The Arizona Relationship Institute, Author at Arizona Relationship Institute

June 28, 2024July 1, 2024

Therapy To Learn How To Be A Better Person

Everyone is constantly striving towards their own life goals, and trying to keep balance in their lives while doing-so. Everything you do in life should be involved with “bettering yourself.” Sometimes, we get off-track in life and our day-to-day goals become more of struggle to stay afloat and just survive. Therapy, is a way to keep your eyes on your life goals and keep bettering yourself, through the good times an the bad times.

Tips for Bettering Yourself and Becoming a Better Person

First thing that is needed to better yourself, is “the will” to be a better person. You have to want to be a better person and you have to be committed to being a better person. Without the true and motivational urge to better yourself, you will have a very hard time doing the “little things” that go into becoming a better person.

How to Find the Motivation to Better Yourself

Finding and holding-onto the urge and desire to better yourself is the most important and firs step in self-improvement. Just like starting a new exercise routine, this first step can be easier-said-than-done. Visualizing the person you want to become can help you to taking the first step. If you want to become more physically fit while bettering yourself, picture yourself as a strong, healthy, happy, future-you. Hold onto that image and remember that as you do the hard work along the way.

Starting a consultation with a therapist that specializes in self-improvement is a great way to get that first spark of motivation given to you — if you can’t find it yourself. Therapists are motivational life coaches that can help break through the barriers that are holding you back from finding your motivation.

Negative thoughts and emotions like shame, embarrassment, hopelessness, and traumatic memories can act like a brick wall that prevent you from getting better mentally and physically. Counselors and therapists are often needed to help break down those walls so that an individual can “Get moving” and find their motivation to change themselves for the better.

How To Think Better Thoughts

Many people have a hard time being a good person because they are constantly thinking negative thoughts. Lots of people naturally think negative thoughts about themselves or other people from time to time, but if these thoughts are persistent, obsessive, recurring, and are harming your overall quality of life, then these negative thoughts are a problem. This problem needs to be taken care of first to make room for positive thoughts throughout the day; positive thoughts about yourself, about others, and about life in general.

The first thing you need to do to get rid of persistent negative thoughts, feelings, and attitudes, is to recognize that they are bad and a problem. They don’t help you, and only hurt you. So why do you hold onto the negatives so tightly? Why is it so important for you to be critical of things instead of just being happy?

Example of Bettering Yourself With (CBT) Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

The above observations are a part of (CBT) Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: a form of therapy that uses a process to analyze your thoughts and make you ask yourself: Why?

Simply using CBT to train your brain to analyze your thoughts and behaviors can help you to keep the negatives out and focus on only positives. For instance, if you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, and are having a negative attitude first thing in the morning, you can either let those negatives grab ahold of you and the rest of the day will be negative; or, you can recognize first thing in the morning that there is a big negative that has latched onto you and wants to ruin the rest of your day, then deflect that negative — concentrating on a positive — and changing your attitude and outcome for the rest of the day.

Working with a CBT Therapist in Arizona can help you to perfect your CBT skills, and use this technique in more advanced ways: like stopping panic attacks, avoiding bad decisions, preventing outbursts of anger/rage, or even quit using addictive substances.

How To Get Over Negative Habits, Behaviors, and Actions

People with negative thoughts and behaviors are NOT bad people. A person is NOT inherently bad, or broken, or hopeless just because they have negative, dark, or bad thoughts and behaviors. This is important to recognize and understand. Treating negative behaviors and actions starts by treating the negative thoughts and emotions that are occurring in a person who is compelled towards bad actions.

CBT and other forms of psychotherapy helps a therapist and an individual suffering from negative thoughts and emotions find the source of these negatives. Together, the therapist and patient then work to remove the negative stimuli from daily life, controlling the triggers for negative thoughts like shame, regret, low self image, etc.

The biggest part of “getting over” the negative thoughts that attack you is to recognize that those thoughts are BAD in themselves — that is where the negative is getting into your life. You need to deflect those thoughts and not let them affect you. The more you deflect those negatives as soon as they start to attack you, the more you will build-up your natural defenses against them. Eventually the brain creates its own defense against negative thoughts — as it recognizes that they are bad and are hurting you.

Getting started on deflecting negative thoughts is always the hardest part — just like starting anything else; but, therapists can help with the “getting started” part until you learn enough self-therapy skills to keep yourself 100% mentally healthy on your own.

How to Stop Being Negative and Mean

There is a serious problem in modern society with many men and women that are simply negative and mean. We don’t mean “ornery,” or stubborn, or abrasive, but people that are “mean” as-in: vindictive, cruel, and selfish to the point of hurting others. This is not okay in any society, and should not be tolerated by others, but we find ourselves in this situation in many countries on Earth in 2024.

Being mean and negative all the time is a mental health issue that requires some mental health therapy in order to reverse. So-called “Karens” or a male or female that stir-up problems, abuse power, argue, or complain to the point that it is a feature of their character or personality. These are people that simply suffering from obsessive negative thoughts and emotions, have not dealt with these mental health issues, and are allowing their mental health issues to turn into negative behaviors and actions.

Once again, the trick to bettering yourself and to stop being negative and mean is to simply recognize the thoughts and emotions that are causing you to WANT to be mean and negative. WHY are you feeling like this? Is it because of some unresolved feelings you have? WHAT first brings on the negative feeling at the root of your urge to be mean or engage in a mean behavior? Many times, there are bad memories, traumatic experiences, and subsequent shameful feelings that are at the root of your negative thoughts, emotions, and the subconscious urge to be mean, start drama, or start arguments.

De-Coupling Positive Chemical Benefits from Negative Behaviors

Why does the brain get you in the habit of starting fights, being mean, being argumentative, and other negative behaviors? If the brain is so smart, why do brains “misfire” and keep some people in constant bad attitudes and thinking negative behaviors? The answer is self-medication.

It is true that the brain does not like negative thoughts and behaviors, and does initially recognize them as bad and as something that is hurting you. If you don’t deal with the negative thoughts and emotions yourself, your brain/body step-in to take-over and deal with the situation. Unfortunately, the decision your brain makes is not a good long-term solution. The brain self medicates you with feel-good chemicals to make you feel better, and may also put up some self defense mechanisms like: making false memories (changing the way you remember a situation to make it less traumatic to you), putting the blame on someone or something else, and telling you that YOU were right all along.

What comes from this terrible way the brain/body dealt with the situation? The person becomes physically addicted to the feel-good chemical release and self-medication. Many start to “self-destruct” at this point — looking for negatives, making bad decisions, wallowing in their own self-pity, and the problem usually gets worse from there. Why are some people constantly mean and negative? Because it actually is making them feel good now. At this point the problem needs to be addressed before the individual increases their bad behaviors into criminal, immoral, or dangerous acts.

Letting Go Of The Thoughts and Emotions That Control Your Life

Being a better person is as simple as putting more focus on the positives in your life, and letting go of the negatives. The negatives are often stronger than the positives though, so everyone can use some extra help and strength to keep the negatives from crowding-out the positivity in your life.

