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What Are The Four Horsemen of Bad Relationship Communication Habits?

 

When speaking with a relationship counselor, the therapist may mention “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” They are referring to the  4 toxic communication habits that hurt relationships — not to the biblical harbingers of doom. This article is designed to educate you about the 4 horsemen, so you understand what your counselor or therapist is talking about…

Dr. John Gottman

Dr. John Gottman studied couples and how they approach issues in their relationship in a groundbreaking study in 1984. Based on what he observed, he categorized couples into those who were able to “Master” their problems, and those whose relationships turned into “Disasters.”

Masters and Disasters of Relationships

Dr Gottman studied the communication styles of couples and was able identify 4 behaviors in the “Disasters” group that all shared:

      • Criticism
      • Defensiveness
      • Contempt
      • Stonewalling

By simply looking for these 4 communication styles, Dr Gottman was able to accurately predict (within 90%) which couples would not be able to work-out their problems, and would end their relationship in a divorce or separation.

Further, Gottman found that helping couples to intervene in these 4 negative behaviors would increase the likelihood that the problems would be worked-out and the couple would stay together. He found that these four horsemen indicated the 4 points of communication that make-or-break the relationship. Couples that master these points can overcome even the bleakest of situations. — while those that let these points overcome them, end in disaster.

Criticism Between Couples

It is important to understand the difference between a “complaint,” and a “criticism.” A complaint – is something (like an annoying behavior or action) that partner points-out to another, with the hopes of fixing it together. A criticism is usually not specific to one action or behavior that is used more as an attack than pointing-out to help fix it.

The best example that everyone can understand, is a local store that you have shopped at for a while. As time goes by and your relationship with this store changes, you might have complaints or criticisms.

EXAMPLE #1: A Company

Example of a Complaint:

Your store used to offer loyalty rewards points, where I would get my 10th cup of coffee for free. You don’t do that anymore, and I really miss it. Will you be bringing it back?

Example of a Criticism:

This store has gone downhill! Don’t you even care about your customers anymore? I much prefer the way it used to be. I hope the management gets it together soon, or I will not be shopping here anymore!

EXAMPLE #2: A Person

Example of a Complaint:

You used to come home and kiss me first thing when you got home. Now you come home and the first thing you do is unload your problems from the day on me.  That snowballs into the rest of the night being about our problems and not about us. Maybe we should try to change our first priority in the evenings, and that will help the rest of our issues.

Example of a Criticism:

You’ve changed! Your not the same person you used to be any I don’t like who you are turning into. All you care-about and focus-on is our problems. I can’t keep going on this way and I don’t want to live like this with you.

With the above examples, it is clear to see how your attitude toward the situation can how you communicate can completely change the likely outcome. There are problems in every relationship, and couples need to address those problems; but, if you choose to communicate your issues as a criticism instead of a complaint, you will likely make the problem worse.

Defensiveness Between Couples

Everyone has the right to defend themselves, but much like “Complaint VS Criticism,” there is a right way and wrong way to go about it. Interestingly enough, the First Horsemen (Criticism) also usually leads to the Second Horsemen (Defensiveness). This creates a cycle that the couple cannot seem to get out of — a criticism leads to a defense and/or a criticism back at the other.

The best way to avoid defensiveness is to avoid criticism. However, once the fight has been started, it takes 2 cool heads to prevail, and both need to back down from their positions atop the first two horsemen. Otherwise, it will continue on its cycle between the two until one or both unleash the Third Horseman: Contempt.

Contempt Between Couples

This is a scary place for people to reach — and often the point where couples reach out to a Couples Therapist. The definition of “Contempt” says it all…

“Contempt: the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn.”

Contempt is actually a natural reaction when we feel we have been attacked. It not a good feeling or a positive reaction, but it is a natural defense mechanism, nonetheless.

Contempt for our partners and the ones we care-for is not good, however. And the situation needs to be dismantled just like a ticking time bomb — before it dismantles the relationship.

When couples have contempt for one another, the criticisms and attacks continue. You will often hear couples say things like, “He/she doesn’t care about me anyway so I am doing what I need to do  focusing on myself, and doing what makes me happy.”  – This statement is stuffed full of criticism, defensiveness, attack AND places the partner as worthless and beneath their happiness.

The best way to avoid contempt in a relationship is to once-again avoid the first horseman: Criticism. Work on the problems at their roots — don’t wait until the blossom into a thorny bush, deeply anchored.

Stonewalling Between Couples

At this point the arguments and relationship is almost not salvageable. Stonewalling is when a person “shuts down” and refuses to acknowledge the situation or respond. They sit there, like a stone wall, and let words just bounce right off of them. Again, this is another natural defense mechanism — that the body triggers to avoid further stress on the body and mind.

Stonewalling happens in the short-term and the long-term. During an argument or an intense conversation, a person might shut down temporarily to avoid furthering the argument. However, stonewalling can happen in the long-term as well. This is when huge problems are living just below surface of the relationship, but one or both partners refuse to acknowledge them or bring them up again. The problems have not been addressed or solved, but hidden away while to couple keeps living day-to-day.

Why Do Some People Refuse to Believe Their Partner is Cheating on them?

An example of long-term stonewalling is when 1 partner is cheating, or having multiple affairs, and the other partner refuses to believe it or refuses to address the problem — hoping that the relationship can be saved and go on by pretending the problems don’t exist. This refusal to believe their partner is cheating is simply them stonewalling themselves.

Avoiding the Four Horsemen of Relationship Problems

As we have said multiple times in this article — the best way to avoid any and all of the 4 horsemen is to avoid the first horsemen: Criticism. Criticism in a relationship is like poison. This is easier-said-than-done, however. And this is why we strongly recommend couples therapy when couples get into problems that they cannot work out themselves. Most often, it is the four horsemen that are making their issues “unresolvable.” Therapists are trained to look for these negative behaviors and communication styles, and can help both partners to learn what they are and learn how to avoid them.

Tips for Better Co-Parenting: From Co-Parenting Counseling Professionals

 

Divorce rates are high across the United States, and many couples with children are separating or divorcing. When a couple with children decide to separate they often are so caught up in their own problems that that the thoughts and feelings of the children often become secondary.

A strong focus on co-parenting teaches parents to consider the thoughts and feelings of children when making family decisions with outcomes that also affect the children.

How Do We Define “Co-Parenting”?

There are many views on what co-parenting truly is, but co-parenting’s most basic definition is simply 1 or more parents working together for the benefit of a child or children. “Working for the benefit of the child”, being the main point  of co-parenting, parents often need to learn how to put their own wants and needs behind what is best for the benefit of the child or children.

