sex Therapy approach pioneered by our founder Doctor Lisa Gold. What sets us apart from other sex therapists is an attention to the “intimacy” between couples. This intimacy is a powerful blend of love, sexuality, and caring, emotional connections.

Schedule Your FREE Consultation for Sex Therapy with AZRI!

Overcoming The Trauma of Infidelity And Betrayal

 

Anyone who has been cheated-on knows the deep pain that infidelity causes. Cheating is a betrayal that cuts deep and scars a person mentally and emotionally for years. In 2024, we now know the importance of treating trauma and traumatic experiences in order to keep positive mental health. We also know that betrayal and trauma caused by cheating and infidelity is extremely important to treat, as it can spiral into worsening emotional and mental problems if left untreated.

Therapy for Cheating Spouse in Mesa Arizona - AZRI 2

Cheating: The Ultimate Betrayal

Some individuals (both men and women) can take a nonchalant look at cheating, considering it “not a big deal” or a part of their own open sexuality. But even in open sexual relationships, feelings can get hurt, messages can get mixed, and people develop a feeling of betrayal.

Some serial-cheaters themselves are deeply racked with their own feelings of betrayal, and sub-consciously or consciously tie their own infidelities with negative feelings of resentment, remorse, and regret.

How to deal with jealousy issues - AZRI

Overcoming Soft Infidelity

So-called “soft infidelity” is a rising trend in the social media age. Men and women alike can put way too much personal info or intimate images out onto Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, and other platforms. Jealousy issues from Instagram and Social Media can arise between couples leaving 1 or both partners feeling betrayed.

In an over-sexualized society like we have today, many social media influencers, artists, models, and content producers may feel pressured to sexualize themselves more in their art, photos, dress, and behaviors. If your job is to sell your sexiness, beauty, image, or appeal, your significant other may develop negative feelings in-time.

These feelings can lead to infidelity from both sides, with one or the other partner cheating. Overcoming these challenges in a relationship is NOT impossible, but takes work and communication. Work and communication is aided with the help of a sex therapist or couples therapist.

Couples Counseling for Jealousy and Trust Issues

When Should You See A Therapist After Being Cheated On?

If the issues are causing you any mental strain at all, and you cannot deal with it yourself, you should consider the help of a therapist. That is what therapists are here for, to assist you in dealing with your thoughts and feelings. The thoughts and feelings that erupt after the betrayal of infidelity are quite immense and usually quite negative. Dealing with so many negatives at once is difficult for even the soundest of people; so, don’t be ashamed to reach out for help.

Should You Trust Relationship Advice from Family and Friends

Taking Friends Advice On Infidelity

Our blog on “Taking Relationship Advice From Friends and Family” does a great job of explaining why friends and family are not certified, trained therapists and not the best answer for your therapeutic needs. In general, don’t take relationships advice from your friends and family, or at least take it with a large grain of salt.

Dealing with the Trauma of Infidelity

The first order of business is to treat the initial trauma of infidelity in the person being cheated-on. The feelings of shock, disgust, disbelief, and grief can take an emotional toll on the individual and cause them to make rash decisions, lose control of their emotions, or engage in unhealthy behaviors themselves.

No “Eye For An Eye” Cheating

The worst idea you can have in response to infidelity is to think that you “deserve” to cheat also, or that cheating yourself will also cause your significant other the same pain you are feeling. This is a rash decision that can have significant negative repercussions on your mental and physical health.

Also, be very careful about immediately pursuing other relationships or sexual encounters immediately after experiencing the betrayal of infidelity and being cheated-on. Once again, you may think you “deserve” the new encounter or relationship, but that is not a healthy way to start a relationship.

Counseling Near Me - Arizona Relationship Institute - Arizona Therapists and Counselors

Overcoming Trust Issues After Infidelity

The biggest therapy issue facing those who have been cheated-on is learning to trust again. Men and women alike identify a lack of trust in their partner as the longest-lasting of the negative symptoms of trauma from infidelity. Many cheaters themselves also are acting out of their own long-term symptoms of trauma, including deep trust issues.

Ironically it is often a lack of trust that makes many individuals cheat; a lack of trust that they are loved or cared for, or lack of trust that anyone will be sexually faithful to them.

Trauma Focused Therapy and Counseling in Mesa Gilbert Arizona - AZRI

Trauma-Informed Therapists in Mesa Arizona

At the Arizona Relationships Institute (AZRI) in Mesa, we focus on overcoming the hardest of challenges in relationships, especially infidelity. Additionally, many of our therapists are expertly trained in the latest trauma-informed therapies and trauma-focused education. As an institution, we recognize the large part that trauma plays on the human psyche and the importance of treating trauma for a healthy and sound mind, body and soul.