June 18, 2024

Therapy for Addictive Personalities and Compulsive Behaviors

Individuals who are sober and have graduated-from (or are currently enrolled-in) an addiction treatment program will need ongoing counseling and therapy for an extended period of time. Outpatient therapy for sober individuals in recovery helps to keep an individual sober, helps them to fight negative thoughts and behaviors, and prevents relapse.

Outpatient Therapy for Recovering From Substance Abuse

At AZRI, we DO NOT offer addiction treatment services, but rather offer ongoing therapy for those who are in-recovery, sober, looking to stay sober, and need help dealing with mental health or mood concerns. Depression, anxiety, and other mental health concerns are the specialties of our individual therapists in Arizona.

At The Arizona Relationship Institute, we are not a rehab, nor do we offer any sort of addiction treatment. Rather, we happily refer friends, family and clients to Active Recovery Care for starting off your addiction treatment and detox needs.

The Need for Ongoing Therapy After Rehab and Addiction Treatment

After getting sober, most recovering addicts will require some form of therapy either on an ongoing basis, or from time-to-time. Therapy helps to treat a person’s response to the negative triggers in their life that pushed them towards drugs and alcohol in the past, and push the threat of relapse in the future. This is the type of behavioral therapy that our therapists at AZRI focus on.

Therapy for Depression After Quitting Drugs and Alcohol

Depression and anxiety are common side-effects when quitting alcohol and certain types of drugs. Withdrawal symptoms like anxiety, panic attacks, and depression can linger-on for months or even years. These symptoms will reduce and eventually go-away as long as a person remains sober. However, staying sober often requires a great deal of support from friends, family, and a therapist.

Therapy for depression and anxiety — alongside holistic practices like yoga, meditation, and a focus on other health hobbies — can lead you through the triggers and negativities that distract you from your commitment to sobriety.

Therapy for Addiction Substitution

Many recovering addicts suffer from “Addiction Substitution,” or trading one addiction for another. This type of individual may be off of drugs and alcohol, but the addictive behaviors live-on in a replacement addiction. Some recovering addicts may develop a food addiction or a shopping addiction in response to quitting drugs and alcohol.

A replacement addiction is a warning sign that the recovering addict is not getting the mental health counseling and therapeutic needs they require alongside their sobriety.

Therapy for Eating Disorders

The Arizona Relationship Institute therapists can help to treat the mental health symptoms related to eating disorders. Eating Disorder Therapists in Arizona can help you to deal with the thoughts, emotions and behaviors associated with eating disorders, while our partners at Active Recovery Care help with the nutritional and medical concerns.

Therapy for Mood Disorders

Many individuals recovering from substance use disorders were previously using drugs and/or alcohol to self-medicate the symptoms of mood disorders. Undiagnosed mood disorders are a common trigger for drug and alcohol use, and are even more common as triggers for relapse. Ensuring that these triggers do not cause relapse is the main concern of therapists for mood disorders and substance abuse issues.

What Are Compulsive Behaviors?

Compulsive Behaviors are simply actions or thoughts that occur repeatedly or consistently. Many compulsive behaviors can become problematic in everyday lives, and require therapy or other therapeutic practices to treat.

Examples of Compulsive Behaviors

- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
- Hoarding
- Sex Addiction
- Gambling Addiction
- Shopping Addiction
- Eating Addiction
- Eating Disorders
- Fear of Germs
- Repetitively Checking (things, people, places. etc.)
- Obsession with Numbers or Obsessive Counting
- Obsessive Cleaning
- Codependent Behaviors
- Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors
- Pulling or Cutting Hair Obsessively
- Substance Use Disorder
- Alcohol Use Disorder

A full list of the thoughts, actions and behaviors that are categorized as Compulsive Behaviors would be too long to compile, because the symptoms manifest in millions of different ways.

Tourette’s Syndrome is an acute and visible example of compulsive behaviors — as many sufferers will make body movements, vocal noises, or say words repetitively.

Therapy For Compulsive Behaviors in Arizona

The Arizona Relationship Institute offers therapy for compulsive behaviors in Arizona. From addictive behaviors and substance use disorders to obsessive thoughts, AZRI therapists treat the mental health symptoms of obsessive behaviors, and reduce the negative impact on sufferers’ lives.

What Treatments Are There For Compulsive Behaviors?

There is no official “cure” for compulsive behaviors, rather therapists help sufferers to ease the symptoms and negative effects of them. Therapy sessions and different forms of psychotherapy (including CBT, HRT, and others) help people to learn how to put the obsessive thoughts out-of-mind, so they can concentrate on their daily lives instead.

With the obsessive thoughts out-of-mind, a person learns to stop the compulsive behaviors and actions (like drinking, taking drugs, hoarding, gambling, shopping, etc.) or reduce their frequency significantly.

Habit Reversal Training (HRT) for Obsessive Behaviors

Habit Reversal Training (HRT) can help change even the most stubborn of bad habits and hard-to-break repetitive behaviors. It is a simple behavioral therapy that has shown miraculous results in reducing “tics” associated with Tourette’s Syndrome and can be used for other types of compulsive behaviors.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Obsessive Behaviors

Substance Use Disorders (SUDs), Alcohol Use Disorders (AUDs), and behavioral obsessions have been successfully treated with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT shows great results as a therapy for relapse prevention, as the therapy teaches you how to analyze why you do the things you do. From there, you can easily change your behaviors and cut-out the negative things to you do, once your brain makes the connection.

Do I Need To Be In Rehab To Receive Therapy for Addictive Behaviors from AZRI?

You do not need to be currently enrolled in rehab to receive therapy for addictive behaviors from The Arizona Relationship Institute (AZRI). However, you must be clean and sober from drugs and alcohol. If you are actively abusing drugs and/or alcohol, you are encouraged to seek Addiction Treatment first, and ongoing therapy sessions may take place in an outpatient setting at AZRI for approved clients.

We do not offer therapy for “Court-Ordered Therapy.”

How To Start Therapy For Addictive Behaviors

To begin, start with your free consultation from AZRI. Your free 15-minute phone consultation will help to answer your questions, will help us to understand your needs, and will help approved applicants move-on to the next steps.

June 15, 2024March 4, 2026

What To Consider When Scheduling Emergency Marriage Therapy

Arizona Marriage Counseling Therapists - AZRI - Arizona Relationship Institute Mesa Gilbert

When a marriage goes from bad to critical, many couples need Emergency Marriage Counseling & Therapy. Emergency therapy for married couples in times of a crisis can offer one or more benefits:

1. It gives couples a “pause” on the current fights/arguments/unhealthy behaviors. A timeout on the escalation of your emotions can keep fights from going “nuclear” (saying devastating things you can’t take back or making mistakes in the heat of the moment). This allows couples to save all that energy until later when a therapist can act as a “referee” and mediate the communication.
2. It gives couples a neutral setting where both individuals can outline: their issues with the relationship, their goals for their life and the relationship, and all the reasons to save/end the relationship.
3. For couples who are seriously considering a divorce, separation, or breakup, Emergency Marriage Counseling & Therapy can either help to save the relationship, or help all parties to come to terms with ending the relationship as amicably as possible.