Co-Parenting and Divorced Parents

The most popular view of co-parenting is that of divorced parents working together to raise their children. This easy to understand and relatable situation sees parents setting aside their differences for the benefit of the children. (Think “Mrs. Doubtfire” and other stories that illustrate the need for parents to get over their fighting in order to be better parents to their children).

Can Married Couples Benefit from Co-Parenting Counseling?

Yes! Often simply referred to as “Family Therapy” or “Family Counseling,” families with un-divorced parents can also benefit from the teachings of co parenting therapy. Sometimes even married couples have differences in opinions when it comes to how to raise a child, or what is expected from the children. When the differences of opinions are un-resolvable, parents seek help from family counselors and co-parenting therapists for help to mediate.

 

Tips for Better Co-Parenting:

Talk, Communicate & Plan – you and your co-parent won’t always agree on everything, but communicating and planning help you to bridge the gaps where you don’t see eye-to-eye. Talk through the differences — use communication as your tool to set aside the issues and focus on the goal: provide the best opportunities possible for your child. With the goal in-mind, and with effective communication, parents can get past any impasse.

Really Listen to What Your Children Say – A child’s mind works more simply than an adult’s, but that does not make them ignorant to what is happening in their lives and what their parents are discussing and acting-out. You should never discount what a child has to say about a situation or a family decision. In fact, it is usually the adults that over-complicate and make situations more complex, while children often have simpler views.

Acknowledge Real World Examples – The world is full of people who are products of their parents decisions. We can see the effects of parenting decisions every day. Sometimes the examples are too real or disturbing for us to bear, so we ignore them. (e.g. acknowledge the statistical issues that children face with limited visitation of a parent, before making a decision that removes/limits a parent’s custody).

Come Together As Strong Parents – Parents should have solidarity in their decisions and actions. If your child is pushing back, or testing the limits of your parental powers, you and your co-parent need to combine powers and stand together firmly. Parents divided against themselves can’t stand together. Unite for the benefit of your child.

Don’t Allow Your Fears and Anxieties Reproduce in Your Children – Many parents are too afraid to say something to their children, or are anxious about telling the truth. This is common in families with more traditional religious or societal values (Parents afraid to answer questions about sexuality from their kids). What you tell your kids is up to you… but don’t run away from their questions. Fear and anxiety is like a virus and your kids can develop fears and anxieties about certain topics, subjects, or their own feelings if they recognize this fear in their parents.

Professionalism as a Parent – When you are dealing with a difficult client or customer at work, you put on a business “hat” or “persona”. You speak politely, softly, and empathetically, working towards a common goal. This is exactly how parents that don’t get along need to act when co-parenting. Set aside your differences and get the job done.

Scheduling Tips for Co-Parenting – Most often, one parent is more organized and better at scheduling and planning than the other. Use each other strengths to work together! Don’t see this as a difference between you, show your child how human beings work together with strengths to overcome weaknesses and get better. Teach your child a positive lesson, instead of being critical of another’s strengths and weaknesses.

Make Sure Your Child Has a Healthy Personal Space – This is all too important; especially when a child is moved between 2 homes. A child needs to have his/her special personal space. A place where they feel comfortable with themselves, away from each parent. It might be as simple as their room or a place in the yard, or maybe at Grandma’s house, or at the library. Children need a safe place that they can “recognize” as their own. The importance of this can be lost in the shuffle between houses, sometimes. Remember to allow your child to be able to personalize their space, or have a space that they can call their own and allow their creativities to run free. Children who don’t have a personal space of their own often seek this out in negative actions (drugs and  alcohol), or at a friend’s house or personal space.

 

The Most Important Tip for Co-Parenting

Easily, the most important tip for parents who are separated, divorced, and/or co-parenting is to keep respect for each other as parents.

Keep Respect for Each Other As Co Parents

Couples don’t get along all the time. This is 100% normal. Human beings don’t get along all the time. Human beings can even fight or hurt the ones we love… we are a complex mess. Respect for each other is what holds the whole mess together. Mutual respect is what keeps some married couples together for over 50 years, and is what builds strong families.

Divorced and Separated couples can pass the value of respect to their children, which is one of the most priceless gifts a parent can give.

With respect, you can start co parenting and being friends again.

Why You Should Respect Your Co Parent

You should respect the mother of your child, because she is the mother of your child. This great miracle alone commands the respect of the father. Likewise, you should respect the father of your child, because he is the father of your child. Without the father, there is no child and no miracle. You two have come-together from across the universe to create this miracle and let it grow and learn.

The great miracles of motherhood and fatherhood go beyond our understanding, and sometimes we need to step back and look at the miracle when we get too caught up in the “small stuff.”

The Arizona Relationship Institute offers Co-Parenting Classes and Therapy in Mesa, Arizona.

 

How Faith-Based Couples Therapy Can Help Your Relationship

 

How Faith-Based Couples Therapy Can Help Your Relationship

The benefits of faith-based couples therapy are miraculous, and it is no wonder that the institution of marriage has its roots in a number of different religions. Whether Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Atheist, or Agnostic, every soul on earth can benefit from couples therapy that draws from faith and spirituality.

All couples are invited to bring their own beliefs and spiritual ideas to to a faith-based couples therapy session; the point is not to press religious teachings or values on a person, but rather to educate couples on what different faiths say about relationships and relationship problems.

Faith-Based Couples Counseling Offers Thousands Of Years of Experience

Religious scriptures (like the Bible, The Talmud, or Quran) are the main source of what we know about the lives of people who lived hundreds or thousands of years ago.  These books tell parables and stories about problems that people faced throughout history, including marital issues, infertility issues, jealousy issues, cheating spouses, and betrayal.

Nothing New Under The Sun

“Nothing New Under the Sun” is a phrase that simply means anything a person can think or do as already been done by another human being before them. Even though it feels like we are the first and only ones to experience our problems in love and loss, every aspect of every possible relationship has already happened to someone before.

So, when it comes to your own situation, it helps to recognize there is nothing new under the sun, and another relationship has experienced the exact same issues as yours. This is a good thing — this means that a solution and process to get you to that solution has already been invented. These processes are called faith-based couples counseling techniques.

Faith-Based Couples Counseling for Grief and Loss

We often turn to faith and spirituality in times of grief and loss, because grief transcends our daily understanding of the world. Grief reminds us of the fragility of life, and how quickly it can be lost.

When a person has lost someone close to them — through death, mental illness, or through separation — it hurts. The pain is mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual. This pain and trauma must be treated mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Those who heal physically and mentally, but fail to heal spiritually, may leave an open wound that causes pain or negative issues later in life.

Helping to bring spiritual closure to people in times of extreme grief is the main job of a Faith Based Couples Counselor.