Trauma and Depression Treatment Mesa Arizona - AZRI

Therapy for Overcoming Cheating and Infidelity

If you have experienced a particular devastating betrayal in your life that has caused you significant trauma, we invite you to reach out to the Arizona Relationship Institute or other Competent Trauma Therapists to start the healing process.

Without overcoming infidelity, many individuals let the effects of trauma last for months or even years, and allow the trauma to negatively affect positive relationships with good people. AZRI wants to help you rebuild connections in your life and rebuild yourself into someone who can safely and comfortably build new relationships.

Male Therapists or Female Therapists? Which Is Better For Your Needs?

Male Therapists or Female Therapists - Which Is Better For Your Needs - AZRI - Arizona Relationship Institute

 

Male Therapists or Female Therapists? Which Is Better For Your Needs?

This is an important question that each individual seeking therapy must ask when trying to find a therapist nearby. It is also incredibly important to be open-minded and overcome gender stereotypes when looking for a therapist.

Men and women can BOTH learn a lot from therapy with a male therapist, just as they can with a female therapist. Your admissions specialist may even recommend that you see both a male and female therapist at the same time or off-and-on between the two.

Therapy for Men and Women - AZRI Mesa Arizona

The Differences Between Male and Female Mindsets

Men think differently than women, and women think differently than men — this is the way nature made us, and it is a very intelligent design, actually. Males and females work together with their strengths and weaknesses to form a better single unit.

Females tend to have similar thinking patters while males tend to share the opposite thinking patterns; this leads to 2 distinct perspectives to every problem, a side-view and top view, if you will. Just as you can turn a Two-Dimensional Drawing (2D) into a Three-Dimensional Drawing (3D) with an additional perspective, you can see problems and their solutions more clearly with an additional DIFFERENT perspective.

Depression Treatment - The Arizona Relationship Institute

Gender Preferences For Therapists

Usually a person already has a preferred gender in-mind for their therapist before they start searching for nearby therapists. In the beginning, patients of therapists are very adamant about the gender of a therapist that they want  to see: male or female. Quite often, patients are also very adamant that they DO NOT want to be seen by a therapist of a certain gender. Your intake specialist will take your preferences into consideration when matching you with the best therapist that matches your needs.

Counseling Near Me - Arizona Relationship Institute - Arizona Therapists and Counselors

Should Men See A Male Therapist and Women See A Female Therapist?

It is a popular opinion and pre-conceived notion that women should automatically see a female therapist, and men should see a male therapist. This is NOT TRUE, and in some cases, matching a patient and a therapist solely on gender can lead to a mismatch with your counselor / therapist.

In the cases of sexual trauma, sexual dysfunction, and other sensitive topics, the gender of the therapist may weigh more heavily on the decision of which therapist is best for you. However, intake specialists see past many gender and cultural stereotypes, and focus on therapeutic specializations and experience.

The Benefits of a Female Therapist for Therapy in Mesa Arizona - The Arizona Relationship Institute

The Benefits of a Female Therapist for Therapy

Females (in general) are more emotionally-minded than males, and they are much better-equipped to give their perspective on your concerns from an emotional standpoint, whereas males are more logic-minded and give a more mechanical perspective from a standpoint of what is logical (to them).  These are very general perspectives and are gender stereotypes themselves; each therapist brings their own unique perspective, experiences, and education to the therapy session, and their dedication should always exceed their own gender and/or knee-jerk stereotypes.

Male Therapists Near Me - Arizona Therapists and Counselors - AZRI

Why Women Should Consider Seeing a Male Therapist

Some of the best advice many women have gotten has come from men, and likewise the best advice men have gotten as often come from women. Women see their own problems from their own FLAT (2D) point of view most of the time, but can see their own problems and concerns from a second perspective with the view of a male therapist.

Using this better view of both sides of their problems, a women can find their own solution to mental and emotional problems on their own. Likewise, the same process can happen with men who see female counselors.

Black and African American Therapists in Mesa Arizona - AZRI - The Arizona Relationship Institute

Why Men Should Consider Seeing a Female Therapist

Men should consider seeing a female therapist for their own emotional and mental health concerns to get a different perspective of the concerns. Quite often the very first session with a female therapist can show a man the female perspective on their problems. This new perspective can offer better and quicker successes in therapy than may have been achieved without the unique perspective of a female therapist.