Marriage counseling can be incredibly beneficial for you and your spouse at any phase of your marriage (from newlywed to closure therapy for ending a marriage), but there are a few things you should consider before scheduling your appointment for marriage counseling.

Tips For Successful Marriage Counseling Experience

Counseling and therapy can be a wonderful experience, or it can be a terrible experience — just like any other experience. In order to ensure that it is a positive experience, you must enter into therapy fully prepared for what it takes and what to expect to give. At AZRI, we strive to help all of our guest couples have a positive life experience through marriage counseling, and there are several tips that can help you to have an equally satisfactory time.

Finding the Right Marriage Counselor Therapist

A therapist needs to be the right fit for the individual, couple, or group that is attending therapy sessions. This is very true marriage counseling therapists; the couple must be a good fit for the therapist, and the therapist must be the right fit for both parties.

- If the therapist is not right for BOTH parts of a married couple, the balance can become lopsided. One partner in the marriage may feel that the therapist and other partner are “Ganging-up” on them, or other uncomfortable symptoms of imbalance may show. It is important for the therapist and both partners to all form 3 strong sides of a pyramid of healthy communication.
- If one or both partners do not feel comfortable being completely open and truthful with the therapist, problems may arise. It will take time (sometimes a few minutes or a few sessions) for couples to become fully comfortable with their therapist, but it is important to choose the match that gives you the best shot at adjusting quickly. People have their own quirks, and may not feel as comfortable opening up with a male versus a female therapist, or vice-versa, for example. It is important to consider personalities, behaviors, and quirks when choosing a therapist so that you can have the best chance of success.

Male Versus Female Therapist – Which is Better for Your Needs?

Read our exclusive blog on choosing a therapist and whether a male versus a female therapist is best for your personal situation. Click Here to read the blog >>

Types of Marriage Counselors and Therapists

There are lots of different credentials and certifications for therapists and counselors, so what should you be looking-for if you want a good counselor or are looking for the best marriage therapist? You should look at both “credentials” and “areas of focus.”

Credentials — credentials are important to show that the therapist or counselor is “competent.” Credentials show that they have studied the basic required education for a level of therapy, and are not just some random person claiming an expertise without anything to back up those claims. Credentials are important in finding a legitimate counselor and therapist; however, “areas of focus” is a more important factor in deciding on a marriage counselor.

Licensed therapists credentials include:

- - Licensed professional counselors (LPCs)
  - Licensed mental health counselors (LMHCs)
  - Licensed marriage and family therapists (LMFTs)
  - Licensed clinical social workers (LCSWs)
  - Psychologists (PhDs or PsyDs)
  - Psychiatrists (MDs or DOs)

Areas of Focus — therapists and counselors all have their own specialties, or “areas of focus” that primarily work-with. Some counselors specialize in trauma or PTSD, while others focus on individuals or family counseling. Marriage and couples counselors usually focus on the complex relationships between two or more individuals in a love, sexual, or intimate relationship.

Many of the therapists at AZRI.org have their “areas of focus” listed right on their bio pages. These areas of focus are vast and range from childhood issues to sexual identity issues. Certain areas of focus can be a good match for couples, or can be a better fit for the unique problems a certain couple is facing. A therapist specializing-in infidelity may be a good fit for married couples facing infidelity, cheating and trust issues.

Visit the “Meet the Team” page of AZRI to browse through our currently available therapists and see their “areas of focus” for yourself. Familiarize yourself with our team, and this may help streamline the process of booking your consultation with a marriage counselor.

Important Notes on Choosing A Therapist

- Not all therapists will accept all types of insurance. The therapist conducting your therapy sessions will need to accept the type of insurance you plan to use, if you do plan to use insurance to pay for marriage counseling and therapy.
  - If you must use a certain type of insurance for payment, you must also match with a therapist that accepts that form of insurance.
- Be mindful of therapist’s schedule. All therapists get very busy, and everyone must work to find the best times slots available for therapy sessions.
- Be open-minded. Accept everyone’s unique personalities and perspectives.

Christian Marriage Counseling Therapists

For those of Christian Faith, we have Christian Non-Denominational therapists, LDS therapists, and therapists of various other faiths and spiritual backgrounds. We also offer Christian Pre-Marital Therapy for engaged couples and those Christian couples who are looking to get married within the scope of their Christian creeds.

How to Schedule an Appointment for Emergency Marriage Counseling

There are many factors to consider when choosing an Emergency Marriage Counselor in Arizona, but chances are that you and your spouse want to act fast. At The Arizona Relationship Institute, we make the first step easy. Just schedule your FREE 15 Minute Consultation, and we will take care of the rest. An intake specialist will schedule your initial call and get the process moving forward.

May 10, 2024

Therapy for Preventing Substance Abuse and Behavioral Issues in Teens

Arizona Teen Therapists - AZRI - Arizona Relationship Institute Mesa Gilbert JPG

As children exit their childhood stages and enter into pre-teen and teenage years, many parents fear that their changing minds and bodies — as well as the influence of peers and friends — may cause their children to experiment with drugs and alcohol, or develop behavioral issues. How can parents be proactive and help to prevent these issues from developing in their children?

Substance Abuse in Teens

Arizona teenagers have a lower risk factor for substance abuse than teenagers in other states in the United States, but the threat is still very real and very important to avoid. 7.58% if 12-17 year-olds in the State of Arizona report using drugs in the past month, Further, 12.51% of Arizona Teens admit to using marijuana at least once in the past year. Though lower than the rest of the country, the threat of substances abuse and behavioral issues in teens is still very high and a serious one.

Behavioral Problems in Teens

Teens can develop behavioral problems seemingly out-of-nowhere… it comes down to a simple choice by the teenagers whether to seek positive behaviors or negative ones. This choice happens in the teenager’s mind, and therefor the precipitation of the choice also happens 100% in the teenager’s mind. This choice might be influenced by outside opinions (parents warnings about the dangers of drugs and alcohol [positive], or by peer pressure from friends [negative]).

Reinforcing outside influences can push teens further into one choice or the other, so the more positive communication and influence you give a child/teen on this subject, the more likely they will make a positive choice when pressured into using drugs and alcohol or engaging in negative behavioral patterns.

Examples of Teen Behavioral Issues

- Self Harm
- Defiance
- Oppositional Behavior
- Aggression
- Lying
- Uncontrolled Irritability
- Aggressive Behaviors
- Moodiness
- Conduct Changes
- Argumentative

Is My Teenager’s Behavior Normal?

All of the above examples of behavioral issues are to be expected in minor doses from your teen. Teens are generally more argumentative, aggressive, defiant, and less in-control of their behaviors than children and adults, so this behavior is to be expected in minor forms. When these behaviors exceed the normal range of teenage angst and become dangerously problematic, this is indicative of a more serious problem than just normal teenage behavior.

By the time serious behavioral problems show-up in teens, it may be too late for them to reverse course easily. Instead parents want to watch for the warning signs that their teens behavior is outside the normal range, and rectify the behaviors BEFORE they get out-of-hand.

