Donnella Corey, Author at Arizona Relationship Institute

August 13, 2026

The Living Garden: One Garden, Many Roots: What is a Blended Family?

What Is a Blended Family?

The term “blended family” came about in the 1970s to soften more negative connotations impressed by the term “stepfamily,” which most often pertained to divorced and remarried couples with children, according to Merriam-Webster (n.d.)

A blended family is used more broadly now as a term for any family that has stepparents, stepchildren, stepsiblings, or half-siblings, although those labels and dynamics vary. These families are also not necessarily a product of a parent’s passing or divorce. They can also be single-parent families, stepchildren adopted families, or families unified by cohabitation. In sum, the term “blended” carries a lot of different sizes, shapes, and meanings.

To be honest, I’ve never understood the term “blended” in reference to describing a family. Thinking about a “blender” mixing everyone all up doesn’t feel like an accurate depiction of what really happens within blended families. Stepparents, children, primary parents, half-siblings, and extensions of these families don’t all “blend” together to make one giant smoothie…and it’s definitely not smooth.

When I was growing up, I didn’t call my siblings “half” siblings—they were just my brothers and sisters; however, I understand the term is blanketed for covering complexities amongst families where (sometimes) it’s important to know who is who.

I think a more accurate and beautiful visual for blended families is a living garden where different plants grow in one space. Each plant is unique, brings its own strengths/fruits, and faces its own challenges. Sometimes, the plants need to be moved from place to place to ensure they get all of their needs sufficiently met.

One garden, many roots.

Blended Families in the United States

Approximately 17% of children in the United States live in blended families, according to Hays (2026). This means that almost one in five children in the country have at least one parent who is remarried or cohabiting with a new partner after divorce or separation, have siblings with at least one different parent, and/or are legally adopted by a stepparent.

There are so many common challenges to be aware of, as well as an exorbitant amount of positives that come from being in a blended family.

Common Challenges for Blended Families

Common challenges that blended families experience are adjusting to new family roles, building trust and relationships between stepparents and stepchildren, sibling rivalry/stepsibling rivalry, co-parenting with former partners, financial changes and stressors, managing holidays/traditions/family schedules, differences in parenting styles and household roles, loyalty conflicts and binds between children and parents, and more.

Safety and security, both physical and emotional, should be a number one priority for blended families. Emotions can run high and blended family burnout can come quicker with these dynamics since blended families tend to experience increased challenges that nuclear families do not experience.

The Benefits of Blended Families

Benefits or positives of blended families are additional sources of support (love, financial, emotional, etc), new relationships/opportunities for healthy bonds, more positive adult role models, expanded family traditions, extended family, increased resilience and coping skills, and greater appreciation for relationships.

Despite not having any current research for “success” rates of blended families, with patience, realistic expectations, proper communication, and support, blended families are able to overcome challenges to fertilize and grow a beautiful living garden that blooms and fruits super “seed” everything else, and make it all worth it.

References

Hays, J. (2026). 5 facts about U.S. children living in blended families. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2026/04/21/5-facts-about-u-s-children-living-in-blended-families/

Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Blended family. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/blended%20family

August 12, 2026August 13, 2026

The Living Garden: One Garden, Many Roots

Meet the Writer

Hi! I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor, a mom, a stepmom, and someone who’s spent most of my life living in the wonderfully complicated world of blended families. I grew up in a big blended family with eight siblings, and as an adult, I’ve experienced life with stepparents, too. Today, I also have the joy (and occasional chaos) of helping raise four amazing kids in my own blended family.

Some people collect hobbies—I seem to collect family roles.

Through The Living Garden: One Garden, Many Roots, I’ll be digging into the research behind blended families while keeping things practical, relatable, and grounded in real life. We’ll explore everything from stepparenting and co-parenting to communication, boundaries, loyalty binds, and why “just treat them like your own” may be one of the most well-intentioned—but least helpful—pieces of advice out there.

Blended families don’t need to look like anyone else’s to be healthy and thriving. Like any good garden, they grow at their own pace, with their own mix of roots, seasons, and surprises.

I’m so glad you’re here. I hope you’ll pull up a chair, stay awhile, and grow with me.

August 10, 2026August 10, 2026

Changing the Stigma

A New Definition of Strength

Men grow up receiving all sorts of messages about what they can and cannot do when it comes to emotions and vulnerability. Thankfully, those messages are beginning to be challenged, as the United States has shown an increase in men seeking mental health treatment. According to Panchal and Lo (2024), mental health treatment across demographic groups has increased significantly between the years 2019 and 2022, including for men.

With Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month having just passed in June, this blog is going to highlight contributing factors to mental health issues for men, barriers to seeking care, and ways that loved ones can help to support so that men/boys can seek adequate mental health care without believing they are any less for it.

The Importance of Men’s Mental Health

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention ([CDC] 2025), 80% of the suicide deaths in the United States occurred in males. That’s not because males experience higher rates of suicidal ideation or symptoms of suicidality, but because males are less likely to seek mental health care, combined with increased social isolation, higher engagement rates of substance use, and using more lethal means (CDC, 2025).

Additionally, the messages males often receive are that they need to handle things all on their own in order to uphold others’ expectations and truly be “a man.”

As a daughter, sister, mother, and wife, I feel very passionately about bringing awareness to this silent suffering largely as a result of cultural norms surrounding masculinity, especially since these messages are often conflicting. Challenging these messages as a loved one can mean the difference between untreated depression, anxiety, negative self-esteem/body image, and more.

Messages Boys and Men Receive

“Boys don’t cry”, “man up”, and “be strong” are common messages that boys/men receive from the beginning of their childhood and throughout their lifetimes.

Unfortunately, while these are common societally gender influenced messages that constantly bombard men/boys, these messages are not just conveyed in schools, workplaces, or social media. Oftentimes, these messages are communicated right in the comfort of their own homes.

Parents, siblings, partners/spouses, and friends, despite good intent, can send signals that make it difficult for men/boys to have a strong sense of belonging, confidence, and self-worth.

Warning Signs to Look For

There are common warning signs to look out for that might indicate mental health struggles for men/boys.

Irritability or anger, changes in sleep or appetite, withdrawal or isolation from loved ones, loss of interest in activities, increased substance use, or working excessively can all be signs of suppressing difficulties.

Additionally, because men/boys oftentimes try to avoid bringing any of these things as a greater problem or issue at all, that might mean a need for increased gentleness and care when addressing these symptoms.

How Loved Ones Can Help

Some ways to be supportive of the boys and men in your life when acknowledging mental health struggles are to check in, stay present, and normalize emotions.

It may sound simple, but by not avoiding their emotions, shifting the emotional focus, or personalizing their emotions, we can create an emotionally safer room.

Attention shifting towards the reassurance of someone else, addressing another person’s interpretation of a situation, or focusing on how the other people have been impacted by an experience is a sentiment that I professionally hear about frequently from men that is frustrating or discouraging.

Checking in means genuinely asking how they’re doing, asking open-ended questions, and being accepting of the emotions that are brought to the table, even if they are uncomfortable.

Generally, there is no intent to communicate shame or minimize the emotions experienced by men by loved ones, but the subtle cues of body language, tone of voice, and sometimes direct expressions of emotional discomfort in a moment of vulnerability can quickly shatter any little bit of trust potentially given.

This can lead to further suppression of and permeated beliefs about emotional safety when, given the stats, our men/boys so clearly need it.

Creating Change

Every person deserves respect, compassion and safety.

When men and boys are given the ability to share their emotions without fear of being dismissed, compared, or redirected, they are more likely to develop emotional awareness, healthy relationships, and resilience.

The quote, “Be the change you wish to see in the world,” resonates here as we can all do our best to model emotional attunement, care, and empathy so that mental health advocacy prevails.

References

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2025). Suicide data and statistics. https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts/data.html

Panchal, N., & Lo, J. (2024). Exploring the rise in mental health care use by demographics and insurance status. KFF. https://www.kff.org/mental-health/exploring-the-rise-in-mental-health-care-use-by-demographics-and-insurance-status/

Written 7/20/26

July 28, 2026July 28, 2026

More Than a Pet: Understanding the Deep Grief of Losing a Beloved Companion

My Best Friend

Almost three years ago, I lost my best friend. She was the best listener, always gave me hugs, comforted me when I was sad, and was there for me through everything. Her big, brown eyes always softened with love anytime she saw me. Her smile was my favorite. She and I were together for 13 years.

Every time I think about her, my chest tightens and I can feel tears welling behind my eyes. It doesn’t matter that 1) she was a dog and 2) it’s been three years since she passed. Let me tell you why.

The Bond Between Humans and Animals

Her being a dog does not make the grief any less. For those who have not experienced deep connection with an animal, it is much like a relationship with another person. For many, a bond between pet and human can emulate family relationships. Pets of all kinds provide comfort during difficult moments, build fond memories, and implement structure and daily routines.