Faith-Based Couples Counseling for Life Changing Events

There are a lot of life changing events that come throughout the phases of life. Remember, there is nothing new under the sun, and someone else has been through the exact situation before. Therefore, we can learn valuable lessons from those who came before us.

    • Birth of a First Child
    • Growing Family
    • Relationship Issues With In-Laws
    • Relationship and Money Issues
    • A Family’s Big Move
    • Changing a Job or Career Path
    • Kids Moving Away
    • Divorce or Separation
    • Transitioning to Retirement
    • Death or Loss

For all of the above situations, there are also stories of spiritual guidance from our ancestors. Many written years ago, some written more recently, but all timeless in their validity to relationships.

Faith-Based Couples Counseling for Interfaith Couples

We all have different beliefs and creeds, which is a beautiful freedom that allows us to live our lives in a way that makes sense to us, and brings us fulfilment.

Even those of us in the closest of relationships will have different ideas and beliefs when it comes to spirituality and philosophy; but, it is important to not let these differences drive a wedge between us. That wedge will grow and separate close couples before they even realize what is happening.

When couples have a hard time dealing with life changing events, the spiritual differences may be too much to bear, and could prove to be the proverbial ‘straw that breaks the camel’s back.’ These couples desperately need the help of Interfaith Couples Counseling.

Interfaith Couples Counseling is provided by a therapist that helps both individuals in the relationship to sort through religious differences and differences of faith and practice (as they relate to the couple’s relationship and surrounding issues).

How The Arizona Relationship Institute Helps Couples with Faith-Based Therapy

At AZRI, we specialize in relationship therapy and the complex issues surrounding couples and their lives together. Faith, spirituality, religious upbringing, social customs, and practices play a much larger part in our lives than we realize — especially in relationships and marriages.

Our therapists are all from diverse backgrounds and spiritual beliefs, and have a wealth of education and experience that allows us to help couples with a wide range of issues and concerns. As the saying goes. “There’s nothing new under the sun…” Let us help you to understand how that saying can help you and your significant other.

How To Deal with Jealousy in a Relationship

 

How To Deal with Jealousy in a Relationship

Jealousy can be one of the biggest issues and tests in an intimate relationship. One person’s jealousy can put strain on a relationship, just as the other person’s reaction to the jealousy can cause further issues. These issues of jealousy often cause one or both partners to question the foundation of their relationship and seek counseling for jealousy issues.

What is Jealousy?

There are 3 common “definitions” or meanings for the word “Jealousy.”

    1.  “hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage” (ENVY)
    2.  “intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness” / “disposed to suspect rivalry or unfaithfulness” (RELATIONSHIPS)
    3.  “vigilant in guarding a possession” (SAFE IN ASSUMPTION / GUARD)

SOURCE: Merriam-Webster Definitions for The Word Jealous

What Does the Bible Say About Jealousy?

The bible speaks more on “Envy” than “Jealousy”, that is to say the first definition for the word jealousy. The bible calls “Envy” a mortal sin because it causes hostility and rivalry. Envy is considered a reaction a person has to another person’s possessions, family, or perceived advantages.

See Another: Resource on “Jealousy in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints”

Why is The Bible Important When Talking About Jealousy?

We mention the biblical definitions of jealousy and the 3 different definitions for a very good reason… there are 3 different types of jealousy and the circumstances around them differ greatly. When speaking about jealousy in a relationship, one must speak about the traditional views on monogamy, which are also rooted in biblical tradition.

Is There A Good Kind of Jealousy?

Merriam-Webster’s 3rd Definition for “Jealousy” is about as close to a “Good” kind of jealousy as you can get.  This version of the word was much more common in past centuries, but can still be understood today by the quote by Scott Buchanan – “…new colonies were jealous of their new independence.”

The above quote give a “justification” for jealousy, and is more likened to the word “Prideful” — though, in the use of the word like this, a strong defense (of the possession / object of desire and jealousy) is implied.

Misunderstanding of the Definition of Jealousy Itself Causes Relationship Issues

Which of the 3 definitions do you think of when you hear the word “Jealousy?” This varies drastically between different people, and the most confusion lies between 1 person who believes their jealousy is “Good Jealousy” (Definition #3, prideful and ready to defend your possessions, family, object of jealousy), and another person who believes the jealousy to be more of definition 1 or 2 (not valiant, but envious or overly suspicious).

With this simple misunderstanding or miscommunication on how one defines their own (Jealous) actions, 2 people can quickly feel like they don’t understand each other.

Just Because One Person Believes Their (Jealous) Actions Are Valiant or Warranted, Does Not Mean They Truly Are

1 single person can also misunderstand their own jealousy, believing they are being noble, valiant, sticking up for the relationship and their partner, and still be acting out feelings of hostility and (bad) jealousy. Humans are complex emotional machines, with lots of quirks like this.

Insecurity and Jealousy

Jealousy that stems from your own insecurity or lack of self confidence is an example of the most negative forms of jealousy. The problem does not lie in your partner or perceived threats from others, but the problem lives inside you. Until you face the problem and fix it inside yourself, this type of jealousy is like a poison that will rot away at your own sanity and happiness until it ruins the relationship as well.

How to Overcome Insecurity and Jealousy

Insecurity can be overcome, and you can be confident and happy. At this point, jealousy issues seem to dissolve away, because they no longer matter. The only problem is that it is a problem that lives inside you and only you can take the steps to fix it. Many cannot get themselves going toward building their own confidents, and end up stuck in a rut. Working with a therapist can help you to build confidence and sort through the issues that accompany lack of confidence and insecurity.

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Don’t Let an Impasse With Jealousy Ruin The Relationship

“Irreconcilable Differences” is the leading cause of divorce and relationships ending. It means that the two parties were simply not able to get over their differences or miscommunications, to the point where the relationship needs to be ended.

All too often, couples are eager to give-up and call something  “Irreconcilable,” without seeking to understand more about why the problem exists or persists. Some problems NEED a counselor or relationship therapist to intervene and help to rectify. Jealousy issues are the perfect example of marital and relationship problems that require counseling.

Jealousy Treatment from Relationship Therapists

A relationship in the midst of jealousy problems is an urgent case for relationship therapists. Jealousy issues push couples quickly toward frustration and extreme pressures that put the relationship to the test.

It is important that couples — that truly want to save their relationship — seek help from a counselor or therapist for jealousy issues before it is too late.

Jealousy Issues and Relationship Counseling and The Arizona Relationship Institute (AZRI)

At AZRI, we employ therapists with a wide range of personal, educational, and professional backgrounds. Our caring therapists and staff are as diverse as those individuals, couples, and families who come to us and trust us for their counseling and therapy needs.