Red Flags for Teenage Behavioral Issues

Contrary to popular belief, behavioral issues are more often seen in teens and children with HIGHER intelligence, rather than in teens within an average range of intelligence. The negative and defiant behaviors often develop out of the teenager’s opinions on what they see right in front of them: in society, in circles of friends, in the behaviors of parents and teachers, and the general way the world works.

Being a teenager is all about realizing who you are and how you fit into the world around you. When things don’t fit exactly, the teenager’s mind is left to question: WHY? The teenage mind tells the individual that something needs to change in order for them to fit in. The teenager will then try and change 1 of 2 things to fit better — either the world, or themselves. This is where the behavioral issues usually stem from.

“Why should I go to school?” the teenage mind will ponder. “The way school is set up does not offer me any benefit that I can see right now, so it is not important to me.” This is where you get the defiant, combative, and aggressive behaviors in teens.

When faced with the realization that to get over this hardship they are feeling they must either change themselves or change the world, some teens get motivated while others lose their motivation. Those that lose interest and motivation are more at-risk to “drop out” instead of dealing with an issue. Not dealing with these smaller issues leads to compounded issues and eventually behavioral problems and issues.

Therapy for Disillusioned Teens

“Disillusion” is the feeling that drives behavioral problems in teens. A feeling of disappointment in something that leads them to not care about that thing anymore, and lack and motivation attached to that thing.

For example, there is a time in almost every child’s life when they go from loving school to hating it. It may happen early in life or later in life, but when the change does happen, it is because the individual has become disillusioned with the idea of school. Maybe the teen feels that school is not really as necessary as parents and teachers have proclaimed it to be; but, the teen no longer has the interest in school and performance will start dropping if they are not engaged. Rectifying this situation requires therapy, because we need to find out what exactly it was that disillusioned the teen, in order to re-instill hope and motivation once again.

Helping Teens to Grow at Their Own Pace

The problem with most school and education systems, is that they all follow a single schedule. At a certain age you begin learning ABCs, another age you learn common courtesy (please and thank you’s), and at the next age all the children move onto the next subject of learning. The problem is that not all children learn and grow at the same rate.

One 13 year old may be fully ready to move onto more complicated and advanced education subjects, while another of the same age might be behind and still need a few more months of practice to be on-par with other children. Therapists act as an outside teacher to help “coach” these teens on the problems they are facing and help to bring them to where they need to be to move-on to the next learning challenge.

Therapy and Counseling for Young Adults

Along those same lines, some teens can become young adults in their 20s before successfully tackling all of their teenage problems. Even adults need therapy and counseling for issues and ideas that were never properly dealt with as a teenager. Remedial counseling for teenage problems as an adult or young adult is quite common, nothing to be ashamed of, and therapists can work closely with you work through developmental-age issues that still persist.

Does Your Teen or Adolescent Need Therapy?

The best way to find if your child could benefit from therapy and counseling is to start with a conversation. A 15 Minute Consultation between your child and a therapist can find out what your child is thinking and worrying about. Sometimes these worries and frustrations can be fixed simply by talking about them and “getting the issue off your chest.” Often a teenager finds an outlet for their feelings and emotions through therapy, and the talk therapy alone is enough to avoid or rectify any behavioral issues in teens and young adults.

May 5, 2024May 6, 2024

Overcoming Shame, Embarrassment, and Humiliation

You can’t be perfect every moment of your life, and there will be moments in your life that are embarrassing, awkward, or downright humiliating. Learning to deal with these inevitable low points in life, and moving-on from them, is an important life skill that can benefit your mental health.

The importance of Overcoming Embarrassing Moments

Getting-over the embarrassing moments of life, and not letting them negative affect you, is so very important. Just one humiliating moment can ruin your life, but only if you let it. This is important for adults to know, and for children and teens to learn, in order to navigate the complexities of life healthily.

Lingering effects from a seriously embarrassing moment can lead to feelings of shame in a person. If unchecked, feelings of shame are incredibly toxic and can lead to depression, poor life choices, and substance abuse.

What is “Shame?”

Shame is defined as: “a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.” Feelings of shame can live-on long after the incident that causes shame is over.

There are generally two types of people: those who easily overcome their mistakes, and those who do not easily overcome them. Those who are not good at coping with embarrassment and shame can let the toxic feelings multiply and increase in strength.

Letting Go of Toxic Shame

Some people are able to easily “shake off” embarrassment and move on, while others need to learn coping mechanisms and healthy ways of dealing with their own negative feelings. For those that need help, therapy for feelings of shame can teach you the vital skills that are needed for coping with embarrassment and humiliation.

While meditation, Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), breathing, and self analyzation are all positive ways to deal with feelings of embarrassment and shame, there are some very negative ways of dealing with negative feelings.

Avoid Negative Behaviors That Worsen Shame

Compounding shame is a real threat, that comes when someone’s negative behavior starts to “spiral out of control.” Making bad decisions on top of the existing shame can lead to compounding feelings of shame.

Attempting to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol is one of the worst decisions you can make, but is the go-to decision for many who deal with shame and embarrassment. Many teens and young adults –who don’t know how to positively deal with feelings of shame — feel like alcohol and drugs will help them to forget about the shameful incidents. Adolescents often try to use drugs and alcohol to “turn off” their feelings, or mask their feelings — wanting to feel “numb” rather than feel any of the painful feelings and emotions.

Abusing drugs and alcohol will only worsen your problems — no matter what the problem you have. When it comes to shame, alcohol and drugs will worsen that shame, and will only “numb” you for a short time before returning you back to reality where the shame is still waiting for you to deal with it.

How to Get Over Embarrassment

Ok, so we know that not getting over embarrassment will cause even more problems in our lives, so how to we actually get over it? The process of overcoming shame and embarrassment will be unique to each individual, but therapists can help you to learn the basic coping skills that lead to overcoming shame and embarrassment.

Step 1: Acknowledge the Incident — Don’t let your mind fantasize about what you should have done or said in an incident, and don’t let your mind talk you into remembering the incident in a fictional way. Instead, acknowledge the incident for exactly how it happened. Tell yourself, ” this happened and I cannot change the past, but I can change the present and the future.”

Step 2: Learn from the Incident — Even the worst possible situations can still offer 1 benefit — the benefit of learning from the incident. Think about what you can do differently if this situation presents itself again in the future. Ponder how you can change yourself to protect yourself from attacks and being a victim of an embarrassing situation. Be the winner in the incident by taking the one prize to be had in embarrassment: be the one who learned and bettered themselves from the incident.

Step 3: Put The Incident In The Past, Where It Belongs — nothing you can do, say, or feel will change the past, so don’t let your mind wander off into thinking that you can. Put the incident in the past, move-on, and only allow feelings of positivity about overcoming and moving-on from the incident. Don’t allow the memories of that incident to bring up negative feelings. Counter both the negative feelings and the memories with positive ones.

Step 4: Don’t Avoid The People, Places, and Situations Where the Embarrassment Occurred — it will be your natural reaction to want to avoid the people, places and things connected to the embarrassing moment(s) that cause feelings of shame. While this is a natural defense mechanism (like PTSD), it does not always offer long-term benefit; it is really just a fight or flight reaction. Instead, embrace the positive people, places and things, while remaining cautious around the possible negative stimuli. You cannot completely avoid embarrassing situations in life, and trying to do so will only lead you to miss out on a lot of life.