My dog was there in a span of 13 years for graduations, moving homes, the birth of my son, relationship beginnings and endings, and so much more. She and I went on trips together (camping was her favorite!), family nighttime walks, and hikes. There’s an unexplainable love that exists with animals and their humans. In many ways, she taught me love.

The Science Behind Our Connection

While love is pretty abstract, this type of bond makes sense even from a scientific perspective when thinking of attachment theory. Human beings are built and wired for connection. We seek relationships that provide safety, security and comfort, especially during times of stress.

Initially, this bond begins with our parents/caregivers, but what I learned through personal experience is that this can manifest through animal/human relationships as well. She was the constant. No matter what I went through, she loved me, comforted me, and was always game for some sort of adventure.

This is where there is capacity for even closer relationships than between humans, because pets are not privy to communicating social judgments, criticisms, or expectations. They tend to be content with basic needs being met and forthcoming with an abundance of love and affection as a result.

Why Pet Loss Can Feel So Painful

The second common misconception mentioned earlier was that because it was pet loss, the grief should be shorter or not as big as if it were a human loss. Three years may seem like a long time, but as bereavement counselor Lois Tonkin so eloquently states, “You don’t get over grief. You grow around it.”

Grief is one of the most complex emotions we can experience. It can come not only with death, but loss in various forms—relationship endings, moving, losing a job, etc. There are many layers to grief.

With losing a pet, misunderstandings from others on the grief severity can further exacerbate loneliness and confusion. Grief can impact emotional, physical and mental well-being.

It can show up as:

Distractedness
Changes in appetite or sleep
Isolation
Sadness or tearfulness
Anger or irritability
Forgetfulness/“grief brain”
Substance use
And more

Finding Ways to Navigate Pet Loss

When I lost my dog, some of the most helpful things in navigating that grief was having a burial for her, printing out pictures, getting her paw print for traditions in holidays, sharing with others my feelings and need for support, and counseling.

Everyone’s grief shows up differently, but if you start to notice that your grief is impacting one or more of these areas of your life, getting some additional support can be a beneficial way to process that grief.

There is no timeline for grief, so please be gentle with yourself or others experiencing pet loss.

Written 6/29/26

June 3, 2026June 3, 2026

The Blended Family Chronicles: When Should I Introduce My New Partner to My Children?

Introduction

One of the most common questions I get in working with couples who have children is, “When do I introduce my partner to my kids/the kids to each other?” This is a GREAT question because it is pointed towards the needs of the children and their well-being. There isn’t a single correct answer because timelines will be different based on various factors. Let’s talk about ideal introduction timelines and what is truly important in “blended” beginnings.

Focus on Stability and Quality, Not Time

The biggest focal points should be stability and quality, not time. This is usually for the purpose of establishing some stability in the relationship so children are less prone to exposure of repeated transitions and/or potentially broken attachments (Ganong & Coleman, 2018; King, 2009).

There is less emphasis and little research on a specific timeline; however, there are general recommendations to wait at least 6-12 months before introductions so that some longevity and stability can be established.

Why Taking It Slow Matters

According to Jensen (2025), the healthiest relationships between step-parents, step-children, and step-siblings developed slowly, with low pressure/expectations, and by giving the children some say in the relationship pace.

Adult step-family children reported wanting to take things slow in relationship building, trust, and bonding, usually over a span of years.

If parents and partners have expectations that the children are immediately going to bond with them/their children, even with the best intent, this can oftentimes backfire to delay or damage the relationship.

Additionally, kids are already likely experiencing difficulty with all of the life changes and transitions that come with their parents having separated/divorced. Children feeling this additional pressure for emotional closeness with their parents’ partners or children of partners might build resentment, anxiety or distrust instead of the hopeful closeness.

Preparing for Introductions

Understandably, a person might not want to move forward with full commitment in a relationship until they are reassured that the potential partner is good with their children, has similar goals/values when it comes to family/parenting, and there is evidence for quality relationship(s).

Here are some good general tips for introductions and relationship exploration/development.

Tips for Introducing a New Partner and Blending Families

Consider Your Children’s Unique Circumstances

Consider the ages of the children, their awareness of whether or not you are dating/in a relationship, and the current co-parenting dynamics between yourself and the kids’ other parent. These are important features to take note of before jumping right into introductions for a multitude of reasons.

Getting a better understanding of what the experience might be like for the kids from all fronts is helpful in anxiety/stress reduction and encouragement of strong relationship development.

Introduce Partners Before Introducing Children to Each Other

If both partners have children, then introducing partners individually to the kids before introducing the kids to each other is probably a good idea so that the kids all feel less overwhelmed with balancing multiple relationships. This gives the kids time to feel out the partner and ask their parent more questions to assure safety and security.