Call Us Today, or Start a Free 15 Minute Consultation to Begin

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Lymphatic Massage Benefits

Benefits of Lymphatic Drainage Massage - Mesa AZ - Arizona Relationship Institute

 

Integrated healthcare providers are leaning more towards utilizing “Lymphatic Massage” (also known as “Lymphatic Drainage”) in recent years. Arizona Relationship Institute uses lymphatic drainage massage as an optional integrated service for guests utilizing our other services. We truly believe in the potential benefits of lymphatic massage for our patients.

What is The Lymphatic System?

The lymphatic system in our bodies helps to rid toxins from the body and is complimentary to (works in conjunction-with) the circulatory system (blood, heart, vessels, veins, etc.).

 

 

Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lymphatic_system

What Does The Lymphatic System Do?

Put simply, the lymphatic system helps to rid the body of toxins, and “filters” blood and other body fluids. It is an essential part of a health immune system.

Benefits of Lymphatic Drainage Massage - Mesa AZ - Arizona Relationship Institute

Lymphedema and Swelling

Many times, the lymphatic system will slow or a blockage in the system can cause a backup of fluids. When this happens, you will see swelling in the feet, legs, extremities, and anywhere else the excess fluid is being retained. Those who are prone to chronic recurring bouts of swelling or suffer from long-lasting swelling may suffer from lymphedema or related issues.

Lymphatic Massage in Mesa Arizona - AZRI - Arizona Relationship Institute

Relief for Swollen Legs and Lymphedema

While those suffering from swollen legs and lymphedema should seek a physician to determine the underlying cause of the edema, lymphatic massage can offer some relief for the symptoms.

Lymphatic Massage is also called “Lymphatic Drainage” for a very good reason — it helps to manually drain the swollen areas of the retained fluids. Much like open heart massage keeps the circulatory system manually pumping, so does lymphatic massage manually push the lymphatic system along. Though, lymphatic massage is much less invasive and rather pleasant for the patient.

Who Does Lymphatic Massage Benefit?

Lymphatic massage can be a benefit to anyone suffering from pain and discomfort attributed to swelling and fluid retention. Though it does have medical benefits, you don’t need a doctor to reap the benefits of lymphatic drainage and massage. Once could even perform lymphatic drainage on oneself — if the situation presented the need.

However, lymphatic massage is best performed by another person, preferably a massage therapist or chiropractor that is familiar with and trained in lymphatic drainage techniques. It can benefit of number of people, including:

      • Individuals Suffering from Lymphedema
      • Those With Rheumatoid Arthritis
      • Chronic Venous Insufficiency (CVI)
      • Diabetes Sufferers
      • Pregnant Women Suffering Swelling
      • Women and Men with Fluid Retention Issues

 

Why Does AZRI Offer Lymphatic Drainage in Mesa Arizona?

Many may be surprised to learn that one of the services we offer at Arizona Relationship Institute in Mesa is Lymphatic Drainage and Lymphatic Massage, but it fits perfectly into our integrated health services model. We focus on total overall mental and physical health, and work with an integrated treatment team of nurses, physicians, dietary technicians, and therapists with a wide range of specialties.

None of our clients are required to use our integrated services, but they are there for those who are interested. Our therapists may provide our guests with recommendations or more information on integrated therapies that they feel will be of the most benefit.

EFT Therapy in Phoenix Mesa Arizona - The Arizona Relationship Institute

Therapists Get The Conversation Going

Once someone feels comfortable talking with their therapist, they often begin to open up about things they have kept secret, including health problems or symptoms they have been worried about, but kept to themselves. Your therapist needs to be able to direct you to where these concerns should be addressed. Having a team of integrated physicians, nurses and health professionals helps your therapist to confidently guide you to the answers to your questions that they may not be able to professionally answer.

 

Integrated Treatment and Ongoing Therapy

The integrated treatment model helps you to reduce time spend traveling-to and scheduling appointments. Our Arizona Relationship Institute campus is located in Mesa, Arizona, and our integrated treatment providers with outpatient offices are located conveniently close to the AZRI location.

 

Contact Us For A Free Consultation

The first step with Arizona Relationship Institute is the FREE 15 Minute Consultation. We offer a lot of services, and everyone’s needs are unique, so the consultation is a very important first step.

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What to Expect From Blended Family Support

 

Step Families and Blended Family Circles

If you are reading this, then you are considering Blended Family Therapy, or are wanting to learn more about the topic. At AZRI we specialize in Blended Families because so many of us come from blended families and are raising blended families of our own. We hope that the information below can help other blended families.

What Are Blended Families?

Simply put, families blended families are families that have merged from other separate family groups. The sitcom family “The Brady Bunch” are a classic example of a blended family, a Man and three sons join with a woman and three daughters to form a blended family. Blended families often form from divorcees and widows (and widowers) re-marrying.

Common Issues Affecting Blended Families

Families are complex and filled with a number of internal conflicts. These conflicts can be especially complex in blended families, especially if there are differing opinions on how the conflicts should be addressed. When these opinions fall along the blended family line, it can bring up unresolved feelings and issues like resentment.

How To Be A Parent In A Blended Family

When you are a “new” parent in a blended family it can be difficult to know the rules, boundaries, and best practices in dealing with your “new” daughter or son. Parenting styles can differ dramatically between two people, and it takes time to understand a person’s style of parenting – or how they act when they have to be an “authority figure.”

Kids Test Boundaries of Parents in Blended Families

Yes, our children our perfect little angels… except when their not! Kids love to test their boundaries and push parents’ patience. Even the most well-behaved children can be tempted to test their limits in a new household situation to see what they can get away with. This is a very natural reaction to an environmental change, and while you should be aware of your children’s needs you should not feel obliged to let them bend or break rules.

Sibling Rivalry in Blended Families

Sibling Rivalry is considered “health” to moderate competition between siblings (brothers and sisters). Parents need to be sure that this “competition” between siblings does not exceed moderate actions. Children often do have control or limitations developed in social competitive situations. Children can easily cross boundaries and become vindictive, aggressive, or focus on other negativities if left unchecked. In blended families, this happens as well; but is very prevalent in blended families where children lack natural familial bonds that have been set.

Blended Families and The Exes

Whether it is an ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, ex-wife, or ex-husband, blended families come with many “Exes.” Navigating the relationships with these individuals is a part of the task for the blended family, as well as the Blended Family Counselor. If the “Ex” has a relationship to the children – as in the mother or father of one or more children in the blended family – then that person has certain rights that may overlap with the blended family situation. It is important to be clear that Blended Family Support IS NOT Family Custody Support.

What Do Blended Family Therapists Do?

Blended Family Therapists do what other family therapists do, they help families work through their everyday problems. The only difference is, Blended Family Therapists have a background that is focused on blended families. Many Blended Family Therapists even come from a blended family themselves.

