Step Families and Blended Family Circles

If you are reading this, then you are considering Blended Family Therapy, or are wanting to learn more about the topic. At AZRI we specialize in Blended Families because so many of us come from blended families and are raising blended families of our own. We hope that the information below can help other blended families.

What Are Blended Families?

Simply put, families blended families are families that have merged from other separate family groups. The sitcom family “The Brady Bunch” are a classic example of a blended family, a Man and three sons join with a woman and three daughters to form a blended family. Blended families often form from divorcees and widows (and widowers) re-marrying.

Common Issues Affecting Blended Families

Families are complex and filled with a number of internal conflicts. These conflicts can be especially complex in blended families, especially if there are differing opinions on how the conflicts should be addressed. When these opinions fall along the blended family line, it can bring up unresolved feelings and issues like resentment.

How To Be A Parent In A Blended Family

When you are a “new” parent in a blended family it can be difficult to know the rules, boundaries, and best practices in dealing with your “new” daughter or son. Parenting styles can differ dramatically between two people, and it takes time to understand a person’s style of parenting – or how they act when they have to be an “authority figure.”

Kids Test Boundaries of Parents in Blended Families

Yes, our children our perfect little angels… except when their not! Kids love to test their boundaries and push parents’ patience. Even the most well-behaved children can be tempted to test their limits in a new household situation to see what they can get away with. This is a very natural reaction to an environmental change, and while you should be aware of your children’s needs you should not feel obliged to let them bend or break rules.

Sibling Rivalry in Blended Families

Sibling Rivalry is considered “health” to moderate competition between siblings (brothers and sisters). Parents need to be sure that this “competition” between siblings does not exceed moderate actions. Children often do have control or limitations developed in social competitive situations. Children can easily cross boundaries and become vindictive, aggressive, or focus on other negativities if left unchecked. In blended families, this happens as well; but is very prevalent in blended families where children lack natural familial bonds that have been set.

Blended Families and The Exes

Whether it is an ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, ex-wife, or ex-husband, blended families come with many “Exes.” Navigating the relationships with these individuals is a part of the task for the blended family, as well as the Blended Family Counselor. If the “Ex” has a relationship to the children – as in the mother or father of one or more children in the blended family – then that person has certain rights that may overlap with the blended family situation. It is important to be clear that Blended Family Support IS NOT Family Custody Support.

What Do Blended Family Therapists Do?

Blended Family Therapists do what other family therapists do, they help families work through their everyday problems. The only difference is, Blended Family Therapists have a background that is focused on blended families. Many Blended Family Therapists even come from a blended family themselves.

What to Expect From Blended Family Support

A common misconception about Blended Family Therapy is that it is hardcore psychotherapy that is forced upon the family. Many children especially get anxious about “therapy,” thinking it is a scary or a stigmatized thing that they should feel ashamed about. Blended family support is about the farthest thing from intensive psychotherapy as you can get while still talking with a counselor.

Its easy, and simply chatting in a group or several smaller groups with your family and a family friend (Therapist) who helps the family members work together.

Blended Families and Couples Counseling

It is important to keep the various family problems in their own respective circles. For example, you are not going to be talking about “bedroom topics” with the children and the entire family… those topics are best suited for a smaller circle of the family. Likewise, the children do not need to be involved in many of the couples relationship issues. This is why it is best to have many different formats for working on the family’s problems. Couples counseling is a great example – We at AZRI may recommend Couples Counseling or other services alongside Blended Family Support.

Blended Family Support IS NOT Family Custody Support

A Blended Family Support Therapist is not a Family Custody Counselor and does not get involved in cases of child custody. Child custody arrangements should be well in-place before Blended Family Support is started. Sticking to the rules and schedules of an existing custody agreement is something that a therapist can help blended families to attain.

Co-Parenting Counseling for Blended Families

Co-Parenting Counseling is highly recommended for parents that share custody of children – even those who have no apparent issues with sticking with custody arrangements. The reason is that Co-Parenting helps push parents and children to achieve greatness in their relationships. Co-Parenting staves off bad parenting habits and promotes positive habits. Co-parenting keeps parents in a schedule or a “format” for setting aside and spending time with their kids.

Many of those in Co-Parenting Therapy rave about the benefits – stating that it “kept them on track” for dealing with the life changes in their children’s lives.

Can Children From Blended Families Be Normal?

One of the biggest worries from parents about raising their children in a blended family is if their children will turn out “normal.” This brings a giggle from therapists and those of us that know that there is no “normal.” But, it is important to understand what these parents are truly asking: “Will being raised in a blended family cause negative issues in my child?” To-which, the answer is NO!

Blended Families Do Not Cause Trauma

Simply living in a blended family does not cause trauma and does not harm a child. However, circumstances brought-on by a blended family situation can lead to trauma being inflicted. It is important to remember that it is not the blended family that causes the issue, it is the situation.

This can be a difficult concept to grasp – even for those struggling with this issue. Many blame the blended family situation for the problems, instead of placing blame where it should be. “Well this would have never happened if you and mom never divorced…” is a great example of placing blame on the blended family, rather than where it should be.

This is much more common than we realize, and many do it subconsciously. This is why Blended Family Therapists are so helpful – they help the family to see through mental illusions and tricks we play on ourselves. Once  you see through the illusion, the therapist and family can deal with the true cause of issues and traumas.

Can Blended Family Counseling Help?

If your family is growing as a blended family and you are curious as to whether therapy is right for you, we invite you to schedule a free 15 minute consultation. 15 minutes can help you to decide whether your family is going through normal growing pains, or if you need a blended family support specialist to help your family.