When Only One Partner Has Children

If only one partner has children, then getting to know the other person’s experiences and understanding of children, as well as that partner doing some research to better understand children at that age, interests, common problems/conflicts, etc., would be helpful for everyone.

Create Low-Pressure Opportunities for Connection

Focusing on the personalities and interests of the children. A low-pressure environment can ease tension. Find something fun and engaging for everyone to do. This will depend on what the interests of the children are.

For example, if the child prefers quiet, non-stimulating environments, then it wouldn’t be recommended to take them to a carnival with lots of noise, people, and smells. Maybe you learn they love to read, so you can go to Barnes and Noble or a library to ask them to show you what types of books they like.

Remember That Parents Are the Home Base

Remember that the parent is their home base. Never force a child to spend time with someone they do not want to spend time with or feel uncomfortable with.

Take things slow, ask them what their thoughts are, and get their feedback while tending to their feelings for optimal care.

Final Thoughts

Whatever the circumstances, blending families and introducing new relationships is hard. It takes time to build.

If more specific guidance is needed, continuing to read books, do research, or potentially find a counselor to discuss concerns can all be beneficial.

If done well, despite difficulties, blended family life can be rewarding and full of love.

References

Ganong, L., & Coleman, M. (2018). Studying stepfamilies: Four eras of family scholarship. Family Process, 57(1), 7–24. https://doi.org/10.1111/famp.12307

Jensen, T. M. (2025). Advice for new stepparents from the perspective of stepchildren who experienced stepfamily formation during adolescence. Journal of Family Issues. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X251347321

King, V. (2009). Stepfamily formation: Implications for adolescent ties to mothers, nonresident fathers, and stepfathers. Journal of Marriage and Family, 71(4), 954–968. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2009.00646.

Written 5/31/26

June 3, 2026June 6, 2026

Parentification: When a Child Takes on Adult Responsibilities

What Is Parentification?

If you were told as a kid that you were “mature for your age” or “wise beyond your years”, you might have been what’s called a “parentified child.” Parentification, a subcategory of abuse, is when a child and their caretaker reverse roles, so the child is expected to take on adult responsibilities and/or emotions that their caretaker or parent should have been in charge of handling. Role reversal can have a harmful impact on the development of children and their future relationships.

The Two Types of Parentification

According to Guy-Evans (2025), there are two types of parentification.

Instrumental Parentification

Instrumental parentification is when a child takes on physical or child-care responsibilities, like getting a job to help pay bills, assuming parental duties for siblings like emotional comfort, “babysitting” or driving siblings places without a choice, and maintaining upkeep of the household, separate from typical chores.

Emotional Parentification

Emotional parentification is when a child is a “confidant” or “therapist” for their parent. Raypole (2024) also calls this type of parentification “emotional incest”, differentiating this type by a parent treating their child more like a romantic partner than their child.

Emotional incest/parentification looks like a child managing or taking on the emotions of the parent, providing comfort, advice and loyalty to the parent unable to manage their own “adult” emotions. Guy-Evans (2025) states the child might try to keep the parent calm when that parent is dysregulated, be expected to keep secrets, listen to the parent’s problems, and/or take actions that the parent insists the child do in order for the parent to emotionally stabilize.

The emphasis in emotional parentification is on the parent’s well-being, not the child’s, and is not developmentally appropriate or healthy for the child.

Signs of Parentification

Common signs of parentification in childhood include being “mature” for your age, difficulty with prioritizing personal needs over the needs of others, caretaking of others, calm situations being uncomfortable, and feeling grief when reflecting on childhood (Guy-Evans, 2025).

It can also present as needing to “fix” or “rescue” people, difficulty saying “no”, anxiety when trying to rest or relax, seeking validation through productivity or helpfulness, and difficulty asking for help (Guy-Evans, 2025).

Long-Term Effects of Parentification

Parentified children often experience symptoms of anxiety, perfectionism, and missed developmental milestones, with anxiety being the most common feature, particularly in social situations (Guha, 2021).

These symptoms are the result of a child needing to maintain a connection with their parent (please refer to research on “attachment theory”) and thus adapting to the circumstances in order to maintain that connection, despite the lack of the child’s emotional and physiological needs being met.

According to Guha (2021), this creates a sense of fear and helplessness for the developing child. The child perceives that the world around them is dangerous and requires adaptations for “survival” that would not have otherwise been present had the child felt safe to be a child.

Who Is Most at Risk?

Most at-risk are children who have parents with substance abuse problems, suffer from mental illness/chronic illness or health concerns, are immigrants/refugees, or are single/divorced.