What to Expect From Blended Family Support

A common misconception about Blended Family Therapy is that it is hardcore psychotherapy that is forced upon the family. Many children especially get anxious about “therapy,” thinking it is a scary or a stigmatized thing that they should feel ashamed about. Blended family support is about the farthest thing from intensive psychotherapy as you can get while still talking with a counselor.

Its easy, and simply chatting in a group or several smaller groups with your family and a family friend (Therapist) who helps the family members work together.

Blended Families and Couples Counseling

It is important to keep the various family problems in their own respective circles. For example, you are not going to be talking about “bedroom topics” with the children and the entire family… those topics are best suited for a smaller circle of the family. Likewise, the children do not need to be involved in many of the couples relationship issues. This is why it is best to have many different formats for working on the family’s problems. Couples counseling is a great example – We at AZRI may recommend Couples Counseling or other services alongside Blended Family Support.

 

Blended Family Support IS NOT Family Custody Support

A Blended Family Support Therapist is not a Family Custody Counselor and does not get involved in cases of child custody. Child custody arrangements should be well in-place before Blended Family Support is started. Sticking to the rules and schedules of an existing custody agreement is something that a therapist can help blended families to attain.

Co-Parenting Counseling for Blended Families

Co-Parenting Counseling is highly recommended for parents that share custody of children – even those who have no apparent issues with sticking with custody arrangements. The reason is that Co-Parenting helps push parents and children to achieve greatness in their relationships. Co-Parenting staves off bad parenting habits and promotes positive habits. Co-parenting keeps parents in a schedule or a “format” for setting aside and spending time with their kids.

Many of those in Co-Parenting Therapy rave about the benefits – stating that it “kept them on track” for dealing with the life changes in their children’s lives.

 

Can Children From Blended Families Be Normal?

One of the biggest worries from parents about raising their children in a blended family is if their children will turn out “normal.” This brings a giggle from therapists and those of us that know that there is no “normal.” But, it is important to understand what these parents are truly asking: “Will being raised in a blended family cause negative issues in my child?” To-which, the answer is NO!

Blended Families Do Not Cause Trauma

Simply living in a blended family does not cause trauma and does not harm a child. However, circumstances brought-on by a blended family situation can lead to trauma being inflicted. It is important to remember that it is not the blended family that causes the issue, it is the situation.

This can be a difficult concept to grasp – even for those struggling with this issue. Many blame the blended family situation for the problems, instead of placing blame where it should be. “Well this would have never happened if you and mom never divorced…” is a great example of placing blame on the blended family, rather than where it should be.

This is much more common than we realize, and many do it subconsciously. This is why Blended Family Therapists are so helpful – they help the family to see through mental illusions and tricks we play on ourselves. Once  you see through the illusion, the therapist and family can deal with the true cause of issues and traumas.

 

Can Blended Family Counseling Help?

If your family is growing as a blended family and you are curious as to whether therapy is right for you, we invite you to schedule a free 15 minute consultation. 15 minutes can help you to decide whether your family is going through normal growing pains, or if you need a blended family support specialist to help your family.

Should You Take Relationship Advice from Family and Friends?

 

We look to our family and friends for advice and direction in our lives often. Financial decisions, life changes, career direction… we share our thoughts and ideas with those around us while mulling over decisions. Essentially, the opinions and advice of our loved ones can help shape our decisions, especially in our relationships with other people.

Before you let the advice of a friend or family member shape your personal relationships, its best to consider the following caveats before accepting relationship advice from someone else.

Should You Trust Relationship Advice from Family and Friends

Relationship Advice Differs from Men to Women

It is important to consider the “mental gender” of a person. Both men and women can have decisively male or female mentalities. Some women can have a very “male” mentality about relationships and sex, and vice versa. Male and female mentalities can be complex, but the best way to explain this is in the following way:

Consider your friend (giving advice) and their attitude toward relationships. Do they focus on emotional aspects over logical aspects? This would show a female-dominant mentality toward sex and relationships. Adversely, a woman or man that takes a more casual outlook on relationships and tends to not over-analyze the emotional aspects has a more male-dominant mentality. We all sit at different places on the spectrum, but it is important to know which side of the spectrum the person giving the advice sits-on, in relationship to you.

Simply, If you are looking for emotional answers from someone who doesn’t relate well emotionally in their own personal relationships, the advice you get probably is not going to match what you were hoping  to hear.

This is why you can ask the same question about your relationship to 2 different people and get widely different opinions. Even when you ask to males or 2 females (Their relationship mentalities can be more female or male dominant).

What does all this mean? Consider the dominant mentality of your friend giving the advice. A friend who is more emotionally charged in relationships than physically charged will give advice coming from that side of the spectrum. Be sure that their relationship goals match with yours.

Relationships Between Men and Women are Complex

Men, Women, and the Relationships Between Them Are Complex

The relationships between men-and-women, men-and-men, and women-and-women are complex and interconnected. Relationships, much like a dance, are fluid and move… they do not stand still. This forces both partners in the relationship to constantly change and move as well. Without movement, there is no life, only death; and without movement, a relationship stagnates and dies.

Keeping Up With Relationship changes

One of the biggest challenges in a relationship is keeping up and adapting to changes. Human beings are afraid of changes and most tend to recoil from change, or fight back against change. We often are so resistant against change, that we can end up hurting ourselves in our fighting back. This is very apparent in relationships where one or both individuals are facing a imminent change and the relationship is suffering due to fighting against the inevitable.

Relationship Advice from Family and Parents

Be Ready to Hear What Relationship Advice is Given

If you are resistant against change, and someone is suggesting change to you as relationship advice, you will likely fight back against the change and the advice, and possibly the friend giving the advice. We have to be ready to hear what the advice our friends and family give, even if their suggesting an uncomfortable change.

Relationship Advice for Introverts

One of the most common fight-against-change situations with relationship advice comes when someone gives relationship advice to an introvert. Why? Because quite often the advice is to: Stop being so introverted… let your feelings out. Share your emotions. Be outgoing. Don’t take everything to heart. Don’t be emotional!

This is a crux, where we are no longer giving relationship advice, but commenting on a person’s personality. If the personalities aren’t matching up in a relationship, the mismatch is the problem — NOT THE PERSON, their personality, or their characteristics. It is simply a mismatch in connectivity.

Friends and family, at this point, will often point out character flaws that THEY see and believe are causing issues with the relationship. Remember, just because this is THEIR opinion and what they see, does not make it the truth or the best advice for you.