Step 5: Acknowledge Your Success — If you have successfully overcome shameful and embarrassing situations, be sure to readily acknowledge it, both to yourself and to others. This step not only helps you to prepare for the next challenge to come, but you can help others by showing how you overcame your challenge.

Overcoming Dangerous Social Situations and Online Bullying

It should be said that purposefully trying to embarrass, shame, humiliate, or bully an person is NOT OKAY! You should never try and put someone into an awkward situation to “watch them squirm.” This seems to have been forgotten in recent years with online bullying and shaming running rampant.

Many of the risks online go far beyond being simply embarrassing, and extend to harassment, extortion, blackmailing, and other serious, criminal acts. These threats go far beyond simple embarrassment, and should be seriously considered with both legal and law enforcement professionals AND mental health professionals.

It should be understood that our advice on overcoming embarrassing situations focuses more on little incidents of awkwardness and isolated case of light embarrassment. We do not put up with bullying or cruel behaviors, and neither should you. If your experience with shame and embarrassment extends beyond a simple incident, then it no longer qualifies as an “embarrassment,” and would be categorized as an attack.

Therapy for Shame and Embarrassment

If you are suffering from feelings of shame and embarrassment, and you cannot overcome these feelings yourself, we recommend consulting a therapist to help you unwind the negative feelings and ensure that the negative memories of the past do not interfere with a positive present.

May 1, 2024May 6, 2024

What is Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter Syndrome is the psychological term given to those who suffer feelings of guilt about their lives, even though they have attained their life goals. It commonly affects high achievers, and leaves a person with negative thoughts, feelings and emotions — even though they are doing everything correctly in their lives.

Examples of Imposter Syndrome

The best way to understand Imposter Syndrome is to learn more details about the lives and goals of people who suffer from this mental ailment.

Example #1: A young woman who has studied all her life, and spent years in school to be a food scientist has achieved her goals and has a coveted job as a nutritional biologist. However, the young woman does not feel like she fits into the job (even though she is excelling at it), and feels like she does not deserver the position she is in.

The young woman fears “getting deeper” into the field and feels like eventually she will one day fail and let everything in her life come tumbling down. She also feels like many of her peers during school deserve the success she has achieved much more than she deserves it. She may be suffering from Imposter Syndrome.

Example #2: A man has been working a new job, in a new field, for the past 6 months. Although he had no experience in the plumbing field, he accepted the opportunity and impressed everyone (even himself) with the way he naturally and quickly learned the basics of plumbing.

His good attitude and work ethic helped him to quickly ascend the ranks in the business, moving ahead of employees who have worked there longer than he has. All this “good luck” in a short amount of time has left the man with a lot of fear and anxiety about his success, though. He believes that a few successes in the beginning have given his bosses an inflated picture of himself, and believes that he can not keep living up to the positive first impressions. He may be suffering from Imposter Syndrome.

Example #3: Woman Number 3 is very popular and very well liked. She has the perfect husband, the perfect home, and the perfect family. Both she and her husband have worked very hard to attain this perfect life, and it is well deserved. However, deep within her is a constant fear that it will all be lost, and that her friends will find out that she is not the perfect person she appears to be all the time.

This woman is the prime example of imposter syndrome, and an example that each and every one of us may run into sometime in our lives. This is because the world gives us an example of a “perfect” life that we are supposed to strive to achieve. Not only are we pushed toward replicating this perfect example in our lives, but this exaggerated “perfect stencil” for a life simply does not fit for everyone. She may be suffering from Imposter Syndrome.

Imposter Syndrome Versus Regret

For some, Imposter Syndrome and the feelings behind it, are caused by legitimate regrets. But many of those suffering from Imposter Syndrome do so without feelings of regret — feeling that they would not change a thing in their lives, but don’t feel good about where they are at and who they are. This is where the truest form of (IS) can occur, without any regret or a specific change in live the person is longing-for.

Regret is defined as a feeling of sadness or loss over something that has happened or been done. Additionally, a person can feel like an imposter due to something that has happened or been done. It is important for psychologists and therapists to determine if the IS and regret are directly linked, or are if one is simply an additional symptom of the overall diagnosis.

Even Psychologists and Medical Professionals Experience Imposter Syndrome Periodically

Because Imposter Syndrome usually occurs to high-achievers and those who have experienced success in life, there is a high rate of (IS) in medical professionals and psychotherapists. The medical professional has a lot of preparation and education before you truly get immersed in the actual work. This leads to many doctors and those in medical professions to feel inadequate, or feel like imposters.

Therapists and counselors have to be a rock and foundation for many other people. Having to be mentally-anchored constantly, and having to be the charismatic voice of reason all the time can cause you to question your own commitments.

Fear, Anxiety, and Low Self-Worth Can Hold You Back In Life

It is important to overcome Imposter Syndrome, and any negative self worth issues if you want to see your goals all the way to the end. Getting hung-up on little mental impediments can delay you on your path to a happy and fruitful life.

Imposter Syndrome and feeling like you don’t deserve success is one of the biggest impediments that can not only cause you to make the wrong life decisions, it can actually cause exactly that which you fear with (IS): loss of your success.

Therapy for Imposter Syndrome in Arizona

At The Arizona Relationship Institute, many of our therapists specialize in therapy for imposter syndrome. Several of our therapists have encountered Imposter Syndrome personally, and overcome its grasp. Further, our life coaches and life change therapists keep you on-track in life. We have created a full-spectrum treatment plan for not only dealing with low self esteem and self worth issues, but a plan to help you overcome these challenges at various points in your life and ensure you meet and exceed your life goals.

April 1, 2024

Neurodivergent Meaning: What is Neurodivergence?

It has long been known that everyone’s brain functions differently. Artists, inventors, and thinkers are often praised for the way their minds work just as much as they are praised for the works they produce. The “great minds” of history are called-such because their minds worked differently than most, but in a way that was highly efficient and at unique perspectives. These types of thinkers are all “neurodivergent.”

What is Neurodiversity?

Neurodiversity simply means that all brains are different. Like fingerprints, the connections, synapses (spaces), and networks of the brain are all unique to each person. No two people have brains that form and function in the exact same way; each person’s brain shows unique “diversity.”

The term “Neurodiversity” was first used by Sociologist Judy Singer in 1998. She, like many other sociologists and neuroscientists, wanted a term that could be used for individuals’ whose brains unction atypically (differently) than neurotypical brains. Each brain functions in its own way, but 80% of the populations brains function very similarly — or “neurotypically.”

What Does Neurodivergent Mean?

Neurodivergent is a person whose brain functions differently than the 80% majority of the “neurotypical” population. Simply put, neurodivergent peoples brains process information differently.

Am I Neurodivergent?

Neurodivergent is an “umbrella term” for those whose brains function differently, and often there are no “symptoms” or characteristics that would make a person’s neurodivergence apparent. However, there are a number of medical conditions that affect the brain processes and inherently make a person neurodivergent.