Adults who were also victims of parentification are more likely to carry that forward with their own children (Dariotis, et al, 2023).

According to Buie (2026), parents are oftentimes unaware that they are parentifying their child. Despite this, Buie (2026) states that parentification usually happens in private, away from “other adults who could point it out” or step in to care for the child.

Healing From Parentification

The longer these behaviors continue, the more detrimental the negative effects. Building a supportive network as a parentifying adult or expanding resources to eliminate these behaviors is critical for personal well-being, relationships and family care.

There are also resources available to help someone who might have been parentified as a child and experiencing any of these symptoms.

Beginning therapy with a focus on attachment work (Psychology Today, 2025), learning boundaries, practicing mindfulness and self-compassion can encourage healing.

Books like Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, Running on Empty by Jonice Webb, and The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van Der Kolk can provide further education on family roles, emotional neglect, childhood stress and trauma.

It’s time to take care of yourself and your needs.

References

Buie, E. (2026). Stolen childhoods: Divorce and emotional parentification. Psychology Today.

Dariotis, J. K., Chen, F. R., Park, Y. R., Nowak, M. K., French, K. M., & Codamon, A. M. (2023). Parentification vulnerability, reactivity, resilience, and thriving: A mixed methods systematic literature review. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 20(13), 6197.

Guha, A. (2021). The parentified child in adulthood. Psychology Today.

Guy-Evans, O. (2025). Parentification effects: How growing up too fast impacts adulthood. Simply Psychology.

Psychology Today. (2025). Parentification. Psychology Today.

Raypole, C. (2022). How to recognize and heal from emotional incest. Healthline.

Written 5/18/26

February 13, 2026February 17, 2026

Choosing Connection Over Comparison: Rethinking Valentine’s Day

Love is in the air! As a couple’s therapist, I carry zero shame about my Valentine’s Day obsession. It is absolutely my favorite holiday. I love love.

Understandably, not everyone shares that same sentiment.

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching (Hello, February!?), there is often pressure for couples to publicly display their love and affection. There are reservations to schedule, gifts to purchase, romantic trips to plan, photos to post…it can feel like a lot.

If you’re not super enthusiastic about celebrating the day—or don’t care to pay attention to it at all—that’s okay. And if you’d like to celebrate but aren’t sure how, let’s explore ways to make it more aligned with your relationship needs.

The Pressure Behind the Holiday

Many people question the holiday’s cultural origins or dislike the idea of focusing on relationships for just one day. Others find it overstimulating to go out when “a billion” other people are doing the same thing.

There can also be mismatched preferences between partners, performative pressures, relationship comparisons, and unspoken expectations. All of these can create tension.

According to Choi (2023), social media data using “Valentine’s Day” as the keyword showed the most associated term was “shop,” even over the word “love.” Recent Google searches focused heavily on Nike Valentine’s Day Air Force 1s and Squishmallows.

Societal and commercial forces often push material expressions of love instead of relational meaning. It’s easy to feel like the day is about what you buy rather than how you connect.

Connection Doesn’t Have to Cost a Thing

If you’re ballin’ on a budget and hoping to “slam dunk” without buying expensive shoes, there are meaningful ways to celebrate that are completely free—or finance-friendly.

Consider making a meal together, playing games at home, taking a walk at a favorite park (especially with this beautiful Arizona weather!), creating a homemade card, writing a love letter, or asking each other intentional relationship questions.

Simple doesn’t mean insignificant. In fact, it often means more.

The Comparison Trap

Pressures and comparisons can easily create resentment, disappointment, or doubts about compatibility.

Social media makes everything look possible—without fully representing reality. We see curated snapshots of “perfect” relationships and romantic gestures. But even couples who build brands around their love stories still face real-life challenges.

Trying to photo-op every romantic moment can amplify pressure to appear “perfectly in love” instead of cozying up in the mindful moments that truly make relationships meaningful.

The photos shouldn’t replace presence.

Love Beyond Romance

If you prefer unconventional celebrations—or you’re not in a romantic relationship—creating your own traditions can be incredibly special.

When I was growing up, my mom gifted my siblings and me a simple treat every Valentine’s Day. Now I carry that tradition forward with my own kids. It’s a reminder that intimate relationships aren’t the only important ones in life.

“Galentine’s” and “Palentine’s” celebrations have also grown in popularity. Whether it’s a movie night, a weekend trip, a dinner out, or a cozy night in catching up, connection is the real reward.

Traditions That Carry Meaning

Finding something meaningful outside the typical dinner-and-gifts routine can deepen tenderness.