Family and Friends Causing Relationship Issues

Humans Try to Fix Flaws

Asking relationship advice from a professional (like a therapist or a counselor) is always better, because they have been trained to look deeper into the relationship and not just point out surface flaws (like many of our close friends and family may). Non-professionals like family and friends will always give you advice on your relationship if you ask them for it. We trust our family and friends, but quite often they are not the best for answers. Humans will attempt to fix things, even if they are not equipped with the skills to do so — it is our human nature.

Knee-Jerk Reactions, Cursory Opinions & Shallow Advice

More often than not, the relationship you get from family and friends is going to be biased in some way. Be ready to hear someone stretch the truth to make it more comfortable, or tell you a lie to make you feel better. Friends don’t have a job to do when giving you relationship advice, they are looking for a quick and easy solution. Either a solution to end the conversation, or a solution that seems to work on the surface. These hasty opinions might not be all that reliable and may not be the best for you, but — on the surface — seem to close the problem.

Telling a Friend Hard Truths

Telling the truth can be painful, especially when doing so may hurt someone we love. Expect that a person that cares for you may tell you a lie before telling you a truth that would hurt you. If so, that is not advice at all and should not be considered. Many struggle to identify this and may take bad advice and act on it.

Why Relationship Therapists Are Best For Relationship Advice

We, as therapists, respect the input from family and friends but don’t put a lot of faith in this “advice” solving the problems or bringing closure to the issues. Not only do you need a therapist to act as an outside advisor in the relationship, but therapists dig deeper into the situations to get to the root of the problems. (treating the disease vs just treating the symptoms).  This allows for truly solving the root cause of issues and helping individuals to get more out of their personal relationships.

Should I Listen to Family and Friends About My Relationship?

Yes, family and friends SHOULD give their input on your relationship. However, consider it INPUT and not advice. Others opinions should only help to shape YOUR opinion, and your opinions should be informed and help you to make a healthy decision.

Are you confused by the advice and input from others about your relationship? Couples or Individual Therapy can help you to sort things out and clear your head…

What Are The Types of Grief Counseling?

 

What Are The Types of Grief Counseling?

Grief is an emotion someone experiences due to sorrow over loss. The loss is usually the death or loss of someone close, but an individual can experience grief at any time for any number of reasons that are considered a devastating loss to that person.

The loss of a pet, the tragic death of a co-worker, or even the loss of a business can trigger feelings of grief. Some may even experience grief at the loss of opportunities — like missing a promotion, realizing you are unable to fulfill a dream, or any form of regret that also pains you as a loss.

It is important to realize that grief is an emotion or a state that a person is-in; it is not the cause of the emotion (the death / trigger), it is the reaction in your mind and body to the trigger. The reaction to the action of loss.

With a wide spectrum of types of grief and triggers for grief, it is important to break out the types of grief counseling to see the commonalities and differences. Therapy and counseling techniques should always be tailored to each induvial and case; however, there are some very common forms of grief therapy that we will touch upon below…

The Stages of Grief:

We will speak a lot about moving through the different phases of grief, so it is important to have an idea of what those phases are. There are 5 phases of grief, though some modalities recognize 7 phases. Most therapists stick with just the 5-phase model, though we will list both below:

The 5 Stages of Grief Vs. The 7 Phases of Grief

The steps are non-linear, meaning people don’t usually go through them in order, and steps can be repeated and progress lost or made toward ultimate acceptance and closure.

Five Stages of Grief:

        • Denial
        • Anger
        • Bargaining
        • Depression
        • Acceptance

The Seven Phases of Grief:

        • Shock
        • Denial
        • Anger
        • Bargaining
        • Depression
        • Acceptance and Hope
        • Processing Grief

Christian Grief Counseling Arizona - AZRI

Christian Grief Counseling

What is different about Christian Grief Counseling? Christians hold many beliefs, practices, ideas, and ideologies about both life and death. When discussing matters of both life and death with a Christian individual, couple, or family, it is important to have a shared understanding about the basics of the Christian faith.

Though there are many different forms of Christianity (LDS, Catholic, Protestant, etc.), they share many of the same foundations, and are based on the teachings and history of Jesus Christ. A Therapist-patient relationship is often more efficient when the two share a common ground. Sharing a spiritual common ground has helped many therapists and individuals work through a number of problems, especially grief and end of life counseling issues.

The Arizona Relationship Institute employs a diverse staff from a range of cultural backgrounds and faiths. Meet our AZRI Therapists and start your free consultation to begin the process of setting up Grief Therapy with a therapist you like, get along with, and can help you be a better you.

Grief Anxiety Counseling Arizona

Grief Anxiety Counseling

We started this article by clarifying that a death does not need to have occurred for a person to begin to get feelings of grief. A person only needs to feel a sense of loss for their emotions to turn into grief. Grief Anxiety  Counseling is a service we offer at AZRI, and is a prime example of a type of “grief anxiety.” What is Grief Anxiety? It is simply the worry or fear about the deaths of others that manifests itself into grief. A person grieves a family member, friend or loved one before they have died.

This is most common when someone you know is terminally ill. When someone is in the later stages of cancer or a disease in-which death is inevitable, your mind struggles with understanding many aspects of the what is coming and it emotionally manifests as grief and loss. It is important to work through the grief emotions at this time, or the grief could last longer than it should and turn into an ongoing depression or other negative mental health condition.

Hospice Grief Counseling

Those that are terminally ill also need to work through their own set of grief emotions. They too are feeling a great sense of loss and may be grieving their own life, their regrets, the loss of mobility, and other personal losses. Grief Counseling for the Terminally Ill is important for those that have not yet made-peace or are ready to transition from this life. Terminally ill patients can usually get in-person or virtual therapy sessions easily scheduled based on their preference and abilities.

Online and Virtual Counseling Sessions from AZRI Are Available >>

Child Loss Grief Counseling Arizona

Child Grief Counseling

Specifically, counseling for the loss of a child. We want to again point out that the loss does not mean the death of the child; but may be the loss of a child due to custody issues, parental rights issues, separation of blended families, or even the loss of your child’s innocence (turned to drugs and alcohol, other serious problems).

A parent who loses a child, whether through loss of contact or death, moves through the stages of grief at different speeds; but, it is important for them to move forward through the stages to the point of closure and acceptance.  This is the healing process that brings those stricken with grief to a happier life.

Pet Grief Therapy in Arizona

Pet Grief Counseling

As living creatures, we form very close relationships with other living creatures. Animals and pets can be our friends, our companions, our sons & daughters, or  our brothers and sisters. When we lose those close to us, we always experience grief in some form.

When an individual struggles deeply with grief, it becomes hard for them to concentrate on their own life and make positive decisions. It is at this point that one needs to seek grief therapy to help them move through the steps.