Autism, Autism-Spectrum Disorders, and Neurodivergence

Autistic Children at all spectrum levels are neurodivergent, in-that their brains function differently than the 80% majority of “Neurotypicals.” Those with Autism-Spectrum disorder often suffer from less intense symptoms of autism, though their brains still function differently — placing them in the neurodivergent category.

Not all neurodivergents suffer from a medical condition or autism, but a high number of those with autism are neurodivergents. It is important to remember that neurodivergence is not a handicap or mental/physical malady, but simply a brain that functions differently than most.

Neurodivergence is on a spectrum, just like autism — and the spectrum goes from mild to severe. Some neurodivergents find little-to-no impact on their daily life, while others find that it causes great impact on their daily lives.

ADD, ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder & Neurodivergence

Is ADHD Neurodivergent? Yes! ADD and ADHD are neurodevelopmental disorders (disorders that first appear during the development of the brain). These disorders lead to neurodivergence in ADD/ADHD sufferers — sometimes extreme neurodivergence, and other times the neurodivergence is very slight and not readily noticeable.

Again, there is nothing “wrong” or “problematic” with the way ADD/ADHD sufferers brains — they just function differently than what is considered “normal” by sociological “Standards.”

What Conditions are Included in Neurodiversity?

There are a number of medical conditions that cause greater instances of neurodiversity, including:

- Autism
- Autism-Spectrum Disorder
- Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)
- Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD)
- Bipolar Disorder (BPD)
- Dyscalculia
- Dyslexia
- Dyspraxia
- Developmental Coordination Disorder (DCD)
- Dysgraphia
- Misophonia
- Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
- Prader-Willi Syndrome
- Slow processing speed
- Social Anxiety Disorder
- Stammering
- Tourette’s syndrome
- Williams Syndrome

Is BPD Neurodivergent?

Experts don’t officially recognize Bipolar Disorder (BPD) as a neurodivergent condition, but many Bipolar Disorder sufferers are neurodivergent. Experts argue that too many BPD sufferers align more with neurotypicals versus neurodivergents for BPD itself to a neurodivergent condition.

However, that separation is typical of neurodiversity – the neurodiversity can be tied to a medical condition or not. Neurodiversity is its own condition separate from all other conditions, even though it often accompanies other conditions like autism at a higher rate.

Neurodivergent Examples

Examples are the best way to communicate the complexities of some neurodivergence cases. Examples of famous neurodivergents examples to illustrate the point give a better understanding of the idea.

Famous Neurodivergent People

- Animal Scientist: Temple Grandin
- Actor: Sir Anthony Hopkins
- Artist: Vincent Van Gogh
- Inventor: Nikola Tesla
- Author: F. Scott Fitzgerald
- Activist: Greta Thunberg
- Scientist: Sir Isaac Newton
- Director: Tim Burton
- Scientist: Alan Turing
- Artist: Michelangelo
- Poet: William Butler Yeats
- Author: Hans Christian Anderson
- Founding Father: Thomas Jefferson
- Comedian: Jerry Seinfeld
- Founder of IKEA: Ingvar Kamprad
- Poet: Emily Dickenson
- Actor: Ryan Gosling
- Actor: Dan Ackroyd
- Actress: Liv Tyler
- And: More…

Do Neurodivergents Face More Struggles Than Neurotypicals?

We live in a neurotypical society, with standards that are literally set in stone and steel. People are told and expected to act in a very certain way. This works fine for the 80% majority of the population that is neurotypical, but can cause issues for those who are neurodivergent.

Social anxiety and awkwardness are only the minor struggles a neurodivergent may find when navigating the Neurotypical “real world.” School, work, and social functions seems to be where neurodivergents struggle the most — since these three institutions are all about “fitting in” to a predetermined criteria. While many neurodivergents overcome these obstacles or their neurodivergent minds find comfort working through the challenges, many others let themselves get overcome by the anxiety and challenges.

Nurturing Neurodivergent Children and Adults

It is so important to nurture neurodivergent minds all throughout life. Neurodivergent minds become the great thinkers of our generations, if nurtured properly. This means telling neurodivergents that their minds are precious gifts, not impairments, and encouraging them to follow their education, dreams, and goals.

Therapy and Counseling for Neurodivergent Children and Adults

Therapy and counseling to help through mental health challenges, anxiety and depression is all about working through the processes of the mind. This is why it is critical that a neurodivergent’s therapist understands that he/she/they are neurodivergent and understands how to treat someone a neurodivergent mind.

Therapy For Neurodivergents in Arizona

The Arizona Relationship Institute and our therapists have a deep understanding of diversity in people and their minds. We are neurodiversity-informed and can treat adults, children, and families with both neurotypical and neurodivergent minds.

March 5, 2024March 3, 2024

How To Rebuild Trust in a Relationship

After you have lost trust in a person, it is difficult to regain trust. You will likely lose trust in both the person and in other people. You may even second guess yourself or question everything you believe. So how do you get over betrayal, loss of trust, and trust issues?

Tips for Re-Building Trust

You have to trust that the ground will stay under you while you walk, otherwise you will die where you are sitting. You cannot live without trusting in various certainties to the world around you. The number 1 key to rebuilding trust is to slowly allow yourself to be more vulnerable to trusting in others.

Actions That Cause A Loss Of Trust in Another Person

It is important to start with a list of common actions that cause hurt and distrust in others. Many people plead ignorance when confronted with their actions that have hurt others, so it is important to establish these actions as hurtful and will likely cause distrust in relationships both intimate and platonic.

Lying – Lying is the biggest action that causes a loss of trust, because a lie is taking advantage of trust. White lies can also cause a loss of trust because it gives a person a reason to second guess another’s actions, intent, and the information relayed.

Withholding the Truth — Purposefully withholding the truth, or not telling a person certain things can also cause a person to lose trust just like a lie. The intent to disinform, or misinform causes the same feelings of betrayal as lies do. Even if you are lying or withholding information in an attempt to shield a person or protect them, the betrayal of the lie or withholding the truth is painful and causes a loss of trust.

Cheating — Both friends and lovers can feel “cheated-on” by other people.

Platonic Infidelity – Friends can feel a loss of trust in another friend from “cheating” behaviors such as:

- - - Not being included in certain groups – (not being invite when other friends are around – even when trying to protect a person or “keep peace,” the omission / lack of invitation can be seen as “cheating” or platonic infidelity.)
    - Acting Different in Certain Groups – If someone treats you differently depending on the other people that are around, this can be hurtful and cause a loss of trust for what a person says or how they act in all situations.
    - Betraying Trust / Secrecy — Telling other people secrets that were told in confidence can cause a person to lose trust.
    - Taking Another Person’s Side in Personal Criticism — often, friends will feel a hurt or loss of trust when being criticized by a 3rd person and the friend agrees or takes the 3P’ side.

Sexual and Romantic Infidelity – this is the common form of infidelity most are familiar-with. Cheating can be flirting, kissing, hugging, engaging in intimate conversations, fantasizing about cheating, sexual activity, and other intimate acts.