Advice From Friends Versus Professional Therapists

Relationships Problems in Men Versus Women

In therapy and counseling for relationships and sexual, intimate relationships, men have a tendency to only want to discuss the issues with another man. Vice-versa, women are compelled to only want to divulge their sexual and relationship secrets to another women. This comes from our social standards — in society; men are expected and taught to discuss and learn-from each others intimacy and relationship issues in a group of men, while women are encouraged to keep their discussions within their own gender group.

Relationships are built on the bridging of opposites — you learn each others’ differences and similarities. You and your significant other meld your own personalities together and your relationship becomes a part of you. Looking at your own relationships and diagnosing problems with it is as difficult as looking at yourself and diagnosing your own faults. This is why we usually seek the outside opinions of our friends for relationship problems.

Because of our own gender stereotypes, and what we are taught is normal, men tend to only feel comfortable talking about their relationship problems with other men, and women with women. This usually does NOT help, and is why we seek further advice from a therapist. At this point is important to be open-minded to the therapeutic opinions of the opposite sex.

Therapy Near Me - Arizona Relationship Institute - Arizona Therapists and Counselors

Being Open to Cultural Uniqueness in Your Therapist

Just as you should be open to the idea of a therapist of the opposite gender, you should openly embrace the cultural differences you and your therapist share. Even if you are in a heterosexual relationship, you can benefit from the perspective of an individual in an LQBTQ+ relationship, just as queer, gay, and lesbian couples can benefit from the perspective of a heterosexual male or female.

Everyone has unique backgrounds, and when people of different background get together and simply talk, that is when the magic of humanity happens. Someone from the “East Coast” can learn from the perspective of a person from the “West Coast,” Christians can learn from the culture and perspective of those of the of faiths, and so-on…

Open Minded Counselors in Arizona - AZRI

Be Open-Minded in Your Search For a Therapist

Our best advice is to be open-minded to a therapist who DOES NOT share the same gender as you, especially for emotional, mental, and intimacy therapy. Breakthroughs in therapy happen when you see your problems from a different perspective and are able to take-action to resolve those problems. Breakthroughs are harder to attain if you are staying only in your comfort zone versus seeing your problem from all different sides.

It is important for you to be open-minded to your therapist’s background and characteristics, just as it is important for them to be open-minded to yours…

At The Arizona Relationship Institute We Have a Diverse Team of Different Genders, Gender Identities, Cultural Backgrounds, and Faiths

We Invite You To Start A Free 15 Minute Consultation to See Which Therapist Matches Your Needs Best! Your Match May Surprise You, and That Is A Good Thing!

 

Meet our Team >>

What is Polyvagal Theory?

What Is Polyvagal Theory for Therapists and Therapy

 

The “Polyvagal Theory” is an idea that people have a range of physiological/psychological states in our everyday behaviors that affect our overall health and wellness. Simply-put, the idea is that our nervous system has a “mind of its own” and regulates our mental and physical health. It does this without the brain and our consciousness being aware that it is happening.

Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) per Polyvagal Theory

The Polyvagal Theory theorizes that an Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) not only acts as an autopilot for the body, but suggests to us how we should consciously react to situations. This is thought to be the mechanism behind our “instincts” that have an affect on our behaviors.

Image Source: Wikipedia | https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyvagal_theory

What Are The 3 Principal States Per Polyvagal Theory?

Polyvagal theory states that the mind and body moves fluidly through 3 primary states:

    • Relaxed
    • Immobilized
    • Mobilized

 

RelaxedParaysmpathetic Nervous System | Ventral Vagal Pathway. The relaxed state is characterized by normal heart rate and muscle tone, and this state encourage the conscious being to be: Relaxed, Engaged, Curious, Creative, and Hopeful.

Immobilized Parasympathetic Nervous System | Dorsal Vagal Pathway. The immobilized state is characterized by low heart rage and muscle tone. Immobilized individuals show low energy, and emotions of: bliss, dreaminess, tranquility, meditativeness when feeling safe. When feeling unsafe in the immobilized state, you can expect an individual to react with emotions of: depression, unhappiness, loneliness, and hopelessness.

MobilizedSympathetic Nervous System. The mobilized state is characherized by increase heart rate and blood pressure. Hormone flow is also elevated in the mobilized state, and accompanies increased muscle tone. Mobilized individuals are energetic, active, playful and motivated when feeling safe. When feeling unsafe, the mobilized individual shows ‘fight or flight’ emotions, is fearful, anxious and increased stress leads to feelings of impending doom.