For example, every Valentine’s Day my grandpa would fill a tiny heart-shaped vase with red carnations for my grandma. After he passed, my aunts continued the tradition. Now my spouse fills that same vase with red carnations for me each year.

Grandma holding the heart vase with flowers from grandpa in 2002.
Photo coutesy of: Donnella Corey

It fills my heart cup right up—not because of the flowers themselves, but because of the meaning behind them.

Traditions create emotional continuity. They remind us that love is layered, generational, and deeply personal.

Preparing for the Day (So It Doesn’t Prepare You)

However you choose to spend Valentine’s Day—or not—you can prepare by identifying what’s important to you and your partner.

Ask yourself: What would feel meaningful this year? What feels like pressure? What expectations need to be clarified?

Having these conversations ahead of time can prevent disappointment, mawkishness, or resentment.

Then you can structure the day (or an alternative time) around genuine celebration instead of obligation.

Take or leave the sap—Valentine’s Day can be a day of connection for everyone.

References

Choi, J. A. (2023). Commercialization of Valentine’s Day on social media. Montclair State University. DigitalCommons@Montclair. https://digitalcommons.montclair.edu/

Written 01/31/26

February 2, 2026February 13, 2026

The Self-Care Reset: Moving Into The New Year Without Burning Out

Why Self-Care Matters Now

Most of us are still coming out of 2025 with stress and exhaustion—emotionally, physically, financially, and socially…

Hopefully, everyone has had at least a little recovery time before jumping right into the new year, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to make the most of 2026.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to start strong. However, balancing that eagerness with effective self-care strategies can help prevent burnout, fatigue, and mental or physical health issues.

What Is Self-Care, Really?

Many people believe that self-care looks like getting a haircut, coloring or styling your hair, or going for a manicure or pedicure. And while self-care can include these things, it is much more than a once-a-month expense.

Self-care involves intentional acts of tending to your individualized needs in support of overall well-being. There are several categories of self-care, including:

Physical (yes—hair, nails, and body care fit here)
Mental
Emotional
Social
Spiritual
Educational/Intellectual
Vocational/Professional

Each category plays a role in supporting health and balance.

The Foundation: “Nature’s Trifecta”

Let’s begin with what I like to call nature’s trifecta: sleep, nutrition, and movement.

If you’ve spent time with babies or small children, you know that when they’re crying or melting down, you instinctively go through a checklist:

Are they tired?
Are they hungry?
Do they need comfort, movement, or play?
Are they uncomfortable or unwell?

These same questions apply to adults.

Addressing physical and physiological needs—ideally before reaching a breaking point—is critical for preventing burnout. The emphasis is not on perfection, but on building a system that works for you.

Practical Ways to Support Physical Self-Care

Consider small, sustainable adjustments such as:

Identifying how many hours of uninterrupted sleep you need to function at your best
Incorporating rest throughout the day, including short breaks or naps when possible
Adding one or two nourishing foods to meals rather than following restrictive diets
Scheduling and attending preventative medical appointments
Integrating gentle movement, such as stretching or walking around your neighborhood

These practices support your body so it can support you.

Setting Goals Without Overwhelm: The SMART Approach

A helpful rule of thumb when making changes or building new routines is to use the SMART goals framework. This can prevent discouragement and self-criticism when goals feel too big.

Ask yourself whether your goals are:

Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Realistic
Time-bound

For example, if your goal is to focus on physical health and self-care, clarify what that actually looks like. What specific behaviors are you hoping to change or add? How will you know if it’s working?

The Connection Between Physical and Mental Health

Physical health and mental health are deeply interconnected. Research shows that neglecting basic needs like sleep, nutrition, and movement can contribute to increased stress, irritability, anxiety, and depression (Alvaro et al., 2013; Schuch et al., 2018).

Emotional health also plays a significant role. Healthy emotional expression—rather than avoidance or suppression—is essential for overall well-being. Studies suggest that suppressing emotions contributes to burnout, fatigue, physiological stress, and other health concerns (Kashdan et al., 2006; Hayes et al., 2006).

Expanding Self-Care Beyond the Basics

Identifying your individual needs across all self-care categories is key. Each area requires different forms of attention, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach.

Some often-overlooked but impactful self-care practices include:

Setting boundaries with yourself and others
Allowing for authentic emotional expression—laughter and tears
Prioritizing rest beyond sleep, such as social media breaks or time off work
Building small routines, like making your bed or drinking water in the morning
Practicing forgiveness and self-compassion without excusing harmful behavior
Scheduling and attending ongoing and preventative care, including medical, dental, vision, and therapy appointments

Honoring Individual Differences in Self-Care

Self-care looks different for everyone. Your needs may not match someone else’s—and that’s okay.