Re-Building Trust After Lying

Depending on the lie-told, the seriousness of trust issues can vary. Assuming the lie was a very serious, large, earth-shattering lie, rebuilding trust in others depends on the severity of the trauma caused on the psyche of the person with lost trust.

The Trauma of Being Lied-To

Trauma is the root cause of a number of mental health conditions, including depression, anxiety, and betrayal. Betraying a person’s trust can cause a number of traumatic symptoms, the most common is a adopting a mistrust of others. In order to maintain a healthy social psyche, an individual must get over trust issues that negatively impact their day-to-day life.

Survivor Mentality for Overcoming Betrayal

We get over betrayal because we “have-to!” it is a fact of life, and something that must be overcome if we are to survive in our world. How long it takes a person to overcome that betrayal is the one factor that is on a sliding scale, though. A person can suffer with mistrust and distrust issues for years before finally getting-over trust issues, or succumbing to a number of dangers that away a person who cannot trust others.

Getting Over Cheating and Betrayal

Again, we overcome cheating and betrayal, because we need-to. Living in a lonely world where you cannot trust others or let another person be intimate with you is miserable. In order to love and be loved by another person, you have to open-up to that person, allow them into your life fully, and trust that person.

Yes, you could be opening yourself-up to the hurt and betrayal again if the person you let-in betrays you. But, there is no love without vulnerability.

Learning To Be Vulnerable After Trust Issues

Learning how to be vulnerable after trauma, betrayal, and loss of trust is an uphill battle, but that is why therapists employ a number of therapy types (CBT, DBT, EMDR, etc.) to break-down the natural self defense mechanisms the damaged mind puts-up.

Working with a therapist can help you to strengthen your own mind, soul, and psyche — removing anxiety, fears, and self esteem issues that hold you back in your thoughts and actions. A therapist builds your mind into that of a fighter, who doesn’t shy away from a mental play-fight that lovers and friends often engage-in. With a renewed confidence and positive attitude, those with trust issues are eager to work at regaining trust in people and in love and in human caring.

Cheating and Betrayal Therapy in Arizona

Our therapists at The Arizona Relationship Institute work with many individuals and couples that have experienced cheating, infidelity and betrayal. Not only have our therapists successfully helped those who have been betrayed to trust others again, but our couples therapy for infidelity sessions have helped serial cheaters and those who have betrayed their partner understand the hurt they have caused and reverse their behaviors.

Couples Therapy in Arizona

If you and your partner have experienced past infidelity and are looking to re-build trust and strengthen your relationship, we suggest signing up for our FREE 15 Minute Consultation. The consultation will familiarize you with our therapy standards, and whether we may be able to help your relationship.

March 1, 2024March 2, 2024

Using Couples Therapy as a Marriage Coach

Too many couples wait until it is too late to seek help with their relationship problems. Like any problem; the longer you ignore the problem the worse it becomes, and the harder it is to fix it. The best relationship advice a therapist can give is to work on the little problems and solve them together, before those little issues grow into bigger, unreconcilable differences.

When is the Best Time to Seek Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling?

At the earliest signs that there is an issue. When your opinion of your relationship goes from a positive view to a negative one, this is the point where a person can get mentally disillusioned. At this point it is important to ensure that both individuals are engaged in the relationships and committed to growing the relationships together.

Is it too early in the relationship to suggest couples therapy and counseling?

No, it is never too early. Yes, many couples wait until the problems become too big to ignore to seek couples therapy; but most couples take a proactive approach to their relationships and try to strengthen and grow their relationship from the early stages.

Couples Therapy to Strengthen and Grow Relationships

AZRI offers Couples Therapy to Strengthen and Grow Relationships because this is the best way to build a relationship that can withstand the test of time, and not crumble under the weight of any future marital or relationship problems.

You cannot foretell what future weather disasters are going to happen where you live, so you build a strong home to withstand fire, flood, winds, and other problems that are out of your control. This is exactly how you should also build your relationship.

How to Build a Relationship

First, you must be ready and committed to building your relationship and doing the work that it takes to strengthen the bonds between you and your partner. Building a relationship is much like building muscle by exercise. You must strengthen the small, individual strands that make up the muscle mass – this means strengthening the small bonds between you and your partner.

Accept Small Relationship Challenges

Exercise is a test, and so are the exercises that test the bonds of relationships. Challenge yourself and your partner to endure the tougher aspects of the relationships.

Relationship Tests

Meeting Family — Are you nervous about meeting each others parents? Don’t avoid the test, embrace it and see it as a wonderful exercise to test your bonds. Dive into the situation together as a couple; face the challenges that come from first meetings and introductions and strive to get through the challenge as best as you (both) can as a couple.

Explore Each Others Interests — you and your partner are not going to be into the same things; you will each have your own hobbies, likes, dislikes, and activities. This is a point where weak individuals can let their partners differences get to them, or where a schism between your personalities can occur. Even if you don’t particularly like or share an interest-in your partner’s likes and hobbies, you should respect their interests and learn how to allow your partner their own personal “things” (likes, hobbies, goals, etc.)

If you and your partner’s differences in interests cause you strife or are too much to get over,” then you have just discovered a “weak point” in the relationship. This weak point can either be dealt with and fixed early in the relationship; or. if allowed to linger, it can eventually be a failure point — causing the relationship to crumble later.

Overcoming Time Apart from Your Partner — some people let their negative feelings and thoughts overcome them, when they are “alone” or without their partner for extended periods of time. Your partner is your “rock” and your support system, but it is a great test of your relationship to see how you function apart for a short period of time. Distance should make the heart grow fonder, and the time apart should strengthen your bonds.

If the time apart brings you to desire other things (goals, qualities from your partner, experiences), then this is a great point where you can together decide whether the relationship can survive these desires for change. Again, this test can discover a weak point in the relationship that can either 1.) be repaired, or 2.) cause both partners to re-evaluate their long term goals for the relationship.

Marriage Coaching for Relationship Tests

A coach is simply someone who brings out the best in you and your actions. A Marriage coach is someone whose input and insight will help you and your partner to engage in relationship tests to bring out the best in you as a couple and in your relationship actions.

Marriage coaches can help in two ways: A.) Proactive Marital Coaching, and B.) Remedial Marital Coaching.

Proactive Marital Coaching

A Proactive Marital Coach works on a healthy relationship, before any major relationship problems arise, with the goal of strengthening and making the relationship bonds better.

Remedial Marital Coaching

A Remedial Marital Coach works on a relationship that is in trouble, where major relationship problems are arising, and with the coal of saving the relationship from ending.

Proactive marriage coaches can help to relieve issues between partners that may eventually evolve into relationship-ending issues. These proactive marriage coaches also help to keep the relationship in a healthy state by challenging the couples with healthy relationship tests whenever the relationship gets “stale” or if the stability of the relationship begins to waver.

Finding Arizona Marriage Coaches

All of our Couples Therapists at AZRI are well-versed in the practices of marriage coaching. It is the overall goal for a couples therapist to strengthen all relationships — even during “Discernment Therapy” where the goal is to END a relationship on “Good Terms.” Our Arizona Marriage Coaches and Couples Therapists can help couples to sort through the noise in a relationship and discover the true underlying problems . Together with your Marriage Coach, couples either strengthen their relationships and become committed to saving the marriage, or will prove that their problems are truly irreconcilable.