Your Current State + Outside Stressors and Stimuli = Your Behavioral Reaction

Behavioral Therapist in Mesa Arizona - The Arizona Relationship Institute

As an example, if you are stressed and on edge (Your Current State is: Mobilized) and are subjected to another stressful situation, then the Polyvagal Theory suggests that you will most likely react with a “fight or flight” instinct.

Therapists and counselors have seen that applying the Polyvagal Theory to psychotherapy can help to analyze behavioral responses. Used in combination with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), therapists can better understand why we react and behave the way we do.

This is especially helpful in therapy for individuals with self-destructive behaviors that they cannot seem to avoid. It is often found that past trauma keeps the individual in a mobilized state more than is healthy for daily behaviors. In this mobilized state, an individual is more likely to react to stress, fear, and anger in a negative way. Helping the individual work around these states is easier for the therapist and individual once these states and behaviors are recognized.

DBT and Polyvagal Theory in Mesa Arizona - The Arizona Relationship Institute

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and Polyvagal Theory

DBT and the Polyvagal Theory work-together very well for therapists and those in therapy. Before we can fix the mental, behavioral and physiological issues that face us in daily life, we must first understand the issues thoroughly. Using DBT and Polyvagal Theory, therapists can find the root causes of addictive behaviors, substance abuse, sex addiction, sexual and arousal issues, anger issues, and anxiety issues.

Treating Anxiety and Panic With Polyvagal Theory

Anxiety and panic disorders leave individuals in a constant state of worry. Small details cause so much worry in anxiety sufferers, that sometimes even leaving the house or going to work is an excruciatingly painful experience. The Polyvagal Theory shows that these individuals are constantly at a mobilized state, and this constant state of nervous system arousal causes automated emotions and responses.

Anxiety and Panic Attack Treatment - Arizona Relationship Institute Mesa Gilbert

Recognizing that state, and being able to calm yourself into a state of relaxation can prepare you to make a more positive reaction to stressors. Some anxiety sufferers that work deeply with DBT, Polyvagal Theory and recognizing their own behaviors, are able to recognize negative thoughts BEFORE they become a negative behavior.  Recognizing your own negative behaviors and changing them is a key turning point in therapy; and can be achieved more quickly when therapists are cognizant of Polyvagal Theory and implement the core principals into their own process.

Polyvagal Theory Couples Counseling in Mesa Arizona - AZRI

Polyvagal Theory and Couples Therapy

Your Polyvagal State not only dictates your mental state, but it plays a part in your part of the state of the relationship. Think about it… the 3 states easily translate into a person’s perspective on the relationship. A person has one of 3 views on their own relationship with their intimate partner:

    • Relaxed
    • Immobilized
    • Mobilized

We want to have a good balance between Relaxed, Immobilized and Mobilized with our partner. We need to be: strong, comfortable, and vulnerable in a healthy intimate relationship, especially a sexual relationship. Problems arise when the 3 states are imbalanced or don’t match-up (much like mismatched desires).

Sexual Trauma Therapy in Mesa Arizona - The Arizona Relationship Institute

Sexual Trauma, Polyvagal Therapy, and Sexual Trauma Therapy

Some of the deeper work with Polyvagal Theory involves identifying the behaviors around trauma, sexual trauma, past traumatic experiences, PTSD, and Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). Polyvagal Theory has helped therapists grasp a deeper understanding of the “fight or flight” mechanisms of the brain that are involved with trauma.

Polyvagal Theory breaks down the stages and reactions of the brain and body when a person has an “emotional shutdown” (complete Immobilization due to fear, stress, and perceived threats). Likewise, it outlines the process and behaviors surrounding aggressive or violent responses and behaviors from some individuals. This highly focused Mobilization state can also be more focused on the positive end of the spectrum also — leading to very intense and passionate responses.

Sexual Trauma Therapists at The Arizona Relationship Institute Mesa Arizona

Sexual Trauma Therapists at The Arizona Relationship Institute

The Arizona Relationship Institute has therapists and counselors that are specialists in dealing with trauma, PTSD, past sexual trauma, and Adverse Childhood Experiences. We invite readers to Start With a Free Consultation to find the right Therapist that matches your needs.

Polyvagal Theory at The Arizona Relationship Institute

Many of our therapists are Polyvagal Theory-Informed, competent with the principals, and/or are studying further on the topic. It is a valid theory that has shown great benefits in real-life therapy sessions.

Meet The AZRI Team >>