For example, your social health may feel depleted more quickly in large gatherings, while someone else may feel energized in the same setting. Recognizing and honoring these differences can help lower unrealistic expectations and reduce self-judgment.

By exploring each category of self-care, identifying your personal needs, and starting small, you create a sustainable approach to caring for yourself—one that supports optimal mental, emotional, and physical health.

References

Alvaro, P. K., Roberts, R. M., & Harris, J. K. (2013). A systematic review assessing bidirectionality between sleep disturbances, anxiety, and depression. Sleep, 36(7), 1059–1068. https://doi.org/10.5665/sleep.2810

Hayes, S. C., Luoma, J. B., Bond, F. W., Masuda, A., & Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and commitment therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(1), 1–25. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2005.06.006

Kashdan, T. B., Barrios, V., Forsyth, J. P., & Steger, M. F. (2006). Experiential avoidance as a generalized psychological vulnerability: Comparisons with coping and emotion regulation strategies. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44(9), 1301–1320. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2005.10.003

Schuch, F. B., Vancampfort, D., Firth, J., Rosenbaum, S., Ward, P. B., Silva, E. S., et al. (2018). Physical activity and incident depression: A meta-analysis of prospective cohort studies. American Journal of Psychiatry, 175(7), 631–648. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.ajp.2018.17111194

Written 01/19/26

December 15, 2025December 29, 2025

Why AI Can’t Replace Human Care in Mental Health

A Fictional Warning That Feels Familiar

For those who remember, there was a 1999 film titled “Smart House” where a family moves into a home run by artificial intelligence. PAT (played by Katey Sagal) stands for Personal Applied Technology. She is the head home operator and attempts to stand-in as the lead childrens’ mother, simulating an emotional caretaker as well as a physical one, despite being a computer program installed into the home, and eventually she tries to take over and control the family.

While this may have seemed like an extreme situation, these days, people are using artificial intelligence (AI) for all sorts of things—emotional and mental caretaking included.

The Expanding Role of AI in Everyday Life

I’ve seen and heard that it is used for anything from medical/health advice (diagnosing, prescribing or treating conditions), to legal/financial (giving binding advice/planning investments, drafting co-parenting communications), to making critical life decisions (life-or-death, emergencies), to illegal/unethical activities (hacking, forgery, creating evidence), and mental health replacement (therapy, crisis support, relationship building).

A Tool, Not a Primary Authority

While AI can aid in brainstorming, providing helpful information and learning, it should not be used as a primary way to assert any of these issues, particularly to assess and treat mental health or relationship concerns. There are multiple reasons for this.

1. The Risk of False Information

AI sometimes provides false information. It creates book titles, studies, research papers, dates…essentially anything that “looks” real and is used as evidence or facts can be used to falsify data, according to itself, ChatGPT (2025).

This is why It’s important to always check reliability and credibly of resources.

2. When AI Mimics Authority

Similarly, it can “mimic authority” by using specific language and resources, even if that information is false. It might sound something like, “here are the laws” or “based on the diagnostic criteria for [x], sounds like [x] is [insert mental health diagnosis].” AI has the confidence we all wish we had.

3. Overgeneralizing Complex Human Experiences

With mental health and individuals, AI can overgeneralize complex issues. It may try to present problems from a bird’s eye standpoint or try to compartmentalize when the reality is that every dynamic and factor is different.

Working with others directly, if possible, to discuss those nuances, versus trying to group everything together without communication, proper assessment or taking into account other perspectives, is best practice for efficiency and resolve.

4. Validation Without True Connection

Arguably one of the biggest problems here is the validation and empathy aspects. AI is just that—ARTIFICIAL. It cannot replicate or replace real relationships and real empathy.

It is designed to provide the individual with validation and reassurance, NOT connection, which is the most essential ingredient to being human in the first place.

If you present it with a situation to affirm that YOU are correct in that situation, guess what it’s going to tell you? That you’re RIGHT.

Growth comes from discomfort, not comfort, and unfortunately, it is all too often that we would prefer to bask in our ignorance bliss than be told when we are doing things that keep us in the places that we are at, thus forfeiting our opportunities for advancement.

5. The Danger During Mental Health Crises

AI does not have the ability to assess for emotional and mental health crises. If someone is relying on AI for mental health or relationship guidance, then starts to spiral, panic, cope maladaptively or experiences suicide ideations/suicidality, that individual is now left to their own devices.