February 27, 2024February 27, 2024

What Are The Different Types of Sex Addictions?

When discussing sex addiction, therapists look to find the source of the compulsion for sex. Why is a sex addict so compelled to seek pleasure in sex that he or she is willing to engage in unhealthy or dangerous behaviors. Therapists often find that both males and females with sex addictions fall into 6 categories or types of sex addicts.

What Are The Different Types of Sex Addictions?

Biological Sex Addicts

This type of sex addict is naturally-born with a biologic component that causes the sex addiction. It is important to note that zero psychological or sexual trauma has occurred in these individuals. This category includes those who have neuro-conditioned themselves steadily into the state of sex addiction.

Abuse and Neglect Sex Addicts

Abandonment, abuse, and neglect issues from past experiences form the basis of these types of sex addicts, and it is the most common type of sex addict. Therapists estimate that 80% of sex addicts have had some form of abuse or neglect in their past that causes the root basis of their sex addiction.

Spiritual Sex Addicts

These types of sex addicts are looking for spirituality through sex. We all have a spiritual appetite that needs to be sated from time to time (church, getting outdoors, philosophical journeys, sabbaticals, truth-seeking, mind-expansion, spiritual awakenings, etc.)

A Spiritual Sex Addict is “looking for a spiritual connection in all the wrong places.” This type of sex addict may also be more attracted to trying to connect with another spirit sexually, even for a moment.

Trauma-Based Sex Addicts

Males and females who have experienced sexual trauma as a child or adolescent usually display behavior typical of Trauma-Based Sex Addicts. Whatever the sexual trauma situation that occurred in the past, the addict tends to fantasize about this or seek to reenact the traumatic situations.

Intimacy Sex Addicts

Intimacy Sex Addicts can fall into two groups:

Intimacy Sex Addicts – who are seeking intimacy through free patterns of sex or dangerous sexual behaviors.

Intimacy Anorexia Sex Addicts – A term coined by Dr Doug Weiss, “Intimacy Anorexia” refers to a person who has chosen to withhold intimacy from a partner. This type of person may completely withhold sex from their spouse or proper partner, while cheating and displaying free patterns of sex or dangerous sexual behaviors with others.

Mood Disorder Sex Addicts

An existing mental health condition of a mood disorder can cause a person to self-medicate with sex. Sex creates a powerful release of endorphins and other “Feel good” chemicals in the brain. A person can try to self medicate themselves or “feel better” with sex — even if only for a few moments at a time.

Can You Get Addicted to Sex, Like a Drug?

Yes. Those with opioid use disorder, alcohol use disorder, and other substance abuse disorders are simply using other substances to trigger the euphoric chemical releases in the brain. You are just using different stimuli each time to produce a similar effect.

Chemical dependency, however, is different than sex addiction. A chemical dependency is when a drug or alcohol has been used for so long, the body cannot function normally without it. A sex addiction is purely a psychological addiction, even though a sex addict can show signs of “Withdrawal” (hormonal imbalance) if abruptly quitting sex after frequent ejaculation, orgasm, and “release.”

Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder

Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD) is a term that many psychologists and medical professionals use to describe many of the forms of sex addiction.

What Are The Symptoms of Sex Addiction?

Loss of Control : The first word: “Compulsive ” is key — it infers a complete “loss of control.” This loss of control or no control over your sexual desires and behavior is what sets sex addiction apart from just hypersexuality and mild preoccupation with sex.

Extreme Preoccupation with Sex: The second point that defines CSBD is that the preoccupation with sex is “extreme” or intense, inferring that it is disruptive. If the preoccupation with sex is enough to disrupt one’s daily life, this sets it apart as sex addiction rather than just mild hypersexuality.

Compulsive & Impulsive Sexual Behavior: Impulsive sexual behaviors you “jump into without really thinking about it.” Compulsive sexual behaviors recur in patterns, like repetitive sexual behaviors in cycles. The cycles can even include periods of abstinence with feelings of shame or regret, before the patters starts over again.

Dangerous Sexual Behavior and Negative Consequences: The most important point that defines a sex addiction is engaging in dangerous sexual behaviors that hold negative consequences, but the compulsion or impulsion to engage is too strong to resist. There are too many negative consequences that can come from these risky behaviors to name them all (STDs, Getting involved with dangerous people, putting yourself in dangerous situations, etc.).

Do I Need Sex Addiction Therapy?

This is a tough question to ask ourselves, but we need to be honest with ourselves when asking it, because it will decide your fate. Ask yourself these questions honestly to see if you need a sex addiction test:

Am I Okay With My Sexual Identity? You should easily answer yes. A yes quick yes answer shows confidence and a lack of shame. If thinking about your sexual identity causes confusion, negative thoughts or emotions, shame, sadness, depression, regret, or other negative feelings, then there may be deeper issues you should explore with your therapist.

Have I Ever Experienced Negative Life Consequences from Sex? Any negative experience is going to leave a mark on your psyche for long time unless it is dealt with and overcome. A yes answer on this question does not necessarily mean you need sex therapy or have a sex addiction, but these negative experiences in the past can often lead to negative views on sex and negative patterns of sexual behavior later in life.

Have I Ever Experienced a Traumatic Sexual Experience? Yes, this includes past sexual abuse, but it goes deeper than that. Body shaming, awkward sexual encounters, “slut-shaming”, being called a “prude”, sexual gossip about you, online bullying and harassment: all of these can be considered traumatic past experiences of a sexual nature, and can have profound impact on your identity and mental health. Again, a yes answer does not necessarily signify a serious problem, but should be considered in your overall sexual-mental health.

Sex Addiction Quiz

Below are questions that are based on the Sexual Addiction Screening Test (SAST) and can help you and your sex addiction therapist determine the need for sex addiction therapy.

1. 1. Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts? [Preoccupied]
  2. Do you hide some of your sexual behavior from others? [Ashamed]
  3. Have you ever sought help for sexual behavior you did not like? [Treatment]
  4. Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behavior? [Hurt others]
  5. Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire?
    [Out of control]
  6. When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?
    [Sad]

Answering “Yes” to 3 or more of these questions is a standard concern for sex addiction. However, in our opinion, if you answered yes to even 1 or more of these questions there is a legitimate therapeutic concern. It is important to ensure that any adverse past experience that could lead to sex addiction be a “closed case,” that no longer concerns you in your day-to-day life.

Sex Addiction Therapy in Arizona

If the world was becoming hypersexualized in the 1970s, its current state should be considered “terminally hypersexualized” in 2024. An extinction-level sexualization of every aspect of life has taken place and many are confused as to what constitutes normal, healthy sexual behavior anymore.

If ever there was a need for sex therapy, it is in 2024. Pornography addiction and extreme sexual behaviors are very prevalent today. Addiction to masturbation is also a big concern and can cause intimacy issues and issues with your partner. With this many stimuli out there for triggering sex addiction, no one should feel ashamed for wanting to therapeutically address your thoughts and behaviors.