At AZRI, we commonly deal with grief from the loss of pets and animal companions and offer a wide range of available therapy options that can help you find closure and move on from the loss of those closest to you.

Adolescent and Teen Grief Counseling

Children, teens, young adults, adults and the elderly all grieve differently. Grieving has a lot to do with what stage of life you are in. Teens and young adults experience grief in a different way than adults, so it is important that a teen grief therapist has extensive experience with both teen counseling and grief counseling.

Experiencing death during the formative years of life leaves a lasting imprint on a person. It is very important for these emotions and feelings of grief to be dealt with in a positive way in the teen years. Otherwise, complex issues like regret, shame and guilt could negatively affect them in later years.

Adolescent Grief Counselors should help teens to find their own motivations for life through the grief, and move them through the negative steps of grief and into the healing and acceptance phases quickly, but at a comfortable pace for the adolescent.

Grief Counseling for Adults and Families

Loss affects more than just 1 person in most circumstances. A death especially affects all those that have ever interacted with the deceased. In some circumstances it may be best to engage in therapy for more than one member in a single family. Family Grief Counseling is available for families that are interested.

Adults seeking grief therapy and counseling for themselves or for their family should schedule a free consultation to begin the process of healing:

Grief Counseling for Couples

Many couples that enter into couples therapy and counseling come to find that they have unresolved feelings of loss — either from previous individual losses or shared losses. Couples may have lost their own loved ones earlier in life, or are struggling with grief anxiety and aging or terminally ill loved ones. Not only has Couples Grief Counseling helped with underlying marital and spousal issues, but proper grief counseling between couples can ensure that both partners resolve their own griefs and the relationship remains healthy.

Trauma and Grief Counseling

When an individual has experienced past trauma (Traumatic Experiences, Adverse Childhood Experiences [ACEs], etc.) their psyche and mental state has been damaged and there are often lingering effects. Those with PTSD and Trauma should work with therapists and counselors that recognize modern trauma-based therapy and trauma-informed therapy.

Our counselors and therapists at AZRI are not only trained in trauma-specific therapy but have experience in its related psychotherapies (CBT, etc.). It can be very comforting to work through grief with a therapy that has an understanding of the emotions surrounding both trauma and grief.

Grief Therapists in Mesa Arizona

CBT For Depression: How Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Can Help Clinical Depression

CBT For Depression - AZRI - Arizona Relationship Institute Mesa Gilbert JPG

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has been applauded for its success in treating a range of health issues in recent years. CBT has been used a treatment for depression, anxiety, and even substance use disorders and addiction. What is it about CBT that helps therapists and individuals sort out a range of complex issues? There are several points to consider…

Background on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Simply-put, CBT is a way of looking at your thoughts, feelings, and actions; identifying the negative and positive; and changing your thoughts, feelings, and actions in a positive manner. This type of “Behavioral Therapy” has been around in different forms and under different names since the early 1900s.

Behavioral Therapist Albert Ellis, in the 1940s and 1950s, focused on “Cognitive Therapy” — finding that many people that are stuck in negative behavior patterns continue due to negative thoughts and feelings about themselves. A negative cognitive (thinking) attitude actually CAUSES people to subconsciously make bad or negative decisions, thoughts and actions. This established a connection between “Cognitive” and “Behavioral” psychology.

From the 1960s, therapy for depression, anxiety, and substance abuse has increasingly used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help individuals recognized the causes of their issues and see a path to health and happiness through positive thoughts and actions. Not only has CBT been shown to help treat depression, it has helped those recovering from depression to stay happy and avoid falling back into depressive states.

CBT Therapy Near Mesa Arizona

Therapy for Clinical Depression

Clinical depression, and cases of prolonged or recurring depression can best be treated with regular counseling sessions and the use of CBT — both in therapy sessions and in the patient’s day-to-day life. As the patient begins to employ CBT in his/her/their daily life, they begin to recognize situations, thoughts, and feelings that could cause them to become depressed if they choose to let it. Upon recognizing they have a choice, they change their thoughts and actions to a more positive aspect — avoiding the depression trigger.

CBT Exercises and Practicing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

The more you learn about CBT, the more it will start to make sense. And, the more you practice CBT, the better you will become at it and the easier it will go. If you are still struggling to understand CBT and how it helps you with self-reflection and identifying patterns in your thoughts and behavior, the following CBT examples can be helpful.

The Cognitive Triangle JPG

Examples of Cognitive Behavior Therapy

Those who have long-recovered from alcohol use disorders using CBT are some of the best examples of how CBT can help you to change your thoughts and actions to more positive ones.

CBT For Grief Therapy - AZRI - Arizona Relationship Institute Mesa Gilbert JPG

CBT and Recovering from Substance Use Disorders

“I choose to not drink,” say former drinkers and CBT users. “I used to not be able to control my thoughts about alcohol, and could not stop once I started. But now I can enter any situation I am faced with confidently. If I start to feel any negative emotions, anxiety, or if I start to feel ashamed now, I am able to stop that immediately and reverse the thoughts. It took a lot of practice and time to get as good as I am now, and as confident… but it works.”

How CBT Is Used in Couples Therapy

CBT is not just used in individual therapy, it is a great psychotherapy for couples therapy and marriage counseling. Too often in relationships, we forget about our significant other’s thoughts and feelings. Many people jump to conclusions and think they know what their partner is thinking and feeling. Or, they mistakenly think their partner has the same opinion on everything. Further, a spouse often believes both partners should have the same opinion on everything.

CBT can help BOTH partners to recognize their own negative thoughts and actions towards a partner. Cognitive Behavior Therapy helps you recognize when you are:

      • Overstepping your bounds
      • Making decisions for your partner / without your partner
      • Not thinking about your partner when planning things or making big changes.
      • Not considering how your thoughts and actions will be received or viewed by your spouse.

Example: “I did not even realize I was making decisions for both of us,” says one individual who had recognized controlling spousal behaviors through CBT. “I guess it was subconscious… I figured we had been married for 16 years and I know my husband and we think the same on everything.  CBT taught me to slow down and not to jump to an answer on anything right away. When I brought that same thinking into our relationship and to how I feel and act toward my spouse, many of our problems and their solutions became crystal clear. We were able to resolve a lot of issues that we thought were too complicated.”

How to Avoid Depression Coming Back

Depression is known for being a chronic mental health issue, going through waves of up and down intensity. Sometimes depression and anxiety can go away for months or even years and suddenly return without warning. What makes depression return?

Depression comes from two parts: Bio-chemical, and Cognitive. The bio-chemical triggers for depression can range from poor diet, drug and alcohol use, hormonal changes, and underlying health conditions. Cognitive triggers can be anything from a dish in the sink to the death of a close friend. The cognitive triggers are a bit easier to control than depression triggering from body chemistry, and CBT is the best exercise for strengthening that control.