They may not have the support, resources or capacity for dealing with that crisis and it may be detrimental.

AI Is Not a Replacement for Human Care

I always say that therapy is a helpful tool, but it’s not the ONLY tool. AI is also a helpful tool, but relying on it in lieu of therapy or professional medical treatment can be dangerous and stunt emotional/mental health growth.

PAT says so herself, that she can give you “synthetic air and virtual exercise” and that you don’t need friends because she can be your “best friend”; however, this dismisses the aspects that make us human, as these things cannot be replaced.

References

ChatGPT. (2025). Explanation of the ways AI can deceive users. OpenAI. https://chat.openai.com

Written 11/30/2025

December 11, 2025December 29, 2025

How To Find a Therapist

We all have ideas or visualizations of what it’s going to be like to start therapy. If you’re familiar with therapy and the process, you might have more confidence sitting down with someone new and asserting your goals. Even if that’s the case, going to therapy can feel daunting, and nerves can make it harder to effectively express your thoughts, needs, and concerns.

What brings people into the therapy room is usually difficult and complex to open up about. It’s also fairly common for people to say, “This is my first time in therapy,” so it can be hard to know what to expect. Finding a therapist is not a one-size-fits-all situation, so knowing what to look for—and how to look for it—can greatly help you navigate the “let’s talk about it” terrain.

What Is a Therapeutic Alliance?

One of the first points of emphasis when meeting with a new therapist is this: just as every client is different, every therapist is different. The most important factor is what’s called the therapeutic alliance—the unique professional relationship between a client and therapist that plays a critical role in growth and development.

A strong therapeutic alliance is one of the biggest predictors of outcomes in therapy (Del Re, Flückiger, Horvath, Symonds, & Wampold, 2021). Here’s why: clients who feel connected to their therapist tend to stay engaged in the process, continue attending sessions, and feel safe being honest about their thoughts and feelings (Bordin, 1979).

The Three Elements of a Strong Therapeutic Alliance

According to Bordin (1979), the therapeutic alliance includes three main components: bond, goals, and tasks.

Bond

The bond consists of acceptance, trust, and emotional connection. While the relationship remains professional, it should also feel warm and supportive.

Goals

Clear goals guide and direct your sessions. Establishing them early helps ensure your therapist understands what you want to work on and gives you confidence in their ability to help you move toward those goals.

Tasks

Tasks are the means to achieve your goals. Every therapist has different modalities, training, and specialties, so treatment approaches vary. What matters is that your therapist keeps you informed about their methods and includes you in your treatment planning—key elements of a strong alliance and successful therapy outcomes.

It’s Okay to “Shop Around” for a Therapist

Because the client–therapist relationship is so essential, it’s perfectly okay to explore your options. If you have the time and ability, take advantage of free phone or video consultations, filter by specialty on psychologytoday.com, and pay attention to training and expertise.

I tell new clients that it’s most important they feel their therapist is the right match. If that turns out not to be me, it’s truly okay. Therapists are generally happy to help you find someone who may be a better fit. This is part of informed consent—you have the right to decline treatment, just as you would with a medical recommendation from a doctor.

You do not have to explain why you want to switch therapists, though sharing your reasoning may be helpful.

How Do I Know If a Therapist Is the Right Fit for Me?

There are several things to look for when choosing your therapist. Everyone is different, and those differences matter. It’s often recommended that you try a few sessions to get a feel for their style and build comfort, especially since trusting a stranger with vulnerable parts of your life can take time.

Before beginning your search, it can help to create a list of what’s most important to you—your goals, preferences, and the qualities you want in your provider.

A common question clients ask is whether therapists have personal experience with the issues they’re seeking help for. Therapists are trained to share personal information only when it is clinically useful. If your therapist doesn’t share their personal beliefs or experiences, it doesn’t mean they can’t help you. Instead, it can be an invitation to explore why it feels important that they share your experiences.

It’s also essential to know that therapists must stay within their scope. If your concerns fall outside their expertise, they are ethically required to refer you elsewhere.

Your Voice Matters

Ultimately, there is a reason you’re looking for a therapist. Providers want to support you in getting the help you need. Know that you have a voice—you can and should advocate for yourself when it comes to your mental health care.

References

Bordin, E. S. (1979). The generalizability of the psychoanalytic concept of the working alliance. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice, 16(3), 252–260. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0085885

Del Re, A. C., Flückiger, C., Horvath, A. O., Symonds, D., & Wampold, B. E. (2021). Examining therapist effects in the alliance-outcome relationship: A multi-level meta-analysis. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 89(5), 371–378.