After you have lost trust in a person, it is difficult to regain trust. You will likely lose trust in both the person  and in other people. You may even second guess yourself or question everything you believe.  So how do you get over betrayal, loss of trust, and trust issues?

Tips for Re-Building Trust

You have to trust that the ground will stay under you while you walk, otherwise you will die where you are sitting. You cannot live without trusting in various certainties to the world around you. The number 1 key to rebuilding trust is to slowly allow yourself to be more vulnerable to trusting in others.

Actions That Cause A Loss Of Trust in Another Person

It is important to start with a list of common actions that cause hurt and distrust in others. Many people plead ignorance when confronted with their actions that have hurt others, so it is important to establish these actions as hurtful and will likely cause distrust in relationships both intimate and platonic.

Lying – Lying is the biggest action that causes a loss of trust, because a lie is taking advantage of trust. White lies can also cause a loss of trust because it gives a person a reason to second guess another’s actions, intent, and the information relayed.

Withholding the Truth — Purposefully withholding the truth, or not telling a person certain things can also cause a person to lose trust just like a lie. The intent to disinform, or misinform causes the same feelings of betrayal as lies do. Even if you are lying or withholding information in an attempt to shield a person or protect them, the betrayal of the lie or withholding the truth is painful and causes a loss of trust.

Cheating — Both friends and lovers can feel “cheated-on” by other people.

Platonic Infidelity – Friends can feel a loss of trust in another friend from “cheating” behaviors such as:

• • • • Not being included in certain groups  – (not being invite when other friends are around – even when trying to protect a person or “keep peace,” the omission / lack of invitation can be seen as “cheating” or platonic infidelity.)
      • Acting Different in Certain Groups – If someone treats you differently depending on the other people that are around, this can be hurtful and cause a loss of trust for what a person says or how they act in all situations.
      • Betraying Trust / Secrecy — Telling other people secrets that were told in confidence can cause a person to lose trust.
      • Taking Another Person’s Side in Personal Criticism — often, friends will feel a hurt or loss of trust when being criticized by a 3rd person and the friend agrees or takes the 3P’ side.

Sexual and Romantic Infidelity – this is the common form of infidelity most are familiar-with. Cheating can be flirting, kissing, hugging, engaging in intimate conversations, fantasizing about cheating, sexual activity, and other intimate acts.

Re-Building Trust After Lying

Depending on the lie-told, the seriousness of trust issues can vary. Assuming the lie was a very serious, large, earth-shattering lie, rebuilding trust in others depends on the severity of the trauma caused on the psyche of the person with lost trust.

The Trauma of Being Lied-To

Trauma is the root cause of a number of mental health conditions, including depression, anxiety, and betrayal. Betraying a person’s trust can cause a number of traumatic symptoms, the most common is a adopting a mistrust of others. In order to maintain a healthy social psyche, an individual must get over trust issues that negatively impact their day-to-day life.

Survivor Mentality for Overcoming Betrayal

We get over betrayal because we “have-to!” it is a fact of life, and something that must be overcome if we are to survive in our world. How long it takes a person to overcome that betrayal is the one factor that is on a sliding scale, though. A person can suffer with mistrust and distrust issues for years before finally getting-over trust issues, or succumbing to a number of dangers that away a person who cannot trust others.

Getting Over Cheating and Betrayal

Again, we overcome cheating and betrayal, because we need-to. Living in a lonely world where you cannot trust others or let another person be intimate with you is miserable. In order to love and be loved by another person, you have to open-up to that person, allow them into your life fully, and trust that person.

Yes, you could be opening yourself-up to the hurt and betrayal again if the person you let-in betrays you. But, there is no love without vulnerability.

Learning To Be Vulnerable After Trust Issues

Learning how to be vulnerable after trauma, betrayal, and loss of trust is an uphill battle, but that is why therapists employ a number of therapy types (CBT, DBT, EMDR, etc.) to break-down the natural self defense mechanisms the damaged mind puts-up.

Working with a therapist can help you to strengthen your own mind, soul, and psyche — removing anxiety, fears, and self esteem issues that hold you back in your thoughts and actions. A therapist builds your mind into that of a fighter, who doesn’t shy away from a mental play-fight that lovers and friends often engage-in. With a renewed confidence and positive attitude,  those with trust issues are eager to work at regaining trust in people and in love and in human caring.

Cheating and Betrayal Therapy in Arizona

Our therapists at The Arizona Relationship Institute work with many individuals and couples that have experienced cheating, infidelity and betrayal. Not only have our therapists successfully helped those who have been betrayed to trust others again, but our couples therapy for infidelity sessions have helped serial cheaters and those who have betrayed their partner understand the hurt they have caused and reverse their behaviors.

Couples Therapy in Arizona

If you and your partner have experienced past infidelity and are looking to re-build trust and strengthen your relationship, we suggest signing up for our FREE 15 Minute Consultation. The consultation will familiarize you with our therapy standards, and whether we may be able to help your relationship.