CBT For Treating Grief & A Broken Heart

CBT is also a prime psychotherapy type used for grief therapy, closure therapy, and discernment counseling. The biggest part of recovering from grief, the death of a loved one, or a divorce/breakup is learning to move-on and let-go. This is a very difficult set of steps for many to go through, and moving from one step of grief to the next is hard. CBT can help individuals to recognize that dwelling-on the negative, replaying the past, and focusing on regret are all negatives. They do not help you to move through life, and they are holding you back. Once, an individual is able to truly recognize the negative and unhealthy for what they are, they can be ready to accept the change toward the positive.

At AZRI, we utilize CBT for Couples Divorce Therapy and Marriage Counseling because it helps both couples to truly recognize the gravity of the situation and their decisions. All too often, those in the middle of a divorce or a break-up “go on auto-pilot” throughout the process, refusing to acknowledge the situation and embracing denial.

What Can CBT Help - AZRI - Arizona Relationship Institute Mesa Gilbert JPG

What Can Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Help With?

Depression is just one of the many mental health conditions that CBT has helped patients recover. In addition to clinical depression, CBT has shown positive effects in helping patients work through problems with:

        • ADHD
        • Substance Abuse
        • Alcoholism and Binge Drinking
        • Quitting Smoking / Tobacco Cessation
        • Improving Self Esteem & Self Image
        • Eating Disorder Recovery
        • Speech Disorders, Stuttering, Ticks, and Speech Impediments
        • Chronic Pain Management without Medication

 

How AZRI Utilizes Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

The Arizona Relationship Institute and our therapists utilize CBT for any and all cases that they feel CBT can assist with. This is a great range of issues that CBT can be used to help including:

        • Couples Therapy
        • Family Therapy
        • Individual Therapy
        • Group Therapy
        • Sex Therapy
        • Marriage Therapy
        • Trauma Therapy
        • PTSD Therapy
        • More…

CBT Therapy in Mesa, Arizona

CBT Therapy in Mesa, Arizona

At The Arizona Relationship Institute, our therapists heavily utilize CBT therapy in many of their individual, couples, group, and family counseling sessions. We use it because it truly does work, and has worked for many of our patients and therapists themselves!

 

Why Sex Therapy for Men? A Guy’s Perspective on Sex & Relationship Therapy

 

What are the real benefits of sex therapy and relationship counseling for a man? This is a candid look at why men should consider sex therapy from relationship therapists.

Even Guys Have Emotional, Physical, or Sexual Problems from Time to Time

…and the more quickly you recognize the issues, the more quickly and efficiently you can fix them and get more out of your life and relationships. Some problems are complex, and others are simple problems that cause more complex problems than they should. A Men’s therapist helps you to see the problems objectively, and to see a clear solution to the problems. From here, men can work on their problems independently, with help from the therapist. This allows a man to not only deal with mental, emotional, physical and sexual problems, but also allows builds confidence and helps men to not let issues hold them back.

Issues That Men’s Therapy Can Help

Men’s therapy offers a myriad of benefits that are not just limited to resolving the issues below, but can be used to treat and overcome a number of mental blocks and issues.

Sexual Performance Issues – Men’s Sex Therapy is NOT just about treating erectile dysfunction and performance issues, but these problems are so common that it is impossible to talk about sex therapy without these components.  Men’s Sex Therapy is more about dealing with the inner emotional issues that can contribute to performance issues, fostering healthy sexual and intimacy relationships and preventing sexual issues from arising.

Learning to Connect with Your Partner – Sex is not something that everyone “knows how to do perfectly” or naturally has a talent for — even though it is a natural behavior and some are more naturally comfortable with their sexuality than others.  We learn and get better at sex with the openness and help from our partners.

Society and mainstream culture has presented an “image” of what sexuality is, and it drives this image into the heads of young men and women from an early age. However, this presented “narrative” of what sexuality-is is highly distorted. Men especially have been presented with a distorted view on sex and intimacy, so it is expected that modern men will come to find themselves confused or may misinterpret sexual situations. Men’s Sex Therapists help to sort sexual fact from fiction and help men to understand the truth about female and male sexuality (not the hyper-eroticized and over-fantasized view presented).

Understanding Sex Helps You Blow Your Partner’s Mind – we all want to satisfy our partners, but being an over-achiever in bed can be a healthy boost to any relationship. When you understand what is happening during sex, and you and your partner are connecting on deeper levels, your sexual performance is heightened.

If you want to boost your sexual performance, you start with opening up to a men’s sex therapist — either in private or as a couple — and begin to discover the mysteries of intimacy.

Sex is a Big Part of a Man’s Psyche and Life – this is nothing to be ashamed of; rather sex needs to find its place in the life of a man. When a man is sexually confident and satisfied, many other problems (financially, mentally, spiritually) can be brought into perspective, fixed, or avoided. With sex such a big part of a man’s life, he better have his sex life together if he is going to keep the rest of his life together.

Exorcise the Sexual Negativities from Your Life – There is healthy sex and there is unhealthy sex. Like Yin and Yang, sex has aspects of negativity and positivity that need to be kept in balance. “Everything in moderation” – Even Sex! Pornography and unhealthy sexual obsessions quickly overtake a person and can sour a sexual partnership.

Many Men are Victims of Emotional and Sexual Trauma – past experiences form who we are and how we behave in the present. Men are much more emotional than popular culture would have us believe. Men get hurt emotionally often, even if they don’t show it. These emotional scars build who the man is and how they react to other emotional situations. Sex is an intense emotional situation – and many of a man’s behaviors during sex are the direct result of past experiences (Whether they realize it or not).

Healing trauma is much like re-wiring the brain. Trauma and past traumatic experiences are like a live wire and any wrong move in an emotional or sexual situation can immediately connect back to past pain and trauma. Dealing with the past and healing trauma secures the wires so you can operate safely in sexual/emotional situations again.

Healing from a Cheating Partner or Rebuilding from a Divorce/Breakup – the soul-crushing feeling of a betrayal by a partner is one of the most common forms of sexual and emotional trauma in men and women. Cheating and infidelity can cause emotional and mental problems that linger for a lifetime if untreated. Rebuilding from a divorce or a breakup and infidelity means rebuilding yourself from the ground up. Finding your own confidence and what makes you happy in life is part of the process of healing. Men’s Infidelity and Betrayal Counseling is the best places to start for men that have issues stemming from betrayal by a past partner.

Don’t Even Think About It, Just Start Here

Start with a FREE 15 Minute Consultation from the Arizona Relationship Institute Now.

Don’t Hesitate or Over-Think It! Take the First Step and See If It Is A Fit For You…